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I turn the shower on, twisting the dial to cold before taking a piss and brushing my teeth, all the while fighting the need to barf.

My body trembles the second I step under the stream of ice-cold water, but I don’t cower away from it. I force myself to stand there and endure the pain. It’s what I deserve for the way I ended things yesterday.

I startle when Alex slams his fist down on the door. He twists the handle, but he doesn’t get very far because I engaged the lock the second I pushed away from it.

“Fuck off, A.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fucking going. I just wanted to say one more thing.”

“Great,” I mutter to myself, knowing that whatever nugget is about to fall from his lips is going to be the hardest blow to take.

“I just want you to know that I think you’re a fucking coward. All my life, I’ve been in awe of you. Of your strength, your ability to let all the bullshit roll off your back. To focus on what you really want and ensure you get it. But you fucked up with this, Bro. And not only have you disappointed me, but you’ve fucking let her down, and she’s the best fucking thing that ever happened to you.”

My palm collides with the tiles with a painful slap as my heart races so hard it makes my head spin.

“Think about that, yeah? And when you’ve grown a pair of balls, go talk to her. In the meantime, I’ll be there for her, because she deserves a friend if nothing else.”

Nothing but the sound of my heaving breaths follows that statement.

Slamming my palm down one more time, I step forward, pressing my brow to the wall and closing my eyes tight as I run through all the things I should have done differently in the past few weeks, well… months really, because all this started with my fucking pathetic self-control on Halloween.

* * *

“Who the fuck pissed on your kitten?” Isla says after inviting herself into my flat later that afternoon.

I grunt in response as I stare down at the textbook before me, trying to figure out why none of this shit makes sense now I don’t have a hot girl in a bikini sitting on my lap at the same time. Doesn’t exactly bode well for the real exams, because I’m pretty sure a lap dance would be frowned upon.

Ripping my eyes from the bullshit book, I find her staring down at me with her hands on her hips.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you studying before, D. Something is definitely up.”

I glare at her, my eyebrow quirking.

“Are you really going to stand there, pretending to be innocent?” I ask. There’s no way her turning up this afternoon is a coincidence. Alex has called in backup. I knew it was coming—it’s why I didn’t reengage the locks when I finally emerged from the bathroom. Honestly, I was expecting it to be Mum. I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or relieved that I’ve actually got my straight-talking, gives-zero-shits-about-anything best friend.

“Still being a little bitch then, I see,” she mutters, kicking off her Vans and falling down on my opposite sofa like she owns the fucking place.

“Make yourself at home,” I mutter when she rests her ankles on the armrest and her head on one of my cushions.

“When don’t I? What are you doing?”

I glower at her. Most people would probably cower, but Isla isn’t most people.

“Revising. What the fuck does it look like?”

“Honestly? Torture. That frown on your brow is so deep, you’ll probably never get rid of it.”

My glare only gets more deadly, but she’s not having any of it.

Lifting her hand, she points at my face. “You can turn that shit on someone else. Hell will freeze over the day you scare me, D.”

“More’s the pity. Maybe I’d get some peace if you had a soul like normal people,” I scoff.

“Ouch, my blackened heart bleeds,” she gasps, pressing her hand to her chest as if she’s in pain.

“You’re a dick.”

“And you’re a pussy by all accounts, so what gives?”