Page 108

Shecurlsherbodyinward so that she looks smaller than she actually is, and her bright threads are splayed behind her like a carpet of red flowers on the green forest ground.

If I stretch my hand out far enough, I can reach out and touch her again, like I know I really want to, though I decide it’s not a great idea. Plus, I already touched her once before and from our short time together, I know she would rather have me as far away from her as possible.

I cannot tear my eyes away from her delicate features, each one so much smaller than mine that it makes me wonder how she gets anything done with them. I come to understand that I’m deeply fascinated by everything this small creature does—how she can breathe, fit bits of food into her mouth or even see.

She probably does all these things normally in a way that is natural to her kind. Still, it is all new to me.

I am especially surprised every time at the amount of venom she can shoot out of her for anything she does not like. She is, in a word, enrapturing, and I am a fly caught in her trap.

She notices me staring and I divert my eyes, expecting her to scold me, but she does not. Instead, she gets up restlessly and drops to the ground with a sigh of exhaustion and folds into herself, this time facing me. Her eyes are squeezed shut but her body is vibrating, and I know she cannot be comfortable.

“Come closer. Stay warm,” I sing softly to her and her eyes open.

She shoots me a tired look and I stretch both of my left hands out. Her eyes travel up and down the length of my arms, but she just looks away, not giving me an answer.

I beckon again and her eyes look up to my face for a moment that feels too long. “It is cold. Please.”

Without saying a word, she gets up and walks over to me.

She is so much smaller than me, even when I am lying down and I reach one of my hands to grab on to her and tuck her under my wing, forgetting for a blessed minute that I no longer possess my feathery down. The pain from trying to extend them reminds me that there is barely anything of them left and a twinge of painful realization washes over me; I am grounded for life and really will never fly again.

I wave away the thoughts of self-pity and arrange her so that her upper body is mostly supported by one of my arms and not a lot of her is in contact with the cold ground.

She takes over from me and continues to adjust herself until she finds comfort in curling into her body and placing both of her hands between my arm and her head. She only spares me a single glance before drifting off into slumber and I am left to study her once more.

While she is asleep, she looks much more relaxed, her body no longer curling tightly around itself. Her mouth is parted by sleep and her tongue sticks out only slightly, making her look a little silly.

I am left to wonder what she would look like if she weren’t so angry with me all the time. What would her pleased expressions resemble? Would her happy songs flutter as much in me as when she approves of a decision I have made, however few times it has happened?

These are all foolish questions, anyway.

The hunters added to her and made her something more valuable, like understanding different languages and who knows what else, but they took the very thing that makes me who I am.

I do not know how much longer I will survive without my wings.

The pain in them is always with me, however hard I try to hide it and I can only hope it doesn’t affect my plans with Ree to ensure Ruby is rescued alive.

My arrangement was simple; to get Ruby safe, somewhere she could reunite with the rest of her sisters, and they could support each other. After that, I will never see them again and I will have to live the rest of my days on the ground like a graceless beast, with only the honor of my glory days to warm me.

It doesn’t feel good knowing that I am so young, yet the apex of my life has clearly already passed, almost making nothing worth living for, besides the words of my promise, of course.

The sounds that Ruby makes in her sleep take me away from my troubling thoughts and I stare at her face and wonder what she is dreaming of. I hope it is only good things and the kindness of the world that she has experienced before the hunters. That is always what I try to think about before I fall asleep as well.

Images crowd my mind at the thought. Taking to the skies with my brothers one last time as we leave our aeries and descend, one last joint song, and one last bout of chasing thermals. As I occupy my mind with thinking of these simple pleasures, I hope that the dawn will be kinder to Ruby and me.

We deserve that much.