Page 60

“I’ve got some snacks, but if we want anything else, we’ll have to run downstairs. Actually, I’ll run downstairs,” he says, gazing at me. Magnum was extra careful about who was around on the street before we slipped up the entrance to Oscar’s apartment.
A few minutes later, Brawler shows up. We congregate in the living room where Oscar finds a few fight replays on TV that we can all agree on watching without arguing. Mag stays off to the side. He watches us a lot but doesn’t insert himself into the conversation, which makes me sad. Yesterday, I started wondering about the kind of guy Mag was when he was younger. I’m sure he wasn’t always the silent, perfectly-fine-to-be-sitting-in-the-corner-to-watch type.
Oscar, though, takes complete control over the dynamics in the room since it’s his space. He pulls me onto his lap, arms wrapping around me. Brawler’s jaw ticks, but out of the two of them, he’d be less likely to start shit. I don’t know how I feel so at ease, knowing they’re both here, both watching me, both wanting to touch me. I have feelings for them, but it’s not like these relationships are the societal norm. However, even though it isn’t, this just feels natural to me. They just need to get on board with what’s happening and stop trying to make the other guy jealous.
Oscar winds his hand around my stomach and kisses the side of my head.
Brawler’s shoulders stiffen.
Oscar grazes a kiss down the side of my neck.
The vein in Brawler’s temple pops out.
I’m about to tell Oscar to stop when Magnum gets to his feet. “Looks like you need to have a conversation. I’m stepping outside.”
As soon as the door shuts behind him, Brawler gets to his feet. Oscar starts to chuckle like he hasn’t a care in the world. He was trying to get Brawler going, but the warning glare Brawler sends him makes Oscar’s laughter die off. “I didn’t agree to you feeling her up in front of me, dude.” Before Oscar can counter, because that’s what Oscar does, Brawler says, “You wouldn’t go for it either.”
Oscar puts his hands on my hips. “Your boyfriend’s mad,” he teases.
I give him a look over my shoulder and then stand. “Listen.Bothof you,” I say, glaring at each of them so they know I mean business. “I like you both. There’s no reason for jealousy because just as much as I want Oscar’s hands on me, I want yours, too, Brawler. We’ve all lived shitty lives, right? Can’t we just do something that feels good without adding extra pressure to us? Can’t we grab onto something that’s good for us and go with it? Fuck what normal people think. Let’s not be those people. You don’t need to be jealous when I want you, too. And you,” I say, turning to Oscar. “Don’t need to push buttons.”
“It’s what I do,” he says nonchalantly, like he’s bored with this conversation already. He presses his tongue against his teeth. “Does this mean you’re really not going to pick one of us someday?”
My head whiplashes back. “Um, no. I never planned on it. Actually, I didn’t plan on any of this, but now that you ask, no, I’m not choosing. It’s up to you guys whether you want in or not. If you don’t, that’s fine. Just tell me now.”
Oscar looks me up and down, lips losing color as he presses them together.
“I’m in,” Brawler says. “I’ll tone down my possessive side. Okay, I’ll try to tone down my possessive side.”
“Oscar?” I ask, quirking an eyebrow at him.
He swallows and shifts on the cushions under my scrutiny. For a second, my heart freefalls to my stomach because I think he’s going to tell me he can’t do this. “I need you to cough up your secret. About why you’re here. Brawler got what you wanted out of your apartment for you. Right? I’ve been left to sit here wondering what’s happening. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me, but you haven’t.”
I exchange a look with Brawler.
“See!” Oscar explodes. He gets off the couch.
The door to the apartment opens and Magnum sticks his head in, eyeing the situation.
“Jesus Christ,” Oscar curses. “I’m not going to fucking hurt her. That’s the last thing I would do.”
Mag looks at me for confirmation. “It’s okay,” I tell him. Oscar won’t hurt me, but he’s hurt right now. “Brawler?”
He nods. “I’ll go get us some stuff to eat at the store.”
Brawler and Magnum leave the room, and I turn toward Oscar. “I’m so sorry,” I say. “I only told Brawler because he found what was in my apartment. I absolutely did not tell him because I like him more than you.”
The raw truth of how much I hurt him is splayed all over his face though. That’s why he’s been a dick to Magnum. That’s why he was goading Brawler just now. He wants to see where he stands in the pecking order of things, and from what I was giving him, he thought he was last.
“I’ve been fucked around my whole life,” he says, teeth gritting. “I care for you, Kyla, but if you’re going to do that to me, we can end this right now.”
“No,” I say, reaching for him. “I didn’t tell you for any other reason than I wasn’t sure how you would react. Okay?”
“You don’t trust me?” He steps back like I’ve slapped him in the face.
I shake my head. “I do. It’s just…fuck, Oscar, it’s difficult, okay?” I retreat and breathe. It’s not Oscar’s fault he’s feeling like this. I brought it on.
“Women use me,” he says. His jaw ticks, and he’s trying to wrangle in his emotions. “At first it was because I was a quarterback, and then it was because I was in the Crew.”