Page 41

I didn’t want to get into the tub, but it was too deep for me to dunk my head like I had been doing in the Shadowlands until Ash noticed I wasn’t using the tub to bathe. Instead of making me feel foolish, he’d understood the trauma and sought to work around it. He’d brought me into his chambers and stood guard in his quarters so I felt comfortable bathing.

That wasn’t the only thing he’d done. My skin briefly warmed at the memory of him climbing into the tub, leathers and all…

But Ash wasn’t here to have my back and help me feel safe.

I had to do it for myself and had a lifetime of practice doing just that. Today would be no different. At least, that was what I told myself.

A tremor started in my legs as I shifted from foot to foot. I needed to get over this. No one would choke me. Hopefully. What would happen was retaliation from Callum if I didn’t bathe.

I was a quick learner—contrary to what my mother believed. It had only taken once with Callum. I disobeyed, and someone died.

I peeked around the screen and gave the chamber beyond the cage a hard scan. I knew no one was there, but I needed the reminder. Once I had it, I hurried behind the screen again and peeled off the bloody gown, wishing I could set fire to it as tiny bumps appeared all over my body. The feeling of hundreds of unseen gazes pressed upon my flesh.

“Stop it,” I hissed. No one was watching me.

That I knew of, anyway.

I rolled my eyes. I really needed to learn how to be more reassuring.

Cursing, I stepped into the warm water. The knot in my chest expanded as I gripped the sides of the tub. Focused on my breathing, I lowered myself until I could sit.

The water reached just below my breasts, and my sore muscles immediately got on board with the whole soaking idea, but I wasted no time. I bathed as quickly as possible, using one of the pitchers filled and left by the tub to cleanse my hair. Only a handful of minutes could’ve passed when I stepped out of the tub and pulled the plug at the bottom that allowed the water to flow down the drain beneath it. Grabbing one of the towels, I dried off as I stepped onto a rug, my toes curling into the soft material. I turned, looking at myself in the mirror.

Wide, green eyes stared back at me, and without the blood splattering my face, the freckles dotting my cheeks and nose stood out in stark contrast.

But something else snagged my attention. I leaned in closer, my mouth parting with a sharp inhale. “What the…?”

A faint silvery glow of eather formed an aura around my pupils.

How long had it been like that?

I hadn’t noticed it the day before. Granted, I’d been distracted by the state of my busted face.

I swallowed, drawing back. Did this mean that despite the ceeren’s sacrifice, I was even closer to my Ascension?

To death.

“Damn it,” I whispered, wrapping the towel around me. There was nothing I could do about it now.

It wasn’t like I was unbothered by the fact that I was close to dying as I left the bathing area of my quarters. Death was as common to me as it was to those Chosen.

I’d spent my entire life accepting that it would find me. That I wouldn’t have a long life, and there was no escape. It had only been that short span of time between when Ash had shared his plans to remove the embers and we’d learned what would happen that I had begun to think of a possible future.

I wasn’t thinking of that now—at least one that involved me.

Once more kneeling at the chests, I took a bit more time searching for something close to what I’d typically wear.

I searched some more.

There was nothing, but I already figured as much. I had just been doing…wishful looking.

Disgusted, I grabbed a white frock. The halter style of the gown left my shoulders and arms completely exposed, and the material was some sort of gossamer and lace fabric. But at least it was loose-fitting at the bust and below the hips.

Weary, I sat on the divan and began working the tangles out of my hair with the comb I’d retrieved from the vanity. The monotony of the act calmed me, allowing me to think more clearly about the idea of, well…everything, including Kolis delaying my Culling.

Kolis may not know the embers could not be removed without my death—something not even Ash had been aware of. After all, Primal embers had never been inside a mortal before.

However, from what I’d been told, not even gods always survived the Culling. And godlings, which I was the closest to, were even more at risk of dying during the process.