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“Ground me forever. I don’t care,” I said, and braced to get walloped.

“That’s good, because you are,” she calmly stated. “And if you ever leave this house without permission again, I hope you get used to sleeping outside real fast.” Then she whirled and hit the fridge for a beer on her way back to her room.

I flew into my room seconds later, crying.

CHAPTER 54

Ilanded on my bed and curled up into a tight ball. If I hated her so much why did I have to love her so hard? I grabbed fistfuls of sheets and sobbed into them, from my gut, doing that quiet crying thing where I was screaming, as silently as I could.

“Jessie?”

I twisted and saw my little sister, peeking in through the door. She saw me seeing her and reached a finger in to wave it at me like a tiny worm.

“You aren’t mad, are you?” she whispered.

I was. I was horribly pissed off with every fiber of my being: at being trapped in this sad and powerless body, at being totally dependent on my mom for everything, at school for making me learn facts I’d never use, and at everyone in school for not waking up and seeing the truth about Danny when it was right in front of their eyes. High school might as well’ve been a jail where we sat out sentences for four years, praying to be granted freedom for good behavior at the end of it.

“Are you?” Allie asked again, her voice rising.

“What do you think?” I said.

She retracted her finger. “Sorry, Jessie,” she said. And she had the wisdom to close the door instead of coming in to bug me.

I woke up the next morning and checked my phone. There were still a few straggling texts telling me to fuck myself or other inanimate objects. It was like they weren’t even trying anymore.

I set the phone down and decided against showering. Just getting to school would be an accomplishment today—although Darius would be there. At the thought of seeing him some small part of me felt light.

And then my mother opened up my door.

“Good morning?” I guessed hopefully, although I could tell by looking at her it wouldn’t be.

“You’re staying home,” she said, flatly.

“What?”

“Your grades’ll be fine—I have chores planned for you.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” she said and held out her hand, snapping fingers. “And give me your phone. I don’t want you whining on insta-whatever about what an awful parent I am.”

I hesitantly handed my phone over. Without it, how would I plan tonight? But I couldn’t act like I cared, or she’d know that I cared and?—

“You can start in the kitchen. Clean out the fridge. Everything, I mean it—and when you’re done, come tell me.”

“O-kay,” I said, and waited until she was out of striking range to go into the hall.

By the time Lacey came to pick me up and knocked, I was scrubbing grout in the bathroom, and I heard my mother calmly explain that I was too sick to go to school today. Lacey sounded confused, but didn’t break rank, and I was abandoned.

Mopping wasn’t enough, I had to scrub the kitchen floor on my hands and knees. When the kitchen was done she made me startin on the bathroom, and halfway through the morning she went outside to smoke. The second she left I dove under my bed for the laptop—and logged onto ZB to message Lacey.

Grounded!!!!

My password is: orangecat

Do what you have to without me!

Then I raced to my mother’s bedroom to replace the laptop under her bed where it should’ve been all along. I heard the door open and ran to her closet, starting to sort the laundry on her floor into quick piles and she caught me on her way back.