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There is no escaping the ironclad hold fused around me. The tangle of arms and legs twined like possessive anchors pin me to the mattress.

Morning light spills through the sheer fabric draped over the window. It streams across the bed, over the hard lines of Van’s shoulders. It plays in the soft wisps of hair falling over his brow. His face is tucked between my breasts like it’s the only home he’s ever known.

I have no plans to run. Escape isn’t even a thought as I comb the strands back. As I rake my nails along his scalp.

His low groan tilts my lips as I do it again.

Behind me, Lachlan breathes softly into my shoulder. But it’s the big hand he has splayed across my belly, a protective cradle that kicks me with a realization I’m not prepared for.

I’m on the pill. I have been since I was sixteen and my cramps were too painful. I’ve been religious in taking them.

Except this week.

Everything had been such a mess, and the days got away from me. And they came in me ... a lot. So much. Even now, I’m leaking despite not having them all of yesterday.

It’s hard not panicking.

I know what happened with Lachlan and Ashley. I know she used Bron to trap him in a relationship that nearly destroyed him. I know he hated her for it. Hated being trapped by her.

But I hadn’t meant to.

I’m not even sure I want a baby.

Still, my heart thumps wildly as I teeter between excitement and panic. The thought of a baby with Van and Lachlan thrills me, even as a deep part of me spirals in a wave of guilt and dread. It doesn’t even matter that both of them already have kids my age and have never once mentioned wanting more. Never mind that I wouldn’t even know who the father is. All I know is that Lachlan will hate me. He will step up if the kid is his and he will be an amazing father, but I will lose him. He will never forgive me for doing this to him again.

I need air.

I need space to think and a Wi-Fi connection. I need coffee and Lauren.

I need them. I need my men. I need them awake to tell me what to do even as I’m terrified to tell them.

I try not to move, but my chest is rising and falling too fast. The sheets are too hot, a scorching cocoon amplified by theheat of their bodies. I can’t move, can’t expel the pressure in my head when my body refuses to leave their hold.

Van stirs. His eyes open just a sliver and lift to my face. “Baby?”

His voice is rough gravel and sweet warmth. It breaks into the silence of the room, drowning in the rush of blood beating against the walls of my skull.

I try to answer, try to keep my voice steady, but all that comes out is a shredded squeak tight with every drop of emotion I’m fighting back.

He’s up on his elbow before I can try again. His silver eyes are on my face, scanning with the accuracy of a lie detector and I know I’m done.

We’re done.

All of this, everything they said last night will mean nothing. I know I’ve lost them. Both of them, because Van will not stay if he thinks I betrayed his friend.

And I can’t blame them. Nine years of a diligent routine, even when my parents died, I never missed a day. But the second I finally slept with them, I failed.

I. Failed.

When it mattered most.

I gave up everything, went through everything only to end up with nothing.

I can’t breathe.

“Evie?”

I push out of Lachlan’s arms. A bit of a task with only one good arm, but I scramble upright, lungs gasping. Bile hot on my tongue. I somehow untangle myself from them and the sheets and crawl to the foot of the bed.