Page 22

Story: Ember

I couldn’t remember if Rian was this bad about firing away with questions when I’d met him, but I didn’t think so. We were more interested in how each other smelled, and getting the other person naked.

“I prefer a cane, but that’s just me,” I said, falling into my role of visually impaired person educating the sighted masses. “Lots of people love having a guide dog, but between Rian’s work schedule and mine—” I brushed my hand over Rian’s. “—it’s easier to stick with my cane.”

Besides that, when I used my cane, people knew what that meant. The few times I did have a guide dog, people ran into me a lot more.

“How do you know if someone is a guy or a girl?” she asked, and my estimation of her plummeted. It was a sadly common question, but I would never understand why sighted people cared so much about gender.

“I don’t always.” I shrugged again. “I don’t see why it matters.”

“Oh, true, especially since you’re attracted to both genders?” She sounded a little embarrassed.

“I’m bisexual, yes.”

“If you’d like to feel my face, I wouldn’t mind,” she said like she was doing me a favor. “Since you can’t see what I look like.”

“Thanks, but no.” I laughed to cut the tension radiating out of Rian. I didn’t have to be able to see to know Rian was giving her a death glare. “I know it’s a big trope in movies, but it’s not actually a real-life thing. At best, I’ll be able to feel that you have a nose, hair, and eyes.”

“That’s nice. It doesn’t matter if I’m pretty or not.” She laughed nervously.

“Actually, Ben has preferences like sighted people. For example, he knows how long my hair is, and likes it,” Rian said, sounding too pleased with himself. He was being nice, which had my hackles raised.

“Right, of course.” Cindy still sounded relieved, like the weight of social expectations was off her.

I never knew if I should be flattered or not. On one hand, people felt less judged around me, but on the other, it was based on their physical appearance. Hopefully they wouldn’t want to be around a person who judged them solely on looks anyway.

I didn’t care about hair color, for example, but I liked it when Rian and I dated women who wore dresses, because then I liked legs. I had physical preferences just like everyone else; I just didn’t express them until I was further along in the relationship.

“I think it’s amazing, how you’re living your life without letting your disability define you.”

Some of my determination to take Cindy’s questions at face value slipped, and I almost snarked back that other people did that just fine.

In the end I settled for the answer I gave to get the person off the subject. “I’m just living my life, right? Don’t actually have a choice. Besides, people live with disabilities all the time. You find a way.”

Rian huffed. “Can we talk about something else? That isn’t about how amazing it is that Ben knows how to use a fork like a big boy?”

“Sure, sorry.” Cindy sounded wounded. “I was just curious, but of course.”

The night was stilted after that. I was drained, and I couldn’t decide if we should have a second date to see if things would get better or not. It went about as I expected, but it could have been better.

We said polite goodbyes and stood up together. I got my cane, extended it, and shifted behind Rian. He put my left hand on his elbow, and we exited the restaurant. As we moved, I heard the slight pauses in conversation that meant people were watching us leave.

Cindy said goodbye one more time and left in the opposite direction. Rian went to the right, where the street leading to the parking garage was located.

The sound of cars on the street was loud, and the slight wind was softer this close to the buildings.

The pavement changed from squares on the sidewalk to smooth asphalt, and sound echoed as we entered the parking garage. I mentally counted rows until we reached the car.

“Sure you don’t want me to drive?” I asked, reaching out for the keys.

“Not tonight,” he said halfheartedly.

I climbed in and felt the lurch as the car pulled away.

“She was awful. Like you were a sideshow monkey.” Rian growled, his smoky oak and amber scent filling the car. The amber had a bitter note to it.

“It could have been worse.” I patted his arm. “She didn’t ask how I knew when to stop wiping my butt.”

Rian laughed. “She probably didn’t get a chance to before I shut her down.”