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Soon, it’s as quiet as a hoard should be, but everything is lit up pink. The worst color imaginable.

25

Olivia

Willmylastmemoryof Kroaicho be of a big, hulking pink glow amid a pile of glittering junk? I’ve been asking myself that question over and over, but there is no answer. I want to turn back, but each time I think of it my mind pulls up every page I’ve ever read about Stockholm syndrome.

To think I scoffed at it, never understanding how anyone could grow that attached to anyone, let alone their kidnapper. Life has a way of humbling us. I shift through all of the pop psychology I’ve read, then the research articles, and even pull up the few lectures I listened to at college before I was kicked out.

None of it helps. All it does is make me far more prone to trip over things as I shuffle in the middle of the group of humans I’ve spent days longing to for, headed for the freedom I thought was the most important treasure possible.

Is this what that saying means? The one about things tasting of ash?

My mum told me I was never satisfied and I always hated it because it felt like they were the ones who were that way, always wanting more money. More things. But maybe she was right, because right now I have exactly what I thought I wanted and it feels… terrible.

I barely pay attention during the walk out of the caves, or the short trek through the thick forest. At first, Rin and Eli try to engage me in conversation, but I just can’t get my mind to stop swirling long enough to understand their words.

Even the fake cheerfulness in their voice, which would normally put me on edge, doesn’t make an impression. My mind just keeps spinning on how easily he turned his back. How easily he sunk into that pile of crap like it was the only thing that mattered. Just like everyone else in my life.

I thought he cared? He risked his life for me… and then rocks are what matter the most in the end? I try and I try, but I can’t make sense of it. None of the patterns I have memorized to help me deal with humans help in this situation.

I’m finally jarred out of my mental looping when we stop and I realize it’s so Kuret can gently place Eli down. She is frantically scratching at her skin as he moves a few giant logs so we can pass through a cave.

My heart constricts as we go through the familiar cool depths, once again looping back to Kroaicho, but it doesn’t take long until we are in an odd valley that is ringed in by cliffs.

It should be impressive, but I just can’t muster any awe.

As soon as we get on the other side, Rin breaks the odd silence we’ve been under the whole time. “I forgot I was strong, Kuret. So stupid. I should have fought…”

“Hush, not now,” Eli whispers, still digging at her skin.

I find myself digging at my own arms, most of my body itching as well, likely in some sort of odd solidarity. Eli’s skin is visibly dry and cracked in a few areas. It looks painful.

“Oh, right,” Rin says, voice clipped.

Then it’s pandemonium, with so much going on that my brain can hardly keep up. There’s a blue dinosaur bounding up and complaining about how long Kuret took and that they could have done it faster. A woman with a shock of pink hair cursing and telling him to shut up.

A very angry sounding whale call from down the valley and the crashing of… trees? Then Eli giving her regrets and telling Kuret he better get her to water really fast or there wouldn’t be anything left to give them shade.

Soon after, giant blue… spider things come bounding up, bellowing and Rin is telling them how they are the best ever. They weave in and out of the group, the smallest of them bumping me, and I feel terrible, but I shudder and it scampers away.

I want to call it back, to treat it like I should and apologize somehow, but I don’t have the words.

Then a giant cat arrives and I… sort of recognize the woman riding on its back, but by then my brain is an inferno. There are five people all talking at once in a new, gravely language and I can’t take it anymore.

My hands are over my ears before I can stop myself, but it doesn’t help much.

“Enough!” someone calls out and there is blessed silence right after, but I’m still reeling.

Right before she embraces me, I realize it’s Ree and stop myself from striking out, but I can’t stop my body stiffening.

She pulls back quickly, looking me up and down, trying to make eye contact, but I keep mine just to the side of her face, already too overwhelmed to care if I’m being rude.

“Hello, Olivia. It is so good to see you safe,” she says, voice breaking. “You don’t like to be touched, do you?”

I shake my head, then lower it, feeling ashamed and awkward.

“Oh, Liv,” Rin whispers. “I keep doing that. I’m sorry.”