Page 113
Story: A Bargain So Bloody
“I didn’t feel it, you know,” Raphael continued. “I would have come if I’d felt it, but there wasn’t even a ripple. It’s impressive your shield didn’t slip even when dealingwith such a shock. You’ve been a quick study in learning to secure your emotions.”
He called it impressive, yet neither of us was impressed. For me, it made sense. I’d spent my entire life suppressing my feelings in front of others, and in turn, to myself. And I’d had extra motivation to block out Raphael. Now that I planned to take the grimoire once I finished using his resources to translate it, it was all the more important I hid my true feelings. As exposed as I’d felt with only my towel for modesty, I felt completely exposed at the thought of Raphael feeling my emotions.
“And that’s what bothers you. The fact you couldn’t feel my emotions. Not that an innocent girl was mutilated by one of your citizens.”
Raphael made no denial. “These things happen.Youare my priority, not some random human who signed up as a donor.”
Because in whatever moral compass he followed, the humans didn’t matter. I did. Knowing whether I was upset was of paramount importance. But the fact I was upset one of my kind was killed by one of his meant nothing.
Titus was right.
“Fine,” I snarled, my fingers curling into fists. “You want to know my emotions? Here.”
They unfurled inside me. I hadn’t simply locked them away from Raphael, but myself. Now, I let it all pour out of me. The anger. The disgust. The hatred for the one who had maimed that girl was overwhelming.I despised them all for being complicit. The ones who walked by. The ones who would let whatever vampire feed again. The ones who stole children, the ones who hurled them into ravines for their own gain. The hatred I’d known since childhood, the memories that had tormented me for years—I unleashed them too. Raphael recoiled, just slightly, as each one slammed into him.
The fear I felt walking around the halls of Damerel.
The helplessness when I saw her body.
The unending hatred for vampires.
And then, when they’d all landed true, I shoved my mental walls high, reeling back my errant emotions until they were tucked away in a tidy corner, the same place I put all the inconvenient feelings that got between me and survival.
Raphael looked to the other edge of the room, his gaze distant.
“Well?” I demanded, dissatisfied by the way he just sat there. “Did that please you? Did that voyeuristic look at my inner feelings satisfy your curiosity?”
Raphael didn’t turn to look at me. Instead, with that terrifying, preternatural speed, he simply moved from the bed to the space in front of me in the time it took me to blink.
“I want you to be safe,” he hissed. “I don’t crave your fear out of some perverse desire to make sure you realize exactly how breakable you are, but to be there at your side so no one else doesso.”
I flinched.Breakable. Vampires couldn’t lie. That’s how he saw me.
Most days it was how I saw myself. Weak, breakable, pathetic. It made me scared. Made me cower around those stronger to appease them. Yet somehow, though I was no stronger than any other void, when Raphael said it, I didn’t feel like I was confronted with a truth. I felt like I was presented with an injustice, and it made me furious.
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten how you slipped out without an escort.” His hands were around my biceps, not squeezing, but pressing in enough that I felt caged in. “Do you realize,” he said with deadly calm, “how easily that could have been you? When you decided to sneak out into the dark corners of my city, did you not stop and realize just how monumentallystupidthat was?”
Stupid. Breakable. So much for strong and clever. “Am I safe or am I not?” I retorted. “You tell me no one will touch me. You make these promises that you yourself don’t seem to believe. They mean nothing.”
His red eyes seared me. “Is that what you think?”
No. Yes. I don’t know!I wanted to scream. “How simple the dividing line for you—if a human is worthy of your attention, then all should perish for looking at them. Yet if they live in your kingdom, with you as their ruler, trust you to care for them, they’re fools in your eyes. Veins to be tapped for your real citizens to feast on.”
Raphael scoffed. “Do you think your old king is any better?”
“I daresay he couldn’t be worse. You take what you want, Raphael. You and all the vampires. I understand the hierarchy you’ve set. I’m to be paraded around as your personal meal next week. Amalthea told me—something you didn’t bother to do.”
“Amalthea saidwhat?” Raphael growled.
“The Tri-Lunar Eclipse. She’d seen you at my neck, despite all your promises to never drink from me again.” Raphael’s lips parted as if to protest, but I continued on before he could interject. “Wasn’t this your plan all along?”
“It wasnot,” Raphael growled. “I had another plan.”
“Oh?” I nearly snarled the word. “And was this plan to drink from another human and kill them?”
Raphael flinched as if I’d struck him.
But he didn’t deny it.
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