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Like Emma’s mom. Whose funeral was…

God needed her more than you, Caleb.

I choked.

Useless. Even your dad leaves you alone.

I tried to take deep breaths, scrunching the sheets underneath, but my eyes were tearing up and head felt dizzy. I could die, I realized, laughing at the back of my head.

Closing my mouth, I tried again, but panic seized my chest and I couldn’t move.

Until someone dark and blurry appeared in front of me. It was Aaron in a black suit. His voice was assuring, getting louder until his lips touched mine and everything went blank in my mind.

Even the voices quieted down.

I gasped into the kiss when I could finally breathe. I was about to pull away when the door opened, and Emma, my girlfriend at the time, found me kissing our mutual friend on her bed.

I had tried to make her understand, but she had moved on. No one knew about the panic attack except Aaron, and I had avoided him until we bumped into each other at university. By then, I realized I enjoyed kissing boys or even sleeping with them.

And now, I was going to die because I hadn’t protected Anna or Kyle better. I deserved it.

Maybe I could finally meet my mom and ask her if she was finally happy.

Kyle

My eyes were swollen and red. I stared at the grout between the tiles of the hospital floor. I had been staring for so long that my eyes were making rainbow-colored patterns until they jumbled together.

I looked up when I heard footsteps, nurses and doctors walking by in a rush in their scrubs. My phone vibrated in my pants, but I ignored it. I knew it could be from my office, Grandma Jem, or reporters. The latter I avoided since they wanted to know what had happened.

What the fuck had happened?

Everything was perfect. I was smiling from the car, looking at Caleb and Anna, wondering where we could go on a date that night. They were giggling, Anna kissing his nose, and it was fucking perfect.

Until it wasn’t.

Until Caleb had embraced her with panic in his eyes as they both were pushed down on the asphalt with the explosion. Even I had hit my head on the window with my car beeping loudly.

My legs and hands were shaking when I called the ambulance. Anna was moving, but Caleb wasn’t. And blood—so much blood.

I cupped my mouth to hold back the coffee and blinked to clear my vision.

Three days had passed. Anna had woken up in four hours and she was recovering well from her concussion. She got lucky, the doctor had said.

Lucky, since Caleb received the full impact of explosion and got slammed on the rough floor.

“Kyle.”

I met her hazel eyes, dark circles underneath them, and stood up. Her hair was in a braid and a large bandage covered her forehead.

“You should be in bed,” I said, helping her sit down outside Caleb’s private room.

“I can’t rest,” she said, her voice shaky. “I can’t stop overthinking about?—”

I took her hand in mine, rubbing my fingers over her soft digits, noting the curve and dip. She was alive. Her skin was warm and nails were strong.

“It’s okay,” I lied without meeting her eyes. “It’s going to be okay.”

I knew it wasn’t going to be okay. We had been living in our private bubble for the few weeks we were dating. But I wasn’t being truthful with my grandma. She hadn’t told Aaron the truth about why we were together that morning and Caleb… only he wasn’t afraid of anything.