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I laughed, a bit loud in the quiet of the room. “Raphael, when would I have ever kissedanyone? Do you think Nelson was the kind to whisper sweet nothings? That any in Greymere were?”

There was nothing human about the growl that left his mouth. He prowled closer. “Did they ever hurt you, Samara? Mark my words, I’ll go back and slaughter them all if you say so.”

“Not like that. Nelson was the worst, but even he never…” I trailed off, not wanting to let him haunt my evening any more. I’d never been assaulted, but it hadn’t been chivalry that kept me safe. “In all ways, I’m ignorant, Raphael.” I paused. “Ignorant… butcurious.”

Feeling braver than I ever had before, I reached my hand out again, crossing the space between us. I ran the back of my hand down his chest. Beneath the fabric, I felt his muscles. Solid. Strong. Would his bare flesh feel the same? Raphael caught my wrist, pinning it against him.

“You can feel my emotions right now, can’t you?” I asked.

His face was strained. “I think you should sleep, Samara. You’re going to be exhausted tomorrow.”

“Then you can,” I said, ignoring his statement. “If you couldn’t, you’d deny it. If you can feel it, you know,” I said with relief. “I don’t need to tell you.” I didn’t need to admit how desperately I wanted Raphael in that moment. How I’d looked at him over and over, wanting, not even letting myself accept how badly I did.

Now here he was, tantalizingly close. The top of his shirt was unbuttoned, showing an expanse of hard muscle. I tilted my head back at Raphael, who stood right in front of the bed.

The desire brewing inside me was as heady a mixture as the ale. “Won’t you give this to me?”

A low sound shuddered through him. “No, dove. Not like this.”

He stepped back and I stood, stumbling into him. He caught me quickly, arms wrapped around me, steadying. I clung to the lapels of his shirt. “Don’t you want me?” I whimpered. Was I so undesirable, that even tossing myself at this male, he wasrepulsed?

“Samara…” His thumb stroked the side of my face. “If you tell me you want something with a clear head, anything in my power, it’s yours. But not tonight. Not when you would wake up hating me more than you already do.” He gently guided me back to the bed. My body protested, but I lacked the words to tell him he was wrong. Maybe because I knew he wasn’t. I wouldn’t find this courage again. It wasn’t even real courage, just borrowed from the intoxicating mix of attention and alcohol. A mix that let me look past the fact the one man I’d ever wondered about like this was the king of vampires. That let me ignore the fact I’d be leaving.

Suddenly, I was annoyed at Raphael. It was bad enough I’d trusted him to drink and now made a fool of myself. But what was my reward for being foolish? Shame, and a heated body that didn’t understand the denial.

“Sleep, little dove. Or you’ll regret it all in the morning.”

I harrumphed, crossing my arms over my chest. Then I rolled farther and farther until I reached the edge. Then I grabbed my pillow and rolled off the bed entirely.

“Samara,” Raphael said.

“I’m not sleeping up there,” I said petulantly.

Raphael leaned over the bed, looking down at me. The sight made me giggle. “Because I’m here?” he asked.

“No.”

Even drunk, I expected mockery. What kind of person couldn’t sleep in a bed? “I can’t sleep in this bed.”

He frowned. “I’ll get you another mattress.”

I shook my head. “I can’t sleep inanybed.”

“You slept in one at the cabin,” he pointed out.

True. It had been another world. With my back wrecked, there’d been no other option. And the cabin was different enough that it hadn’t stirred memories with the same viciousness. But here, the halls, the finery… despite being a world apart, it was all too similar. “I was lying in bed when they came. That night.” The night they’d come for Mother. Raphael’s body went still in my periphery, but I was lost to the memory.

“Traitors,” the guards had snarled when they barged through the chamber doors. The same guards I’d known all my life, who had smiled when I passed by. “Ungrateful whore.”

“I did try,” I added quickly, the words stumbling over each other as they left my mouth. “But I couldn’t sleep. Even in Greymere, I was in the habit of hiding myself somewhere different each night. I can’t sleep if I feel exposed.” In a bed, waiting for anyone to come in and grab me. Tears pricked my eyes, hating my weakness. Obviously, Raphael had known I was weak compared to him, but he had no idea just how pathetic I was. And here I was, telling him.

I braced for the revulsion, the derision.

He lifted up, disappearing from view. Leaving? No. Another pillow dropped to the floor, and he pushed it under the bed.

“Then we won’t sleep on the bed,” he announced.

“W-we?” I stammered.