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14

ANTHONY

I actedlike a dick the other night. A first class, grade-A dick.

I’ve got years of group therapy and one-on-one sessions with Angela up my sleeve. I’ve had countless conversations with friends and strangers about drugs and alcohol. And yet, all it took was one comment from Kali about kids getting high and I lost my temper.

I couldn’t help it. My teeth ground together as tunnel vision took over. Memories of getting high for countless years raged through my brain. Hanging out with the wrong people, the grief I gave my family who were only trying to help. Years and years wasted as I blamed everybody else for my failures. Remembering the moment with Chloe that changed everything. It’s been almost four years, but sometimes, it feels like four minutes.

My life is a constant battle of figuring out how the hell to be a sober, functioning person. Some days I do so well, I think nothing could ever break me. Other days, like that night with Kali, I freak and spiral out of control.

When it comes to that woman, I don’t know what I’m doing.

Ma always said I was an angry kid, but I never believed her until it got me in serious trouble. Punching walls when I got into arguments I couldn’t win, kicking shoes left on the floor when I wasn’t allowed something. It took a long time and a lot of heartache for my parents before I got that shit handled.

I switch off the laser machine and step back from my workstation. This is pointless. I’m going to mess up every piece of wood I have if I keep working while angry.

“Bad day?”

I turn to face my brother, who’s leaning against the doorframe. “Bad week.”

“What happened?”

I blow out a dramatic breath. “Kali doesn’t know about me. About Chloe.”

Patrick’s expression doesn’t falter, but I notice his folded arms tense. Considering I’ve mentioned the former love of his life who died because of me, he’s remarkably calm.

“I haven’t told her about any of it,” I continue. “About who I used to be and what I used to do. She doesn’t know I’m sober and going to meetings. I haven’t told her what happened … none of it.”

“And you’re worried about what her reaction might be.” It’s a statement, not a question.

I shrug. “Must be. Every time I think I’m going to tell her, I pussy out.”

“That’s not like you.”

“No shit.” I run a hand over my head in annoyance. “She made some comment about kids getting high the other day and instead of telling her about me, I got pissed and walked off.”

Patrick shakes his head. “You removed yourself from a situation instead of blowing up. Sounds like a victory to me.”

I sigh. “I don’t get it. I told Jonesy without a second thought.”

“You told Hazel in an attempt to clearmyname.” Patrick wanders so he’s standing closer to me. “This is different. You clearly like Kali.”

I groan. “Don’t start.”

“You know I’m right.”

I’m not getting into that with my brother today.

“Some kids left some threatening words on a note on her door,” I tell him, deflecting. “It might be nothing, but could you check it out?”

Patrick nods with a frown. “Of course.”

My phone buzzes and I glance down. It’s Kali. Patty’s gaze burns a hole in the side of my face. I click my phone shut and slip it back into my pocket.

“I might not be an expert with women,” Patrick says. “But ignoring them only makes it worse.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”