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“No,” West said. “You’re never this worked up.” He looked at Alejandro. “Present company excluded.”

Alejandro looked pleased. “Really? You were worked up over me?”

“I perfumed every time I saw you,” I pointed out, feeling embarrassed for no good reason. Ugh, feelings were stupid. “And I kept randomly wandering into your place of work.”

Alejandro purred, and it hit the stupid button in my brain. I relaxed against him, some of the nervous energy leaving me. It was handy having Alejandro around.

My burrowing turned into touching, and then touching turned into sweaty sexy times. West and Alejandro took turns wrecking me.

The next day the nerves returned, and it felt final somehow. I headed back to my cottage in a stew of stupid, stupid feelings. It was fine when an alpha whose scent I could take or leave acted like a jerk. I wasn’t emotionally invested then. But I was now. I’d had fun with Ben, I enjoyed the way he laughed, the way he explained things to me without making me feel like an idiot. He was funny and sexy and had amazing taste in music.

Rian’s guarded demeanor only made me want to figure out which wall to climb. I sensed the same pain and uncertainty I felt myself, in his sense of trying to cling to the world he knew.

What if the new men in my life moved in and then something terrible happened?

Like, if they decided I was too much to handle. What if I had a panic attack? I hadn’t had one in forever, but it would be harderto keep up the façade that I wasn’t a hot mess the more time I spent around them.

I pushed the thought away and let myself into the cottage early. I was distracted at work and decided to call it good. I managed to get some of the pieces sectioned off, and we were almost ready for Operation Ka-Boom!

I texted Rian to let him know they could let themselves in when they got here, thinking it would be easier for Ben to learn his way around without having to wait for me to unlock the door.

I wasn’t trying to make him more comfortable in our cottage, nope. I was just being considerate of a guest. I picked up the living room, making sure nothing was lying around that Ben could trip over, and jumped in the shower.

My nerves were shot. It was time for music therapy. I belted out Juliet Vale, the Neon Outlaws, Burns, and some Evermore West.

My favorite playlist filled me up, echoed off the tile of the shower and made it so I could dump out all the emotions I was struggling with.

Music saved me when I was a teenager, and it continued to save me, over and over, making it safe to feel.

Then I would be ready for the date that wasn’t a date.

Chapter 21

Rian

We drove to Half Moon Bay early. Ben wanted to make sure we didn’t hit rush hour traffic, and he wanted time to familiarize himself.

I didn’t hate the idea of early either. If we hit Ember’s cottage before West and Alejandro, maybe I could scent the other two before having to meet them. It was easier for me, to get used to scents before having to meet the person. I’d scented them on Ember before, but this felt different.

This felt like an audition I wasn’t certain I’d pass, and I was nervous. My palms were clammy, and the thought of things, whatever these things were exactly, not working out seemed like too much.

Like the universe dangled hope in front of me and yanked it away at the last minute.

I itched for my guitar. Maybe if I hummed a tune, I’d get myself sorted. Too late for that. I’d have to play when we got home tonight.

I could handle this. I pulled into the driveway. “It’s a cute little cottage. Sort of coastal, with white shutters and brown wood.”

Ember’s cottage was on the Cosmic Bonds grounds, but on the opposite side of where the welcome center and other public-facing buildings were.

“She said we could go on in.” I watched Ben get out of the car, and he extended his cane, hitting bits of gravel.

I wrinkled my nose. Gravel wasn’t the best surface for walking, but Ben didn’t want me to baby him.

“You’re sure?” Ben tilted his head and paused. “Smells close to the ocean.”

“Yeah, it’s just a little bit to the west.” I looked at the text again, and sure enough, Ember said the door was open, she was home, and go on in. She’d sent it about thirty minutes ago. “Yep. We’re early but so is she apparently.”

We’d originally planned on going to the beach before I got Ember’s text saying we could come over whenever. I loved the ocean this time of year, and I spent the last week cooped up in the studio.