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‘What?’ I ask. ‘Have I missed something? I’ll have a coffee, if you’re making, Emily. Thank you.’ All bright smiles as I throw my handbag down under my desk. Unfazeable Marilyn. Confronting things head on.
‘It’s about Lisa or Charlotte or whatever,’ Julia says, after a Mexican wave of knowing glances passes around the room. I bristle. What now?
‘Oh yes?’
She perches on the edge of my desk, proprietorial. ‘Well, we all went for a drink last night, and Penny said—’
‘Penny?’ I cut in before I can stop myself.
‘We thought she needed a break from everything.’ She sayswebut she meansI. She is teacher’s pet, after all.
‘That was nice of you.’ My tone matches hers, sweetness and light, although my heart is racing. They all went to the pub without me. Worse, Penny said no to me but yes to them. Sure, it could be that she simply changed her mind, but it doesn’t ring true. She’s not comfortable with me any more. I’m tooclose.
‘Anyway, Penny said money has been going missing from the petty cash. She thinks Lisa took it.’
‘Really?’ It all plays out behind my eyes. Julia buying wine, Penny drinking too quickly, needing to relax, and then opening her big mouth.
‘You didn’t know about the money?’
She’s good. She knows I know. ‘Oh, I know about the money.’ This is my shot across her bow, a hint of accusation in my tone, and I don’t know if it’s my imagination but I’m sure I see a flash of something in her eyes.Careful, I tell myself.How much do you actually care?‘Penny told me.’
‘Did you ever see Lisa do anything suspicious?’
They’re all listening now, little flicks of heads in my direction. What else was discussed last night? Me, obviously, but in what capacity? What conclusions did they draw? What path did Julia lead them down, the sneaky little thieving bitch? The aggression in my thought shocks me into acknowledging that I believe what Lisa said. Julia is a wolf among sheep in our office.
‘No. If I had, I’d have said something.’
‘Of course you would.’ She smiles, the slashes of blood red on her lips highlighting her perfectly white teeth. Bleached, no doubt. Another trick to appear youthful. Lisa wasn’t wrong about that either.
The blinds in Penny’s office are shut and I wonder if it’s because she’s hiding from them or me or all of us. Maybe she’s got a hangover. Whichever, I can’t believe how ready she is to lay the guilt at Lisa’s door.She’s a child-killer, I want to storm in there and tell her.Not a bloody petty thief.
‘I suppose we’ll find out soon enough if she had money problems,’ Julia purrs. ‘It’s all coming out in the news.’
My stomach knots. What if they find out Richard has dug me into a financial hole and we’re living off credit cards? Will that make me suspect number one? ‘Or maybe she did it just because she could?’ I say. Julia’s smile twists, triumphant. She knows what I’m doing. Trying to worm my way back in by agreeing with them. How will they react if I do what Richard wants and sell my story? My job would be over. Would anyone else hire me? A woman in her forties in this job climate who tells all for cash?
‘Marilyn Hussey?’
I hear my name being called before I’ve even noticed the man and woman standing a few feet away from my desk. The office falls silent, everyone alert and watching.
‘Yes?’ All professional as I die a little inside.What now?
‘They told us at reception we could find you here. Could we have a word?’
The woman flashes a badge as she introduces herself as Detective Sergeant Bray, but with the dark suits and sensible shoes they’re wearing along with the dour serious expressions, it wasn’t necessary. It’s obvious they’re police.
‘Of course,’ I say. ‘Let’s go to a meeting room.’ I don’t bother to ask what it’s about. It’ll be Lisa. What else could it be? Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I’m so sick of Lisa.
It’s not about Lisa. Not directly, anyway. It’s about Ava, and I’m not steeled for that. As they ask their questions –Have you seen her since her mother’s identity was exposed? Have you heard from her last night or today? –alarm bells ring in my head and they say nothing to reassure me when I point out they must know where Ava is better than me. She’s with Lisa, surely?
Their polite smiles and expressionless eyes meet my concerned ones. I ask if she’s run away and they don’t answer, but instead parry with questions of their own.Are there any other adults, other than those at her school, she might be close to? Anyone she might contact?I rack my brains but I can only think of that swimming club of hers. Their coach maybe? Lisa didn’t have any close friends other than me, and therefore, by default, Richard. But Ava doesn’t really know him other than to say hello to.
They thank me, though it’s clear I’ve given them nothing, and it’s only when they’re about to leave I remember the one thing I know about Ava maybe no one else does. The thing I spent the whole of the last evening wondering if I should tell Lisa about.
‘If she’s missing,’ I say, hoping to get a reaction out of them that may give me some snippet of information, ‘you may want to try any local abortion clinics. I saw a bit of wrapping in the bathroom bin at their house. Only the corner, but it was from a pregnancy test, I’m sure of it.’ I should know, I’ve done enough of them in the past. ‘I think Ava might have been pregnant.’
They thank me again – this time with more sincerity, their visit here no longer wasted time – and DS Bray gives me her card. Her name is unfortunate, I think, as she walks away, feet heavy in her solid shoes, no elegance in her gait. She’s like a donkey.
It’s a mean thought and I realise what a bitch being under so much stress is making me. If Lisa were here we’d probably laugh at it, but alone it’s just bitter and mean. But if Lisa were here none of this would be happening at all.