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I closed my eyes and sighed. “And when it goes after her with three-inch fangs and deadly claws, she’s going to be heartbroken. Not even worrying about her family will keep her from grieving the loss of that kitten’s innocence. Maybe I should get her a real kitten—a normal one.”

Rasmus chuckled and shook his head. “The tiger cat would eat it. Or Conn might.”

“Yes, and those were the things that kept me up at night before ya came along to distract me from worrying about them.” His laughter made me smile. “I’m glad I amuse ya... and I’m not being sarcastic. I truly am glad getting yer memories back didn’t steal yer ability to laugh.”

“Human bodies are made to express emotion. I think as both a guardian and a human and sometimes my conflicting thoughts cancel each other out. We used to change into our human bodies for entertainment purposes. It relieved our boredom and brought stimulation to all our senses.”

“Are ya saying guardian bodies aren’t equipped to feel?”

Rasmus was silent as he drove. Several miles later, he finally answered me. “Guardian bodies channel higher, systemic thinking into direct decisions and actions. Any other use of it causes confusion and anxiety.”

“I see. Does that mean laughter is not allowed for yer kind?”

“Guardians can laugh, but things do not seem funny enough to merit the confusion it causes.”

“What a shame for ya,” I said, secretly glad Rasmus was currently more human than guardian. Orlin had been right that it wouldn’t have worked between us if Rasmus hadn’t made some changes. I smiled at him. “I don’t think I’d survive my life without being able to laugh at the chaos.”

Chapter Nine

Iwas upset to see Ezra sitting in Ben’s chair doing paperwork. It was all I could do not to yell at him for it. The only reason I didn’t was because that wicked fairy would love knowing his continued presence riled me.

“This is yer second troll apprehension in a week, Aran. Doesn’t this work remind ya of old times back when we were a team? It must feel good knowing ya haven’t lost yer touch.”

I nearly rolled my eyes at his fake sentimentality but managed not to. “No, because I have a new team, Ezra. We work differently than the two of us did.”

“And I hear ya have a new man sharing yer bed. I’m happy for ya.”

I ignored his personal comment and looked around for Ben. “Where’s my new boss hiding?”

“Ya’re looking at him,” Ezra said, smiling at me in his wicked way.

Rasmus had gone in search of the troll whisperer to make arrangements for us to receive one of the tiger cats. Ezra wouldn’t have been so flirty if the guardian had been at my side. The fairy may not know what Rasmus truly was, but I was sure Ezra felt his power. It was impossible to miss for anyone with magickal senses.

Strangely, I had no idea where Ben was, which was something I was not used to. I couldn’t sense anything of him in the space. No alarms were going off inside me but I was going to have Conn look into Ben’s absence. Once I would have trusted Ezra with my life but I didn’t trust people as easily these days. I didn’t even fully trust Rasmus who was sharing my bed. I’d learned to be wary of all male thinking and that would probably never change.

Oddly, I trusted Mulan—well, mostly trusted her. Her stubbornness regarding the kitten was throwing me off but I was trying not to be petty about it. She didn’t think twice about pointing out when I was wrong but I preferred to let mistakes reveal themselves over time. It was sort of like waiting for a practical joke to play out or a mean prank to take root.

When the kitten shifted into a full-blown tiger cat, we’d see what happened then.

Pretending Ezra’s presence didn’t make me want to punch him for smirking at my confusion, I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. “What are ya smiling for? Ya’re not the boss of me or mine, fairy, and ya never will be. Where’s Ben? Or should I ask Conn to hold ya upside down until ya tell me?”

“Yer boss had to take a month-long sabbatical to undergo Shadow Breaker testing of his unique talents. And before ya ask, it was all his idea, Aran. It wasn’t mine. Since it suits me not to go back to Ireland at the moment, I volunteered to sit in his chair for a bit.”

My grunt was loud. “That’s not putting me off, either. I know all about Ben’s unique talents. Why would he leave without telling me? He knows how I feel about transparency.”

“My understanding is that Ben’s been waiting a good long while for a chance to get this done. I heard he and his wife are treating his trip to the testing facility like a vacation. They’re in a plane headed to Norway as we speak. The Shadow Breakers are picking up the tab. They count this as necessary testing since he hasn’t stayed in touch with his inner beast.”

I nodded. “If that’s what this is about, everything’s fine. I’m just surprised he left without at least sending me a message. Ben is all about sending me written communication on his phone. He’s worse than my daughter.”

Ezra shrugged. “Ben probably assumed ya wouldn’t have a problem with me handling things in his absence. He told me himself that ya respected me professionally.”

“Yes, but I refused to work directly with my ex-husband or ya. Ben went along with my demands as if he agreed with them. If the man keeps tweaking things behind my back, I’ll declare a breach of contract and wish him luck in finding my replacement. And I’ll be taking three other agents with me because I’m the one who signed Ben’s bloody contract for five years. Rasmus has his own agreement but is currently my trainee. The other two members of my team work directly for me.”

Ezra held up a hand. “Calm down, woman. I don’t know what in Goddess Danu’s name yer ex did to make ya hate men forever, but I thought the two of us parted on good terms. Outside of bedding other women, I never said or did anything to harm ya that I can recall. We were partners. I wouldn’t have betrayed that way.”

I blew out a breath. “Right... we did part as friends, Ezra, but I can’t say the same for my ex. After I got out of prison, Jack Derringer admitted he only married me to gain control of how I used my powers. He imprisoned me for seven years and used our daughter to blackmail me into staying put. And then after I got out, he let military scientists turn him into a monster so he could become powerful enough to kill me once and for all. He’s not just my ex-husband, Ezra. Jack is my enemy. I’m letting him live for Fiona’s sake and no other reason. I want to stab him with my sword every time I look at him.”

Ezra nodded. “Ben told me he was hoping to get ya to soften yer attitude toward yer former man, but he didn’t fill me in on how bad he’d treated ya. Do ya still see yer child’s father as yer enemy even though he recently helped save yer life?”