Page 26
Story: Capture the Rainbow
“Married!” Her eyes widened in shock. She felt an explosion of joy so wild and free that it took her breath away and made her dizzy.
“I know you’re not ready for it yet.” There was a touch of little boy belligerence in his stance. “You’ve made sure I know how much you value your blasted independence. But dammit, you know that what we’ve got is special. It’s not only sex; it’s a hell of a lot more and I’m not going to let you walk away from it.”
Walk away from it? She wanted to bolt toward him as if he were the only safe harbor left in a stormy world. Sweet heaven, how she wanted that. But how could she run to his arms when she still had her responsibility to Casey? She had been running from that realization since the moment she had met Joel, but now it was staring her in the face. She had no right to ask anyone else to shoulder the kind of responsibility that still loomed ahead of her. Marriage would automatically shift part of her burden to Joel, and she felt she had no right to do that, even supposing he was willing to share it with her. The wrenching agony of that knowledge was so great that for a moment she didn’t think she could bear it. Kendra closed her eyes and tried to gather her strength to do what had to be done. It shouldn’t be all that difficult, she thought bitterly; she was a world-class expert these days at doing what had to be done.
“Kendra?” She opened her eyes to see Joel standing before her, his eyes dark with concern. “What’s wrong?”
Say the words. It would be better once the words were out and standing between them. She lifted her chin and forced herself to smile. “Nothing. Nothing at all is wrong. It’s just that I’m afraid we don’t agree on the need for that kind of commitment. I have no intention of marrying you, Joel. I thought you knew that.” There was a flash of something in his face that made her glance away hastily. Oh no, please, let her be the only one to be hurt. She couldn’t stand it if she had to bear Joel’s pain, too. He hadn’t said he loved her, only that they had something special. Surely he couldn’t be feeling the same torment that she was. She rushed on in desperation. “It’s not that I don’t want to continue our relationship. Naturally, I agree that physically we couldn’t be more compatible. I truly like and admire you, Joel. I’ll be very happy to spend as much time with you as we can possibly manage with our separate career commitments.” She steeled herself to meet his eyes with steadiness. “But anything more permanent between us is impossible.” She repeated with quiet emphasis, “Completely impossible.”
There was no pain in his face now, only a cynical hardness that somehow hurt her even more. “Oh yes, how could I forget your precious career commitments? You’ll have to forgive me for injecting a note of sentiment into what you consider a purely physical attraction.” His smile was bitter. “However, I can’t say I’m flattered that you’d prefer a career of risking your neck to a lifetime with me. It’s pretty hard on a man’s ego.”
“Joel,” she started impulsively. “It’s not that I…”
“Shut up!” The violence in his voice startled her as did the sudden flare of anger in his eyes. He drew a deep, steadying breath and enunciated very carefully. “I think it would be wise if you’d just get dressed so we can get the hell out of here. I don’t seem to be accepting your rejection in a very civilized manner. Funny, you’d think I’d be a pro at it by now.”
She stared at him helplessly for a long moment before she gathered the sheet around her and started toward the bathroom door. She was only halfway there when he spoke again. “As for your offer to continue our affair on your terms, I’ll have to give it considerably more thought.” She looked over her shoulder to see him smile in bitter self-mockery. “I’d like to tell you to go to hell, but I’d probably be safer to leave my options open. Even though I could cheerfully break your neck at the moment, I still want you so much that I’m tied in knots. Does that give your ego a lift, Kendra?”
“No!” It hurt more than she could let him know. Her lips were trembling as she tried to smile brightly. “Don’t worry, they say infatuation doesn’t last forever. Perhaps you’ll find you were right the first time about rainbow ladies.”
“It’s possible.” There was a sudden ripple of pain on his face, and he said wearily, “No, I’m lying. I meant every damn word I said tonight and, God help me, I still mean it.” He turned away. “But you can bet I’m going to do everything I can to get over this ‘infatuation.’ I’ve learned that this particular rainbow lady can be very dangerous to me.” He stood at the door. “I’ll wait for you in the lobby.” Then the door closed softly behind him.
EIGHT
THE NAUSEA CAMEon so suddenly that Kendra barely made it to the bathroom in time. The retching seemed to go on forever. When it finally subsided, she could only lean against the basin and try to gather the strength to get back to bed.
“Kendra, are you okay?” Billie was standing at the bathroom door, her violet eyes still misty with sleep, but a look of concern was on her face. “Can I do anything for you?”
“No,” Kendra murmured. “It must be something I ate. Go back to bed, Billie. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“It’s about time to get up anyway.” Billie glanced at the window; dawn was approaching and the sky was turning from black to dull gray. “We have to be on the set in a couple of hours.” She frowned anxiously. “There’s no way you can do that horse chase today. I’ll tell Joel he’ll just have to postpone it until you’re feeling better.”
“No!” Kendra shook her head violently and was instantly punished for it. The heaving this time was even worse because she had nothing left in her stomach. She heard Billie’s mutterings of distress and sympathy; then, suddenly, strong comforting arms wrapped around her. But they weren’t Billie’s arms and she looked up dazedly to see Yusef, his hair even wilder than usual, his shirt unbuttoned and hastily shoved into his pants, and his dark eyes warm with sympathy. She seemed to be disturbing the entire household. It wasn’t any wonder, the way the three of them lived on top of each other in this tiny house. “It’s nothing, Yusef. I’ll be all right in a moment.”
He ignored her and reached up to pull the chain on the commode. He cradled her in one arm while he turned on the water in the basin and dampened a washcloth. Then he was wiping her face with the cloth, and its coolness felt heavenly on her warm forehead.
“Wonderful,” she murmured.
He smiled gently. “All will be well with you soon.” He picked her up as if her weight were nothing and carried her back to bed, an anxious Billie following at his heels. He set her carefully on the side of the bed and carefully straightened her cotton nightgown, brushing her hair away from her face with a touch as gentle as a mother’s for an ailing child.
“Sit very still.” His deep voice was soothing. “Presently the sickness will go away and I will bring you tea and toast. Next time you must call me before you get out of bed. It is very bad to move swiftly. The dizziness may come again and you might fall.”
“Next time,” Billie echoed worriedly. “You think it’s not a temporary upset?”
Yusef shook his tousled head firmly. “No, it is the child.” He smiled gently into Kendra’s face. “Is that not so?”
Kendra stared back at him numbly. After the first electrifying shock, she realized she wasn’t surprised at the fact itself, merely that she’d been brought face-to-face with it. She had turned into a veritable ostrich, hiding away from reality because she couldn’t cope. The signs had been there for her to see, but she’d pushed them into her subconscious and refused to think about them. “Yes, it’s the child,” she said slowly.
“A baby? You’re pregnant?” Billie’s face was alight. “That’s wonderful!” She paused, her expression clouding. “Or maybe it isn’t. I guess a lot of women don’t feel the same way as I do about babies. Do you want the baby, Kendra?”
Trust unconventional Billie not to consider first and foremost that the baby would be illegitimate, Kendra thought affectionately. Billie’s sole concern was whether or not Kendra wanted the child. And shedidwant this baby, she realized suddenly. She wanted it with a fierceness that was almost primitive. Joel’s baby, she thought dreamily. Green sorcerer’s eyes and glossy dark curls…but the child would never have his cynical smile, born of pain and disillusion. She would surround her baby with so much love, so much protection that the child would only know happiness.
“I want the baby very much, Billie,” she answered quietly. “I must be totally insane. I should be absolutely frantic with worry. As if I don’t have enough responsibilities to worry about now. And this is going to complicate my life even more!”
“Casey?” Billie asked gently. They’d grown so close in the past weeks that Kendra had found herself confiding in Billie without the slightest hesitancy. “I can see the problem, but these things have a way of working themselves out.”
Kendra distractedly ran her hand through her hair. “Soon I won’t be able to work at stunting. It would be too dangerous for the baby. I’ll have to find something else to do until after the birth.”
“Your man will help you,” Yusef said. “Mr. Damon would not want you to worry while you carried his child.”
“I know you’re not ready for it yet.” There was a touch of little boy belligerence in his stance. “You’ve made sure I know how much you value your blasted independence. But dammit, you know that what we’ve got is special. It’s not only sex; it’s a hell of a lot more and I’m not going to let you walk away from it.”
Walk away from it? She wanted to bolt toward him as if he were the only safe harbor left in a stormy world. Sweet heaven, how she wanted that. But how could she run to his arms when she still had her responsibility to Casey? She had been running from that realization since the moment she had met Joel, but now it was staring her in the face. She had no right to ask anyone else to shoulder the kind of responsibility that still loomed ahead of her. Marriage would automatically shift part of her burden to Joel, and she felt she had no right to do that, even supposing he was willing to share it with her. The wrenching agony of that knowledge was so great that for a moment she didn’t think she could bear it. Kendra closed her eyes and tried to gather her strength to do what had to be done. It shouldn’t be all that difficult, she thought bitterly; she was a world-class expert these days at doing what had to be done.
“Kendra?” She opened her eyes to see Joel standing before her, his eyes dark with concern. “What’s wrong?”
Say the words. It would be better once the words were out and standing between them. She lifted her chin and forced herself to smile. “Nothing. Nothing at all is wrong. It’s just that I’m afraid we don’t agree on the need for that kind of commitment. I have no intention of marrying you, Joel. I thought you knew that.” There was a flash of something in his face that made her glance away hastily. Oh no, please, let her be the only one to be hurt. She couldn’t stand it if she had to bear Joel’s pain, too. He hadn’t said he loved her, only that they had something special. Surely he couldn’t be feeling the same torment that she was. She rushed on in desperation. “It’s not that I don’t want to continue our relationship. Naturally, I agree that physically we couldn’t be more compatible. I truly like and admire you, Joel. I’ll be very happy to spend as much time with you as we can possibly manage with our separate career commitments.” She steeled herself to meet his eyes with steadiness. “But anything more permanent between us is impossible.” She repeated with quiet emphasis, “Completely impossible.”
There was no pain in his face now, only a cynical hardness that somehow hurt her even more. “Oh yes, how could I forget your precious career commitments? You’ll have to forgive me for injecting a note of sentiment into what you consider a purely physical attraction.” His smile was bitter. “However, I can’t say I’m flattered that you’d prefer a career of risking your neck to a lifetime with me. It’s pretty hard on a man’s ego.”
“Joel,” she started impulsively. “It’s not that I…”
“Shut up!” The violence in his voice startled her as did the sudden flare of anger in his eyes. He drew a deep, steadying breath and enunciated very carefully. “I think it would be wise if you’d just get dressed so we can get the hell out of here. I don’t seem to be accepting your rejection in a very civilized manner. Funny, you’d think I’d be a pro at it by now.”
She stared at him helplessly for a long moment before she gathered the sheet around her and started toward the bathroom door. She was only halfway there when he spoke again. “As for your offer to continue our affair on your terms, I’ll have to give it considerably more thought.” She looked over her shoulder to see him smile in bitter self-mockery. “I’d like to tell you to go to hell, but I’d probably be safer to leave my options open. Even though I could cheerfully break your neck at the moment, I still want you so much that I’m tied in knots. Does that give your ego a lift, Kendra?”
“No!” It hurt more than she could let him know. Her lips were trembling as she tried to smile brightly. “Don’t worry, they say infatuation doesn’t last forever. Perhaps you’ll find you were right the first time about rainbow ladies.”
“It’s possible.” There was a sudden ripple of pain on his face, and he said wearily, “No, I’m lying. I meant every damn word I said tonight and, God help me, I still mean it.” He turned away. “But you can bet I’m going to do everything I can to get over this ‘infatuation.’ I’ve learned that this particular rainbow lady can be very dangerous to me.” He stood at the door. “I’ll wait for you in the lobby.” Then the door closed softly behind him.
EIGHT
THE NAUSEA CAMEon so suddenly that Kendra barely made it to the bathroom in time. The retching seemed to go on forever. When it finally subsided, she could only lean against the basin and try to gather the strength to get back to bed.
“Kendra, are you okay?” Billie was standing at the bathroom door, her violet eyes still misty with sleep, but a look of concern was on her face. “Can I do anything for you?”
“No,” Kendra murmured. “It must be something I ate. Go back to bed, Billie. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“It’s about time to get up anyway.” Billie glanced at the window; dawn was approaching and the sky was turning from black to dull gray. “We have to be on the set in a couple of hours.” She frowned anxiously. “There’s no way you can do that horse chase today. I’ll tell Joel he’ll just have to postpone it until you’re feeling better.”
“No!” Kendra shook her head violently and was instantly punished for it. The heaving this time was even worse because she had nothing left in her stomach. She heard Billie’s mutterings of distress and sympathy; then, suddenly, strong comforting arms wrapped around her. But they weren’t Billie’s arms and she looked up dazedly to see Yusef, his hair even wilder than usual, his shirt unbuttoned and hastily shoved into his pants, and his dark eyes warm with sympathy. She seemed to be disturbing the entire household. It wasn’t any wonder, the way the three of them lived on top of each other in this tiny house. “It’s nothing, Yusef. I’ll be all right in a moment.”
He ignored her and reached up to pull the chain on the commode. He cradled her in one arm while he turned on the water in the basin and dampened a washcloth. Then he was wiping her face with the cloth, and its coolness felt heavenly on her warm forehead.
“Wonderful,” she murmured.
He smiled gently. “All will be well with you soon.” He picked her up as if her weight were nothing and carried her back to bed, an anxious Billie following at his heels. He set her carefully on the side of the bed and carefully straightened her cotton nightgown, brushing her hair away from her face with a touch as gentle as a mother’s for an ailing child.
“Sit very still.” His deep voice was soothing. “Presently the sickness will go away and I will bring you tea and toast. Next time you must call me before you get out of bed. It is very bad to move swiftly. The dizziness may come again and you might fall.”
“Next time,” Billie echoed worriedly. “You think it’s not a temporary upset?”
Yusef shook his tousled head firmly. “No, it is the child.” He smiled gently into Kendra’s face. “Is that not so?”
Kendra stared back at him numbly. After the first electrifying shock, she realized she wasn’t surprised at the fact itself, merely that she’d been brought face-to-face with it. She had turned into a veritable ostrich, hiding away from reality because she couldn’t cope. The signs had been there for her to see, but she’d pushed them into her subconscious and refused to think about them. “Yes, it’s the child,” she said slowly.
“A baby? You’re pregnant?” Billie’s face was alight. “That’s wonderful!” She paused, her expression clouding. “Or maybe it isn’t. I guess a lot of women don’t feel the same way as I do about babies. Do you want the baby, Kendra?”
Trust unconventional Billie not to consider first and foremost that the baby would be illegitimate, Kendra thought affectionately. Billie’s sole concern was whether or not Kendra wanted the child. And shedidwant this baby, she realized suddenly. She wanted it with a fierceness that was almost primitive. Joel’s baby, she thought dreamily. Green sorcerer’s eyes and glossy dark curls…but the child would never have his cynical smile, born of pain and disillusion. She would surround her baby with so much love, so much protection that the child would only know happiness.
“I want the baby very much, Billie,” she answered quietly. “I must be totally insane. I should be absolutely frantic with worry. As if I don’t have enough responsibilities to worry about now. And this is going to complicate my life even more!”
“Casey?” Billie asked gently. They’d grown so close in the past weeks that Kendra had found herself confiding in Billie without the slightest hesitancy. “I can see the problem, but these things have a way of working themselves out.”
Kendra distractedly ran her hand through her hair. “Soon I won’t be able to work at stunting. It would be too dangerous for the baby. I’ll have to find something else to do until after the birth.”
“Your man will help you,” Yusef said. “Mr. Damon would not want you to worry while you carried his child.”