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I cover myself and sit up, suddenly self-conscious. “You forced me.”

“Sometimes we have to be encouraged to try new things.” He shrugs. “It’s not my fault Royer didn’t pleasure you.”

“Don’t talk about Royer.” I’m standing now, grabbing my clothes. Looking for an exit. Being around Miller is dangerous. “You’ll obviously do anything to bring him down.”

“The weird thing,” he says, pulling up his jeans. “Is that you’re still protecting him. Why? What did that man give you?” His lips curve upward. “Definitely not an orgasm like that.”

“I don’t owe you an explanation.” But he does have control. Once I’m dressed, I stand by the door. “Can I leave now?”

He stares at me for a long moment, working the tight muscle in the back of his jaw. He walks over and opens the door. A member walks by and he says, “Number forty-seven is finished helping me unpack. Take him to the field so he can do his laps.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Wait… what?” I stare at him. “You want me to—”

“Talk back to me, forty-seven and I’ll double it.” The soft, post-orgasmic glint in his eye is gone, and it’s been replaced with the mean cold gaze of entitlement. He took what he wanted and is done with me.

I step into the hall, following the member toward the stairs, hearing the firm click of the bedroom door as it shuts. If I thought Miller was going to be an ally in here, I was wrong. He’s the same thing he’s always been: a fucking asshole.

12

Reagan

The next morning we’re given a pager, blindfolded, and herded onto a shuttle. We’re dropped on the outskirts of campus, near the campus bus stop.

“Remember, goats, what happens during the gauntlet stays in the gauntlet,” Rat says from the front of the shuttle. “Squealers get eliminated.”

He doesn’t say more, but the implication is there. No second chances.

A yawn rips through me, and I cover my mouth. After leaving Miller’s room and doing my run, I only got three hours of sleep. I’m barely functioning as we’re told we can remove the blindfolds. I follow the line of pledges out down the middle of the shuttle, tripping on one of the steps. A hand reaches out and grabs my hip.

I turn back and see Miller sitting in the front row. I didn’t even realize he was here. “Be careful, goat.”

I blink and continue off the shuttle and onto the sidewalk. Everything in my life has been turned upside down in the last week. New school, blacklisted, dumped, humiliated, and given an entirely new look and gender. But the worst part is Miller Hansen entering my life.

At least I know he can’t hurt me out here—or force himself on me. Not in public. Not on campus. I look up at the window and see him staring down at me, winking when he catches my eye.

At least I think he can’t do any of those things.

“Mr. Hart,I’m sorry you’re finding the material this morning so boring. Mr. Hart… Mr. Hart!”

A foot slams against the back of my chair and I jolt awake, gripping my pencil in my fingers. My professor, with his graying hair and Coke-bottle glasses, is two feet away, staring at me intently. A quick glace around tells me everyone else is too.

“Thank you for joining us. I know molecular biology isn’t the most enthralling subject, but generally my students at least pretend to pay attention.”

“Sorry,” I mumble. I catch the eye of the girl next to me. She’s pretty. Long hair. Stylish clothes. Shoes to die for. Two weeks ago, she would have been me. She wrinkles her nose points at my chin. I touch it, realizing it’s wet with drool, and quickly wipe it away with the sleeve of my hoodie. God, what’s happened to me?

“Thank you,” Professor Dawes replies, his smile tight and condescending. “Maybe you can tell us what you see on the next slide.”

I manage to fumble through the answer and stay awake through the rest of the class. When we’re dismissed, I stand up and look to see who kicked my chair. I’m shocked to see it’s Janelle.

“Thanks for that,” I say, avoiding her eye.

“Yeah, I did it as much for myself as anything.” She slings her black messenger bag across her chest. “The professor had been staring you down for most of the class, which meant he was basically only focused on this section of the room. It was stressing me out.”

“Oh, well, thanks anyway.”

She eases out of the row of seats. “It’s just so fucking dumb.”