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Chapter Five

Adam rose when the nurse opened the doors to the ICU patient rooms and began pointing at a sign, repeating instructions about how long visits were and what wasn’t allowed. Adam had already read the sign ten times, but he listened anyway, needing something to focus on. He glanced back at Ben and Jeremy, trying to smile at them.

Ben turned to Jeremy. “I don’t mind waiting here alone. You can go if you want.”

Jeremy shook his head. “No. They need to talk.” He lifted his gaze to Adam. “Unless you want me with you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Adam said quickly, even though he didn’t believe it. He joined the herd of other visitors and propelled himself forward somehow. He kept walking down the hallway, the crowd thinning around him as others found their loved ones’ rooms. Jeremy had said she was the last on the left, and Adam stopped when he saw her name scribbled on a piece of paper and clipped to the tray on the door. A clipboard with some records sat in the tray, and Adam fought the urge to look at it. He paused, trying to remember exactly how long it had been since they’d spoken.

Seven years. That’s when the diagnosis came. When Uncle Reg said I needed to tell them.

Adam took a deep breath, but when he let it out, he felt a little shaky.

“You okay, sweetie?” a woman to his right asked.

Adam looked over to see a nurse at his side eyeing him. “Yes. Just nervous.”

She looked to the door. “She looks a lot better than when they brought her in. You’re the other son?”

Adam nodded.

She gave him a little shove. “Then get in there, sweetie. You only get thirty minutes.”

Adam looked back to the door and made himself start walking again. He pushed it open and looked in, and his chest constricted as the beeping of machines reached his ears. His mother looked small and overwhelmed in the huge hospital bed. She raised her head, and he saw cuts and bruises on her face.

“Hi,” he said, pushing the door closed behind him and moving forward.

“Hello, Adam.”

He made his way to the bed and stood at her side. “How are you feeling?”

“Drained. I’ve been sleeping for days, but it sure doesn’t feel like it.” Her hands clenched the sheet spread over her legs.

“Can I get you anything? Do anything for you?”

She looked into his face, a helpless look in her eyes. “I don’t know how to say I’m sorry. Just saying it … it’s not enough.”

“If you mean it, then it’s more than enough.” He sat down, feeling shaky again. “I’m gay. I was born gay. It’s part of who I am. And I’ve met someone I could see myself ending up with. Marrying.”

“What’s he like?”

“Younger than me. Handsome. Strong and opinionated. He’s gotten me through this week.”

“It’s serious then?”

“For me, yes. But it’s early days.”

She reached over for his hand, hers trembling a bit until he steadied it in its grip. “I am sorry, Adam. I know I have so much to make up for. Your father will be difficult, but Jeremy will help me. He was so happy when I asked for you.” Tears filled her eyes. “It was some time ago … I was looking through albums, remembering … and I realized that if you weren’t really gay, you’d have given it up by now. To be part of the family again, I mean. It makes no sense to fake something that makes your life harder.” She pressed her lips together. “Does that make sense?”

“Yes. And it’s exactly right. If it was just a phase or affectation or whatever, I wouldn’t have lasted a month.”

She wiped at her eyes. “You’ve done so much over the years. The money in our account and everything.”

One of the machines began to beep faster, and Adam squeezed her hand. “All is forgiven. We can talk about that kind of stuff later. Much later. You should rest. Tell me what you’ve been up to. I hear you have a couple of dogs now.”

“I do. They’re a bit excitable, but they’re great company to me while your father is at work.”

Adam scooted his chair closer, letting the questions flow out of him.