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“I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry about this one.” Thankfully, she laughs, making me smile.

She rests her hands on my chest and lightly kisses me before pulling away. “No more apologies. You’ve apologized enough, and honestly, it's past time that I accept it. I still have a lot to work through, and I’m a long way away from truly forgiving you for everything. But Iamtrying.”

I nod and squeeze her tight against me. “Just tell me what to do, Jess, and I’ll do it.”

“Be patient.” There’s a nervousness in her eyes even though she smiles. “And don’t give up.”

A smile spreads across my face as I kiss her forehead. “I can do that. I’ll wait for you for however long this takes.”

CHAPTER 17

JESSICA

Ipark my rental outside The Wine Room and an overwhelming sense of belonging washes over me. Despite Ryan’s insistence that we sell the vineyard, the thought of letting this place go makes me nauseous. No matter what happens between Matthew and me, this is home.

If I stay, I have to sort out my feelings and decide what kind of future the two of us have. I can’t keep kissing him like this—leading him on—without first forgiving him. It’s not fair to either of us.

When we’re together, and he’s kissing me like I’m the only thing he needs to stay alive, I can’t think straight. I lose all sense of reason and logic. I want to forgive him and try to make a go at a relationship, but my fear holds me back. He’s hurt me so many times in the past, and if he does it again, I don’t think I’ll survive.

I drop my head to the steering wheel and groan. “You’re such a chicken shit, Jess.”

I’m letting my fear dictate my decisions. I’ve been doing it for years, and I don’t know how to change.

I take a deep breath, grab my purse, and head inside. I’m not going to find the answers today, so I might as well meet with Nick and deal with the vineyard’s business. Maybe once I have a status update, I’ll be better equipped to make a decision about what to do with it.

My shoulders sag when I see Nick waiting for me in the back corner booth—the one where Matthew first kissed me.

“Hey Jessie Cat.” Nick smiles and slides out to give me a hug. “It’s about time you showed your face around here. I was starting to think you’d already given up on us.”

“Nope, just super busy. Between the funeral and keeping my own business afloat, it’s been a little much to maintain.” We sit down, and he starts shuffling around some folders. I let out a deep breath and drop my head back on the seat. I’m exhausted and confused and extremely unfocused today. “Trust me, I would’ve much rather spent time here last week than deal with all the business meetings I had to sit through.”

“Then why do you do it?” he asks.

“What do you mean?” I furrow my brows and frown. “It’s my business. I kinda have to keep things moving forward.”

“I get that, but you sound like you hate it.”

I sit up straight. Every defensive instinct in my body fights to come to the surface. “I don’t hate it. How could I hate something I created? I’ve poured my heart and soul into my company.”

Nick squeezes my hand. “I’m not trying to upset you, Jess. Just trying to understand why you do what you do. You don’t seem happy, and I don’t like that.”

I rub my eyes and sigh. He’s not wrong. I do hate it.

I’m not happy, and I haven’t been for a long time. I was so excited when my business first kicked off. Success was inevitable and fast. At first, I loved every second of it. But as time went on and more and more of my time was sucked into work, my happiness waned. I’ve been doing it for so long now, I don’t know how tonotdo it anymore.

“I just want to see you happy.” Nick reaches around me and pulls me in for a side hug. “If you’re happy and want to sell, I understand. But before you make that decision, I hope you’ll at least spend some time on the vineyard again. This place is in your blood. You were meant to run it. I still believe that with all my heart.”

I sigh, no longer able to hold onto the lie of my false happiness. “I didn’t even realize how unhappy I am until I got here. But I don’t know how to fix it.”

He tightens his hold around my shoulder. “Jess, you’ve been here for two weeks. Is your company still running?”

I look up at him, confused. “Yeah.”

“Is it falling apart? About to crumble to the ground and cease to exist?”

“Well … no.”

“And why is that?”