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Empty silence greetsme when I get home. I’ve gotten attached to the comforting feeling of coming home and finding Camila curled up on the couch. I head down to my room, finding it empty as well.

“Camila?” I shout into the empty space as I pull out my phone and head back towards the kitchen. No missed calls or messages. I start to call her as I walk up to her old room just to check.

The battle of relief and panic crashes into my chest at the same time when I find her curled up in a ball on the bed with her back facing me.

I set my phone on the dresser and walk around to the other side of the bed. My chest cracks open when I see the skin around her eyes, puffy and red. Careful not to disturb her I sit on the edge of the bed and place a gentle hand on her arm. “Camila,” I whisper, failing to hide the concern in my voice.

“I’m sorry.” She sits up, looking around confused. “I didn't realize what time it was.”

“You don't need to be sorry. What's going on? Are you hurt?” Confusion and panic duel in my brain as I try to figure out what happened and how I can fix it.

“No.” She shakes her head, crossing her arms and hugging her body tightly. “I just—I have—” She's working hard to try and get a breath in and I’m on the verge of exploding. I take a deep breath through my nose and I watch my knuckles turn white where my hand grips the comforter. I slowly let go and bring her hand into mine. “I just,” her inhale is shaky, “I just have a little anxiety today,” she cries out.

Her shoulders fold in and I scoot up, wrapping her in my arms, and rub her back.

”What are you anxious about?” It seems like a stupid fucking question but I’m so far out of my element here, I don’t know what to do or say. I just know I need to fix it for her.

She collapses, shaking, against me. “I don’t know,” she says through her tears. “It’s not something specific, it’s just this uncomfortable feeling inside.”

I pull back to look at her and her face brings a sharp pain to my chest. “Is it because of the flight? Or maybe all the work you've been doing lately?” I’m looking for anything tangible that I can fix for her.

She shakes her head looking down at her lap while wiping away her tears. “No. I don’t know. It’s… it’s hard to explain.” I don’t press anymore. Instead, I kick off my shoes and scoot up to sit against the headboard, trusting that the words will find her. “I’m notanxiousabout something in particular.I just haveanxiety.”She wipes her tears with the back of her sleeve before resting her head on my shoulder. I hold her thigh under my hand and rub soothing strokes with my thumb. “It’s just this feeling that consumes me sometimes. Some things can exacerbate it and make it worse, some things help, but sometimes it’s just this unexplainablefeeling. I'm uncomfortable, irritable, and restless, and sometimes I have a hard time sleeping, but I couldn't tell you why.” Guilt plagues me when I think if this was something I could have spotted sooner. “Eventually, it builds and builds to a point where it becomes too much and the feelings don’t have anywhere to go and I can’t help it, I just cry. I’m sorry I’m doing a terrible job explaining.”

I feel helpless. My heartbeat is a dull thud in my chest. I’ve been nervous before, sure, but never for a reason unbeknownst to me. More than anything I hate that she's apologizing. I sit up to face her, her loose hair sticking to her where tears stain her face.

Pushing her hair back from her face I pull it all up to the top of her head while grabbing the silk band from around her wrist. I stretch it around the mound of hair and it all falls right back down her back again. An appreciative smile forms on her face, and I try again. This time twisting the silk around a few times. “Please don’t apologize, Camila. I wish there was something I could do, I wish I could understand better.” The hair tie is holding her hair, and I wouldn’t say I’ve mastered it but it is out of her face and I can now hold her cheeks with both hands. My thumbs brush lightly where the tears have spilled down her cheeks.

“I don’t fully understand it myself so I can understand why it’s difficult for you.” She sniffs.

“Can I do anything?” I ask helplessly.

She shakes her head, “No, I know it sounds I don’t know, stupid maybe? But sometimes watching a comfort movie or reading a book and getting lost in something else until the time passes helps.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid at all.”

She tries to take a big breath and I can hear it shudder. I press my lips firmly to her forehead as she slumps into the headboard, closing her eyes. “I’m actually kind of tired, it can be exhausting crying multiple times a day. I’ll think I’ll just try to sleep it off.”

I look her over for any sign that tells me she wants my company but her eyes are already closed. I pull her blankets up to cover her and start to head towards the door.

“Miles.”

I pause, turning to her.

“Can you change your clothes and come lay with me?”

It feels selfish to feel relief at this moment but I’m completely overwhelmed with the thought of her feeling safe enough to not only want me to be near her during a moment of struggle but also not be afraid to ask me. Now isn’t the time, so I’ll tuck this win of hers away to be admired later. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

My mind is tryingto pull me from my dream. I’m vaguely aware of a light touch running along my bottom lip. I fight the smile and school my face to remain unphased as I realize Camila’s fingers are tracing a line along my mouth. The soft caress both tickles and excites me. The moment I feel her begin to pull away I part my lips and nip at her fingertip. I don’t need to see her to know she’s smiling. I suck her delicate digits, rolling my tongue around until her breathy exhale kisses my ears. She slowly slides out of my mouth and my eyes finally flutter open, meeting her piercing gaze with my own.

“Good morning.” Her voice is barely more than a whisper.

“Good morning.” I reach under the covers and runmy palm along her warm thigh.

The playful smile on her face eases a tension that has been wrapped around my chest since last night. Camila is good at hiding her feelings—shoving them away so others can’t see them—and I want to make sure she isn’t doing that now.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m still a little embarrassed, but other than that, I feel much better.”