Page 29

She paused. “I can’t tell if you’re actually having a heart-to-heart or if this is a weird prank.”

I scrunched up my face. “It’s a heart-to-heart, Harper. Good lord.”

“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry.” She put her hands up. “I’m not typically expecting that kind of thing from you.”

“As if you ever know what to expect from me?”

“Yeah—touché, but still.”

I sighed, looking out the window at clear blue skies, the morning sunlight still a pale gold. I wasn’t a morning person byany stretch of the imagination, but even I had to admit Bayview was pretty in the mornings.

“So…” Harper started, speaking carefully. “What kind of identity crisis is this? And how does me leaving play into it?”

I took a bite of brioche, chewing slowly, before I answered. “I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Of… uh… trying.”

She paused, studying me. “Trying… what?”

“Trying.In general.” I shrugged, turning back to her. “Of looking like I care about things. I dunno. I was talking to Kay about it yesterday, since she grilled me and wouldn’t let me escape. I’m tired of just being… you know, a weird little gremlin thing who vaguely annoys people.”

She raised her eyebrows high, but she didn’t say anything. I pouted.

“You can say it.”

She didn’t say what I’d expected. “You don’t think people like you that way?”

“Uh—well.” I scrunched up my nose, cupping my coffee and breathing it in. “I don’t think it’s about that, anyway. Just…”

She relaxed. “You want to… reinvent yourself. But you’re too afraid of how people will react… if they see you, what, trying to change things?”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

She looked down, wincing lightly. “I get that. Really, I do.”

“Please. You’re perfect. What would you have to change?”

She rolled her eyes, but she wouldn’t look directly at me. “I’m sure Emberlynn would say you’re perfect exactly as you are.”

“And youwouldn’t?”

“Come to think of it, why aren’t you talking to her about this instead? Isn’t she your ride-or-die?”

“Yeah…” I looked down. “But that’s kind of the problem. We’re stuck with each other. If I do something embarrassing, then I have to live with her knowing all about it forever. But if I embarrass myself in front ofyou,well, you’re leaving.”

“Oh.” She relaxed, looking at me with a small, dry smile. “I think I get it now.”

I tried to push out a big grin like usual, but it faltered a little. “By the way, if you tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you.”

She frowned. “I would never. I’m not about to betray your confidence. Even if you are breaking into my house to read my emails off my own computer.”

“Okay, that was probably a bit much on my part,” I admitted. “So if I forgive you for not telling me that you’re leaving, will you forgive me for that?”

“Ugh. Sure. Call it a deal.”

“You are thebest, Harps, and I adore you,” I said, scooching my chair over next to her and squishing her in a hug. She grunted, but she begrudgingly put a hand on my back.