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River: Dude!

Becca: Sorry.

River: You said you wouldn’t hook up with anyone tonight. I left you alone for five minutes!

Becca: I know I suck. But Skye can pick you up, right?

River: You do suck. Yes. I’ll call her. Be careful.

Becca: Always am.

River: Ha! I call BS on that.

Becca: I’m the worst best friend ever.

I add a sad face emoji and a heart. River replies with two emojis.

A kissing face and a peach.Kiss my ass.

Laughter bubbles up. And guilt. I promised River I’d stay with her. It weighs on my chest, but nowhere near as much as how I felt before.

I’m so relieved to be leaving the party, I can’t make it out of the house fast enough. I need this. I need to numb the pain. And this beautiful boy next to me is my drug of choice.

He follows me out of the house and down the sidewalk.

“My car is over there.” I point to the ten-year-old Toyota across the street. I shiver. It’s too early in the season to be this cold. Heck, it’s not even fall yet.

Tommy notices. His jacket is off and over my shoulders in seconds.

“Your momma taught you right.” I nudge him with my elbow.

His face drops a little, he smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He shrugs and follows me to the car.

“You okay to drive?”

“Yeah, I didn’t really drink.”

We don’t talk during the few minutes it takes to get to my dorm. Despite the chilly night, the streets are busy.

“Lots of people out tonight.” Tommy watches out the window.

“Yeah, it’s tradition for every Greek house to host a party the first Friday back on campus for the fall semester. They have an unspoken competition for who’s hosting the best back-to-school party. And tomorrow all of them will claim to be the winner. A lot of people party-hop from one place to another. It’s easier to walk than drive for most of them.”

I park in the lot behind my building and hesitate in the car for a second. Do I really want to do this? Tommy looks at me and smiles. A genuine smile this time. It eases me.

“Ready?”

He nods, and we get out of the car. I make a beeline to the door and the heat inside. Tommy trails behind me.

“I’m on the third floor,” I say as we get into the elevator. We’re silent on the way up and as we walk in the hall. The dorm is eerily quiet. I guess everyone is out and partying. My heart skips a beat when I get to my room. He looks so sweet and innocent. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. Do I really want this? Another guy I don’t care about? A temporary fix to my emptiness?

I unlock my door with the keycard and push it open, gesturing for him to go in first. I follow him in, close the door and lean on it with my hands behind my back. Tommy looks around. There’s not much. I haven’t troubled to make the room mine. Why bother? It’s all temporary.

I try to see what he sees. The faded blue walls and windows facing the campus Green. There’s a twin bed tucked against one wall with a gray comforter and an extra blanket on the foot of the bed. A small black and gray area rug takes up most of the free floor space. On the opposite wall there’s a desk, my four-year-old laptop, a lamp. The door to the small closet which holds all my possessions. The only personal touch is a poster of a sunny beach with sugar-white sand in stark contrast with the turquoise water and clear blue sky and the wordsTurks and Caicoswritten in white across the top. I found it in the trash outside a travel agency.

“It's cool you have a single. I'm sharing a dorm room with two guys. They snore so loud I have to wear earplugs to bed every night, which means I don't hear the alarm on my phone. I was late to class twice already, and it's only the first week of school.” His face pinks.

If he notices the bare setup, he doesn’t show it.