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I cleared my throat and looked over his shoulder. A weaker woman would have played it off or acted innocent, but I was an adult who owned my actions. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to—”

He chuckled and sniffed me again, inhaling my scent deeply as his nose ran along my neck. “Thank you for not trying to play it off. I know your lust and apparently can scent it in a full lecture hall I’m so locked in on you.” He kissed that spot under my ear as he massaged my hip. “I just don’t get what—”

“I’m not playing games,” I defended.

He slowly raised his head, so our gazes met. “I know that, love.” He nodded when I searched his eyes. “You’re not amused when you hesitate; you’rehesitant. I smell it, Ellie. You’re worried. You’re scared and I did that. I made you not feel safe with me.”

He gave me a soft kiss when I tried to object. That was one way to shut me up.

“I did this to what we had,” he whispered against my lips. “And I’ll rebuild that trust. You were gentle with my demons and I’ll be gentle with yours. So take the time you need.” He waited until I nodded. “As long as you’re not mad at me for…” He frowned.

“You’re not playing games either,” I said, pretty sure that was what I felt.

“I’m not, but I am,” he muttered, seeming to confuse himself. “I’m not making light of what happened. I’m—you told Mum you were enjoying it.”

I felt bad that he was tying himself up in knots and decided to give him the answer on this one since I knew it. “It’s touching to see you try so hard for me after walking away or hitting pause too long. That’s what’s in my head on this.”

He studied me again and took a long sniff. “Okay, good. I don’t want to be pushy and that bullshit that it’s okay if the guy is hot—it’s not okay. It’s never okay to pressure a woman when she’s not accepting of the courting. Ever.”

“I’m accepting,” I whispered.

“Then I’ll reach out to you as many times as you need, love,” he murmured, leaning in against me. “But I am going to punish you for giving me a stiffy during my first fucking lecture here.”

Yeah, that was fair.

10

Ha-joon

“Yes, that would be painful for them,” Dr. Tai accepted.

I winced. That hadn’t been what I’d meant, and this next part might not go over great. “Well, yes, but I meant me.” I nodded when people froze. “I’m not sure I can explain it—I haven’t been able to so far but—”

“The pain of knowing you could have helped them sooner so they didn’t need to suffer is almost crippling,” a woman said and immediately I knew who it was.

My gaze snapped to Ellie’s and I slowly nodded. “Yes. My wolf is a protector and—shifters in pain in front of him is hard. Especially young shifters because we both hate the old mindset. Several of them even.”

I relaxed when the whole room was in full agreement and clearly cared about the state of medicine.

I leaned on the podium and focused on Dr. Tai. “If you can come up with something that is an eighth in potency of what we currently use to start, I would absolutely be willing to work with you on this. I’m always open to consultations and insights. That’s how we do this better and save the next kid or even…”

I let out a slow breath, not sure how to continue.

“You said you were rusty with large-scale trauma,” Dr. James surmised. “The earthquake and bridge weren’t your normal wheelhouse.”

“No, they weren’t, not for many years, and it still wasn’t like that,” I admitted. “This was so much better. This was—efficientdoesn’t even come close to where my mind is. ASH hasefficiencydown to a science unlike any hospital I’ve ever seen, and that’s something that needs to spread.” I waved off others when they wanted to interject. “That’s not the point of today.

“The point of today is education and learning what we already know and people bastardize too much.” I pointed to the screen that had shown the videos. “Thatis the point of the Alpha power to force a shift. It is to save lives and heal pack when traumatized. What you all know is the bastardized version of this punishment crazy and doing more harm than good.

“The main problem is that’s all too many know because too many psychos found aweaponin this power and that’s what it became. To save lives—especially children—I need people to learn what I’ve taught you and I need the professionals in this room to understand that and help me—help them.” I let out another slow breath. “Shifters have the highest suicide rate.”

“Especially in Asia where they push too hard the idea that anything they do—any little slip is a shame on their family and shifter group,” Dr. James interjected. “Yes, Dr. Greer and I have lectured several times together on the importance of mental health advocates in a group’s leadership to intercede and stop letting our people die because they were shamed.”

I nodded. “And one of the biggest reasons people are shamed from the old mindset that needs to die is having a rough first shift.” I let out another slow breath and decided to trust the people there in a way I hadn’t other colleagues. This was why I wanted to be at ASH.

It was time to show I was worth the trouble it took to get me there.

“I had an incredibly rough first shift,” I said evenly. “I had one of the worst first shifts my family had ever seen—even my grandfather, the previous Alpha of London who was in charge for over a hundred years.” I glanced around and stared down most of the shifters with egos. “Had I done what too many still preach and my family not been so evolved—”