Page 56

“I did, but I’m feeling strangely sentimental about those one-syllable tools. I’m even glad I didn’t let Nico behead them as a courting present.”

My dad chuckles loudly and then shakes his head. “Nowthat’sa courting present. But why are you feeling sentimental about those morons?”

It takes a moment to summon the right words to communicate what I’m feeling, even to myself. “I think I needed truly underwhelming experiences to be certain about everything I’m living now. If those guys hadn’t been so entirely lackluster, I might have considered going home—before Bastien, that is.”

“Why would you go back when you feel so right here?”

I roll my eyes. “It’s stupid but, after spending my life as the runner-up who never gets the prize, there’s something unsettling in accepting this new reality where I’m profoundly loved and seen. If I had any hope of something moderately good in the old world, I might have gone back just because normal is… well,normal. Even when normal is crappy, there’s still a draw to knowing what each day will bring ornotbring.”

I swear I feel Nico’s fur brushing against me and I know Bastien’s joy is inside me. “But here with my monsters, I’m seen, cherished, worshiped even. And Bastien is mine, like really and truly mine. It’s a humbling honor and I’m glad our connection forced me to make the right choice.”

Very gently, Dad says, “And Nico, if you can’t…?”

“I have to get him back,” I blurt too loudly for the space. “He’s dear and warm and loving. His kind only truly loves one being in their entire lives, and I’m not even sure it’s me, but I know he’s already in my heart. I need time with him, for both of us to discover who we are to each other.” I listen to the wheels crushing pebbles beneath us. “I was so bored and disaffected in my life back home and now I just can’t imagine ever reaching the end of every moment I want to embrace and explore. Nico is a vital part of my life. Failure isn’t an option.”

I nibble on my lip for a second before adding, “Could I ask you just one question?”

“You can ask me anything.”

“Were you loved enough in your life? I’m not ready for details or anything, but I never saw you date. There were never women hanging around. I never asked because it’s weird to ask your dad questions like that, but you’re the one who made a list of all my dull ex-boyfriends, which you could do because I told you about most of them, but…” I’m clearly babbling and force myself to stop and let the awkward silence fill the carriage.

My dad stares out the window at the lush scenery and seems to speak to the trees as he quietly answers. “You said Nico’s kind only loves one being in a lifetime. I’m like him. I loved once and I’ll never love again.” When he observes the sorrow that must be shining in my eyes, he quickly says, “I regret nothing, B.Nothing. Love brought you to me. Love touched my life. Everything that came after I accepted because love is the goal of all of this. I know it and that’s how I know you belong here with these monsters who love you so purely.”

A tear escapes and sprints down my cheek. “I knew you would be supportive, but this is more than I hoped for. Just having you here is more than I could have dreamed of. I thought I would have to lose something and I did, but once I get Nico back, I’ll have everything.” I scrunch my nose. “I might need you to charm the queen because I’m feeling super feral and you know how I get.”

He grins, his blue eyes bright. “I do. AndBianca vs. Queenis a fight I’m excited to see. It’s going to be epic.”

Chapter40

Nico

Ithought I’d feel the passage of time. But all I feel is pain. And with pain as the only constant in this place, time is just another thing that’s been stolen from me. Days, months, years, decades,foreversince I held Bianca in my arms. My body still remembers her, the weight of her, the scent of her, the sound of her… she is my only memory.

I know there were others with whom I shared my life. A family. But I can’t see their faces in my mind or remember their names. Only hers. Only Bianca.

The reason she alone exists in the barren wasteland of my mind… I knew the answer to that riddle once, but all knowledge abandons me, like hope.

But wait, I do remember.

Her tear.

My tear.

The collision of our existences.

A connection like no other.

A connection I can feel, even here. I never imagined any bond could reach across the realms, but ours does.

This connection feeds me glimpses of my beloved, powerfully enough that I am certain of things beyond the borders of this hellish purgatory.

I know she’s loved.

I know she’s safe.

Sometimes, when the catastrophe of my reality recedes ever so slightly, I imagine I can hear her calling to me.

“Nico… my Nico… I’m going to get you back. I promise. So just hold on. You’re mine and I’m yours, and nothing and no one can keep us apart.”