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“Good night, Stig.” I pulled my hand free and stepped several paces back from him, chafing my arms, suddenly chilled. My words rang with finality. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow, on my wedding day.

Tomorrow, when Stig would be but a face in the crowd, a spectator, a distant shore left behind as I sailed into my new life.

His jaw hardened beneath the shadow of his close-cropped beard, and I knew he finally understood, finally accepted my fate for what it was. A life without him.

“Good night, Tamsyn,” he said.

But what I heard was good-bye.

Part II

The Wedding

6

Tamsyn

PREPARATIONS FOR MY WEDDING BEGAN AS SOON AS Iawoke the following morning.

It had been a restless night. A long night.

A night of fractured dreams and wide-eyed moments of clawing panic when I gazed into the almost dark contemplating what I was doing, what I wasgoingto do... what Ihadto do.

After Stig left my chamber, I’d sat in that firelit gloom, seeingnothing, seeingeverythingas the fire slowly died in the hearth, ebbing away until the embers turned to smoldering ash. Doubts plagued me as I replayed those moments with Stig, wondering if I had made a terrible mistake, one I would regret for the rest of my life, however much remained of it.

Stig had been it. He was my last chance. His wild offer to run away with me my only hope of escaping this fate. But then I assured myself that I had not made a mistake. I could not abandon my duty and creep away like a thief in the night without even saying farewell to my family, leaving my sisters, deserting them to face and endure what I could not. That was not in me.

I wished the oncoming day away, hoping it would never arrive, willing the dawn into nothingness, for the night to last forever, to hold fast, to hang on, fingers clinging to an edge. Futilely.

Eventually the night let go.

Day came as it always did.

The first glimpse of purpling light, soft and tender as a bruise stealing through the window shutters, was a thing of dread.

As the light grew, so did a rising drum in my chest, beating louder and louder, harder and harder, until I was rubbing between my breasts, urging the sensation to fade.

I did not break my fast in the Great Hall as usual. A tray was delivered, and I forced myself to eat the bread, cheese, and fruit provided. I chewed and ignored that the food tasted like sand on my tongue. I had to eat something. I would need sustenance for the day ahead. The life ahead.

For my wedding night.

The words were a blight, a bleak streak across my mind that brought forth a shudder. I never thought I would have one. A wedding night. A marriage. At least, it hadn’t been a foregone conclusion.

My sisters were the ones destined for arranged marriages... groomed to be wives and queens. Powerful women married to powerful men. I was merely groomed to take punishment. I winced.

So this would not be so very different then.

The queen’s ladies attended me. Beautifully coiffed and fragrant, they bustled around me like bees swarming a hive. I knew them all, of course. These elegant noblewomen were the mothers of the children who had tormented me throughout my youth. Naturally, my peers learned from their mothers that I was different from the rest of them... lesser.

And yet now those same women treated me with deference, plyingmewith mulled wine, the spiced sweetness rolling over my tongue and down my throat. I drank greedily, enjoying how relaxed and soft it made me feel inside, numb to what was coming. And perhaps that was their intention—a kindness they would do unto me by rendering me muddled on my wedding day.

My head lolled on the back lip of the tub, eyelids heavy as I enjoyed their gentle ministrations. They bathed me with fragrant soap and oils. Vanilla and bergamot wafted on the air, mingling with the tendrils of steam floating above the water. A low moan escaped meas Lady Frida, the queen’s cousin and closest friend, scrubbed my shoulders and arms with a sponge. When prodded, I sat up and leaned forward so she could turn her attention to my back.

“You are fortunate your skin bears no evidence of your... er, vocation.”

I tensed slightly, my eyes opening, at once understanding her meaning.