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My mouth opened and closed. “I don’t even have the words to tell you how absolutely perfect it was. I think this has been one of the best days in—I don’t know how long.” Cohen had made today more special than Dax had made my last two birthdays. Accepted me in ways I’d never been accepted by a man before.
The wind blew a curl across my face, and he brushed it back, sending chills down my spine. “That’s what friends are for, right?”
Friends. The word rubbed me so wrong.
Whatever Cohen and I had, it wasn’t friendship, not even close.
31
Birdie
Confession: I used to be the mean girl.
The closer we got to Mara’s house, the less I wanted to arrive. Cohen had this light around him that made me want to get his special version of sun kissed. And I knew the second he left to go home, all that brightness would be gone.
But where could he and I go that was private but wouldn’t lead to more? His place? I wouldn’t be able to control myself. And then I had an idea. The craziest, stupidest, most brilliant of ideas.
When it was time to make the turn back to Mara’s place, I said, “Do you want to help me feed Ralphie?”
He seemed surprised. “Sure, if it’s okay that we go to the school together. Aren’t there cameras?”
“Yeah, but Headmaster Bradford says they’re just for show. No one actually monitors them.”
“I’m down. Anything to spend a little more time with you.”
The butterflies in my stomach fluttered just like the birds in the aviary had. “Sounds great.”
He knew the way to the school and easily navigated there while we talked about the birds and the best birdwatching places around Emerson. The more I spoke to him, the less I thought about Dax. The realization brought an even bigger smile to my face.
“Here we are,” Cohen said, parking in the empty lot. There was no one on the premises, aside from us, which put me more at ease. I still had a rush of adrenaline at doing something so off limits. What was scarier? How much I liked it.
“Okay,” I said, getting out of the car. “Our alibi is that Ollie left some of his homework in his locker and you called me to let you into the building to get it. Of course I obliged because he’s struggling in school, and Emerson Academy will do anything to keep our parents happy, right?”
He bit his lip. “Anything?”
My mouth went dry, and I looked down to my purse, suddenly anxious to find my key ring.
He chuckled. “I was just joking. That sounds like a good plan.”
“Right,” I said, slightly disappointed for reasons I couldn’t understand. Why was I such a mess? Hadn’t I been telling Cohen all along we were just friends? We walked up the front steps, and I put my key in the hole, jiggling it. When we got to my office, I would let him know how much I enjoyed spending time with him, but that this had to be our last date. The last time we met outside of school.
Finally, the lock gave, and I pushed the door open. The halls were empty and dark sans emergency lighting casting a dim glow over the tiles.
He shuddered. “High schools make me uncomfortable. Especially when they’re empty.”
“Same,” I said. “But I kind of think that’s a good thing.”
“Explain,” he said.
I brushed my fingers over the row of lockers, feeling the cold metal against my skin. “No one grows or learns in their comfort zone. You always have to be a little uncomfortable if you truly want to get somewhere better than you were before.”
With a smile, he shook his head. “You’re romanticizing high school for me. I thought you said you had a hard time in school?”
A small sigh passed through my lips. If I wasn’t going to see him again, I could be honest, right? It wouldn’t matter after today. “I was the mean girl, Cohen.”
He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “What?”
“I was so mean.” Tears pricked my eyes as I remembered the ways I used to torture those around me. “Now I know it was because of how controlled I felt at home—I was trying to get any amount of power where I could find it, and I was so miserable. I reached out to the people I hurt and apologized, but I still regret it.” I looked down, not wanting to face him.