Page 178

Over her shoulder, Van stands still. His eyes are a dark storm cloud of pain and need fixed on her. I know he wants to hold her, wants to drag her up into his arms, but he’s letting me have this moment because I need it.

Need her.

Need this sliver of peace.

“I don’t blame you,” she whispers, breaking what little thread I had on my resolve.

“You should.” My voice comes out harsher than I intended, self-loathing a tight coil around my throat. “I raised him. I failed you every time I didn’t tear you away from him.”

My jaw aches with the force of my restraint. It’s all I can do to keep the bubble of shame from rising up my chest.

Her face pulls back and tips to mine. The soft whispers of light wash over the moisture dampening her cheeks. It highlights the starburst of lashes clustered around her big eyes. She peers up at me like I mean something when I shouldn’t.

“You didn’t fail me,” she says. “I knew what I was doing when I stayed. I knew he was bad for me, but my ego kept thinking I could handle him. That’s my fault.”

I feel myself frown even as I process her logic. “That doesn’t matter. He had no right, no goddamn right to put his hands on you, Everly. To hurt you. None of this was your fault. I should have done more to keep you away from him.”

When she pushes up on her toes, face tilted, lips soft in offering, I don’t hesitate to meet her halfway. I don’t resist the need to taste her.

I kiss her.

I grip her hard against me and sink into the delicious taste of her until my head buzzes.

“I love you.” I press the words into her mouth. “I love you so much, sweetheart. I have for so long I don’t think I can ever stop.” I lift my face to peer down into hers. “But I will let you go if that’s what you want.”

“Do you want to?” she asks quietly.

“Let you go?” At her faint nod, I chuckle dryly. “I’d rather guzzle bleach, but I don’t want you to remember what happened today every time you see me. I don’t want to be the reason you relive what my son did to you. If leaving you will help you heal, I will. Even if it destroys me.”

I appreciate that she seems to think about it. Her head tilts to the side and she eyes me with deep contemplation.

“I didn’t leave because of what Bron did,” she says at last. “I left because I love you. I left because the only way I can protect you both was to no longer be the reason you got hurt.Without you and Lauren, I have no reason to be in Jefferson. But if I stayed, I know I would never be strong enough to live my life every day without you. Leaving gives you a chance to move on and being with someone you don’t have to sneak around to be with. It’s not fair to me. It’s not fair to you. I don’t want to live as anyone’s shameful secret.”

She takes a deep breath and pulls free of my embrace. She turns to face the other man with the same wistful expression of loss.

“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Either of you. Even give you up if it means giving you a chance.”

Van’s response is to close the two steps between them and scoop her up into his arms. Her legs automatically lock around his hips. Her good arm hooks around his shoulders. Her face dips over his and he fists her hair to drag her the rest of the way down.

He doesn’t kiss her.

He lets their lips linger possessively close.

“Tell us to leave.”

I hear the soft hitch in her breath, practically feel the tremor that courses through her. Her hold on him tightens even as she bumps her nose to his and whispers, “Leave.”

“Because you don’t want us,” he adds, and we both watch her features shift into one of pain and frustration.

“That’s not fair.”

He kisses the tip of her nose. “Tell us to leave, Everly.”

A weak, desperate sound escapes her that nearly breaks my heart.

“Stop,” she pleads quietly.

“This is the only chance you get,” he warns her, uncaring of the shine in her eyes. “Tell me you don’t want us anymore, and we’ll never bother you again. But if you keep us, you are never getting rid of us.”