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Her knees are wobbly, and I help her back into her pants. “No one will know this happened except Miller,” I assure her, straightening her shirt. “The good news is that you don’t have to lie about what happened in here. I gave you a pounding. You survived. Now you’re one step closer to being a Zeta Sig.”

A small, strange smile tugs at her lips and I can tell she’s proud of herself. She should be, but all I can think of as I unlock the parlor door is how fucking ruined we’ll be if Royer finds out the truth.

25

Reagan

As I exit the room, I catch sight of myself in the mirror hanging on the parlor wall. It’s not my red cheeks or glassy, well-fucked eyes that catch my attention. It’s the round circle of the pledge button. The camera. How much of that did Grayson see?

On one hand, I’d be enough to bring down the whole house, but it’ll also ruin me more than I already am. It would ruin what he and I have tentatively started.

Did that matter now? God, I’m so confused. My complicated life just got a million times worse. Three complicated men. None of whom I really trust. I sniff, wiping my nose with the edge of my shirt, wincing with every step. I’m spiraling, I can feel it; the pain and humiliation—now and coming—too much to bear.

None of that matters, though. Just outside the hall, I see the three of them waiting. Royer and Rat look skeptical. Miller, like he may want to snap Knox’s neck.

Knox stretches out the paddle by the flat end and points the handle at Rat. “You may want to wear gloves before you touch that.”

Rat wrinkles his nose and turns his gaze to me. “How’d he take it?” he asks.

“Like a Zeta Sig,” Knox answers. “Like a brother.”

“Good,” Royer says, “I want someone with him until the final phase. We can’t have him running off and squealing on us until it’s over.”

“I’m not going to squeal,” I say, hating him even more. “I signed up for this, just like everyone else. I told you I wanted in on the traditions and yeah, that was a fucking awful one, but I survived it. How many other members can say the same?”

There’s a beat of silence, the whole room engulfed in Royer’s paranoia. I force myself to breathe normally, and both Miller and Knox seem completely calm. The last person I expect to break it is Rat, but he slaps Royer on the ass with the paddle and says, “Dude, chill out. You don’t trust anyone, which is not the point of this exercise. He’s come this far; I think he’s pretty solid.”

Rat thrusts his hand out and I shake it, using the skills Grayson taught me. Firm grip, eye contact. “I know your ass and your pride hurt right now, forty-seven, but trust me, one day you’ll see this for what it is: being a legend.”

Miller grins, and Knox rubs the top of my head. A strange feeling fills my chest, one that horrifies me when I finally recognize it for what it really is: pride.

Although Royer backs down a little,he held firm on someone being with me all the time. Knox is the one that says, “Forty-seven, you’re coming with me.”

I turn to Miller for confirmation. He nods his approval. “I’ve got a few things to do to get ready for tonight. Stick with Knox.” He gives his friend a pointed look. “Take care of him.”

“Got it, bro.” They bump fists and I fight the apprehension of going off with Knox alone. I barely know him and have no idea what to expect. With Miller, it’s definitely a case of the devil I know. My body grows hot and anxious as we climb the stairs to the second floor. My heart pounds against my ribcage as we pass Miller’s room and Knox opens the door to his own. His space is clean—tidy—impersonal since it’s just a temporary lodging, but his bed is made and his belongings put in place.

He unzips his hoodie and hangs it on a hook behind the door. “Get undressed,” he tells me, walking into the bathroom. A moment later, I hear the rush of gurgling water.

I’m frozen in the middle of the room, consumed by panic. I have no choice but to do whatever this man wants me to do, but also… I can’t help but wonder if Grayson is trying to find me. Does the whole council know what happened to me today?

“Th—Reagan,” Knox says, sticking his head back in the room. “Strip and come in here. Now.”

His tone is forceful enough that I snap into action, dropping my pants and pulling off my shirt and tank. Naked, humiliated, and feeling like my ass is on fire, I shuffle into the bathroom where Knox is bent over the full tub, pouring in a white powder from a box.

“Epsom salt,” he says, placing the box on the counter. His eyes stutter over my tits and pussy before making it back to my face. “It’s good for sore muscles.” He nods at my lower body. “It’ll help with the pain.”

“Oh,” I say, completely shocked. “That’s… that’s very nice of you.”

“I have some experience with muscle soreness. That’s why I insisted on the room with the tub.” He offers me his hand to assist me in getting into the tub. I take it, hissing when my toe hits the hot water. I try not to wince at how the high step tugs at my asshole and rely on him more than I want to keep steady. With his guidance, I slowly ease into the water, letting it come all the way to my neck. It both burns and feels good. Knox sits on the toilet, resting his elbows on his thighs, watching me.

I cross my arms over my chest. His eyes narrow and he motions for me to keep them uncovered. Releasing them, my tits float just at the surface. He doesn’t stop staring at my face.

“What?” I ask, feeling beyond self-conscious.

“I’m just trying to reconcile you being a female.”

“What we did in there wasn’t enough?” I lift my tits, pushing them above the waterline. “These aren’t enough?”