Page 37

I had thought I might be. Especially the moment Lord Dryhten ripped off my veil. I shuddered. The look in his eyes...

I’d reacted when I struck him. Unthinkingly. Automatically. Apparently I had some fight in me, after all. Some instinct for self-preservation. It was a revelation, and I did not regret striking out at him. My life was not only about forbearance. Just because I was a whipping girl did not mean I washiswhipping girl.

I returned to my chamber, knowing full well that if Lord Dryhten wished me elsewhere, then he would let it be known. He was my husband now. I was his to command. Luckily for me, he had suffered enough of me for the day. Likely he could not stomach the sight of his betrayer.

I was not summoned that evening. It seemed I would have one final night for myself in the only home I had ever known. As night fell, a maid arrived to begin packing my things for the journey. I was leaving. Still. He had not put a stop to it. I would be departing tomorrow. With him. To his home in the north. I digested this slowly. In pieces.

The maid held up items, asking me what I wished to take with me. I responded numbly with nods and shakes of my head and monosyllabic answers.

There was little I could bring with me. No trunks or valises. Wewould travel on horseback. No carriage or carts or retinue of attendants. I would not even be bringing a lady’s maid with me. There would be no such courtesy extended, and I could not help wondering if that would have been the case if I were Alise or Feena and Sybilia. Pointless conjecture, for I was not any of the princesses. I was me. And I would be tossed atop a horse and expected to keep up with a party of warriors. At least I could ride—not that anyone had asked that of me.

The maid rang for a bath. My second one in a day. A rarity, but necessary. I scrubbed my skin raw with soap and a sponge—but to no avail. I still felt him. Still smelled him on me. He filled my nose, and a now familiar heat curled through me, at once softening and tightening my muscles.

Shifting in the tub, the twinge of tenderness between my thighs served only as a further reminder of my recent bedding. Had that only been a short time ago? I felt as though I’d lived a lifetime since then. Certainly my world had changed ten times over... and would continue to do so.

Once out of the tub, I seated myself before the fire. With my hair washed, brushed, and fanned out over my shoulders to dry, I gazed into the flickering flames.

I felt numb and hollow inside, scarcely noticing as the maid silently went about the room, packing the whole of my life into a single rucksack.

My head snapped up at the sudden arrival of the queen and princesses, striding inside my chamber without announcement. Except Alise. She was not with them.

“You’re so very brave.” Feena cupped my face and kissed both of my cheeks.

Sybilia pushed her aside to embrace me so tightly she squeezed the air right out of me. “We’re going to miss you so much.”

At mention of that, Feena snapped, “Mama! We cannot let our Tamsyn go with that wretched Lord Dryhten. She married him... and did her duty.” Her nostrils quivered, as though the notion ofmy sacrifice was most foul to her senses. “She can remain here where she belongs now.”

“She must go with her husband,” the queen countered evenly. “Being a wife goes beyond one night together.”

I swallowed miserably.Being a wife goes beyond one night together.

After the way he had looked at me, I doubted his shadow would ever fall upon my bed again. His expression had been so full of contempt.

Sybilia rolled her eyes. “She is Lady Dryhten now, Feena. Of course she must go with him.”

Lady Dryhten.I winced. I scarcely felt like a wife—vigorous bedding notwithstanding.

Feena leaned forward to hiss in my ear, “Was it so very terrible? Did it hurt?”

I doubted her mother would appreciate my answering that question. These girls had their own marital responsibilities ahead of them. The queen would not want me to fill their heads with alarming ideas.

“Where is Alise?” I asked instead, hoping to see her one more time before I departed on the morrow.

The three of them swapped looks that communicated something indecipherable. At least to me.

“She will be along shortly,” the queen replied blithely.

“She was quite upset,” Sybilia volunteered, darting a wary glance at her mother. “She blames Mama and Papa for—”

“Enough of that, Sybilia,” the queen said, reprimanding her. Looking to me, she repeated firmly, “Don’t worry yourself. She will be along shortly.”

Alise was not along shortly. She was not along later.

The queen and the princesses said their farewells. The maid left me, and, with my hair mostly dry, I settled on my bed to wait for Alise. My hand went to my breastbone, to that area that felt so tight and warm and throbbing since the Beast’s arrival—since he’djoined me in that bed. I rubbed my fingers in a gentle circle there, over the discomfort.

All of me was one giant, pulsing ache. Perhaps that was normal. The way every woman felt following her first time with a man, and it would fade.

I fell asleep like that. Hoping. Waiting. A hand resting on my chest.