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When I slipped back into English class, I made an excuse about needing to see the nurse and got back into my seat. For the rest of the hour and every hour until the final bell, I was on edge, waiting to see what Ryde would say.
As usual, I waited in the bathroom until most of the students cleared out, either going to a sports practice, meeting for a club, or heading home. After about fifteen minutes of scrolling social media and wondering why Ryde hadn’t texted me, I left the bathroom and went to the A/V room.
It was technically Mr. Davis’s office, but he was always gone by this time. The room made a perfect place to pass the time, crouched amongst the stacks of VHS tapes and recording equipment.
But today when I walked into the room, Ryde wasn’t there.
I’d had a feeling he wouldn’t show, but having my fears confirmed was the worst.
I looked around, wondering what to do. My dad wouldn’t be here to pick me up for another two hours. I could call him and say botany club let out early...
But the thought of doing that just pissed me off more. Ryde was being a coward. He hadn’t even asked how I was after being caught. This on and off was driving me insane, and we needed to figure it out.
I got my phone out of my pocket and dialed his number. It rang so long I thought he was going to screen my call. But then his voice came on the phone, and I swore my heart relaxed just at the sound.
“Ollie, I’m not going to make it today,” he said with a sigh. Like he was already tired of talking to me and entertaining my emotions.
Half fueled by rage and half by desperation, I said, “Like hell you aren’t.”
“Excuse me?”
“Where are you?”
“I’m in my car. I thought about coming in, but I just... I just can’t.”
“Then I’ll come to you. The least you could do is give me a ride home.” My words came out a lot more confident than I felt. I just hoped like hell he’d wait long enough for me to get there and convince him this was worth it. That we were worth it.
I gripped my phone tightly in my hand as I left the A/V room. There was hardly anyone in the hallway as I walked outside, and eventually, I walked down the school’s front steps, craning my neck to check the parking lot.
At the sight of Ryde’s car, my shoulders relaxed, but that movement was too much, and I toppled down the last several steps, banging my elbow and then my shoulder hard on the concrete.
“Shit,” I muttered, rolling on my back and holding my elbow in my hand. I could feel where the fabric of my blazer had ripped. But my pride hurt even more. Had anyone seen me?
A car door slamming shut and feet pounding on the sidewalk confirmed they had.
Before I could sit up all the way, Ryde was at my side, helping me to a seated position.
“Shit, Ollie,” he said, taking my elbow in his hands. “Are you okay?” His hazel eyes intensified at the sight of my arm. “You’re already bleeding.”
“I was bleeding before I fell,” I muttered.
Letting go of my arm, he said, “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re hurting me,” I said, tears stinging my eyes. Maybe from the pain of falling down the stairs. Maybe from the pain of falling for Ryde. “One second you’re happy to have me and the next you’re nowhere to be seen, and I swear I have fucking whiplash from it all!” I hissed.
Ryde still looked around, making sure no one could hear us. I was so sick of the secrets. Tired of the lies.
He gently tipped up my chin with his bent fingers. “I’m not as brave as you are, Ollie.”
I blinked, sending a tear falling over my cheek. “I’m not that brave. I just love you.”
Ryde’s lips parted at what I’d told him. It was the first time saying the words out loud, but I meant them. I knew they were the truth. When he’d broken things off between us last time, I’d fallen apart. Why wasn’t I good enough for him to love me out loud? Why wasn’t I worth the risk?
“Ollie...”
I braced myself for the worst. That he didn’t love me back. Or that he did, and it still wasn’t enough, just like it hadn’t been enough for my parents.
Ryde sat beside me, a regretful look on his handsome face. I’d never seen someone who looked like him—with shaggy blonde hair that got lighter at the tips. Or golden skin so perfectly tan. And his eyes. They held me, just like they always did. “I do love you.”