Page 16 of You Had Me At Pumpkin Patch
‘So, let me get this right. You’re going to fix your problems of denial... with a bit more denial?’ asked Vix, her voice sounding sceptical through the phone’s tiny speaker.
Rosie had just fully charged her mobile and walked for miles to find a half-decent signal.
For this. The fact that she was back at the spot where she’d parked her broken-down car, which she still hadn’t arranged to be towed, was not another sign of denial.
Life admin was just boring. And if she sat on a bench with her back to the car, she barely had to think about it.
She’d been putting off making contact with the outside world, though after yesterday’s doomed planning meeting with Agnes, she’d been so looking forward to chatting through her struggles with her best friend.
Vix was usually the voice of reason, but now Rosie had filled her in on everything, she almost wished she hadn’t.
‘Rosie, I’m worried about you,’ her friend said gently. ‘Could the reason that your life keeps going off track be because you put your blinkers on and ignore the inconvenient stuff?’
‘No.’ Rosie tried not to bristle, because she knew her friend always meant well.
‘You’re telling me you caught Cassius googling bot sex, but you smiled and carried on eating your cornflakes?’
‘I didn’t smile, exactly.’
‘And let’s not start on the guy who filled your bed with knicker-stuffed dingoes, because I could have flown over and throttled him with a thong for that. And the bloke you swore wasn’t impersonating a lollipop lady, even though he literally kept the sign in your wardrobe.’
‘Hmm.’ Rosie shifted on the wooden bench, which wasn’t the most comfortable.
She begrudgingly wondered whether her dearly departed fiancé James ought to be added to the growing list of cockups.
Well, he hadn’t exactly been her fiancé at the time he’d died, because he’d split up with her about a month before, and he’d never exactly given her an engagement ring.
But he’d often dumped her and then changed his mind. He’d been fickle like that.
‘Look, lovely,’ said Vix. ‘I don’t mean to panic you, I just hope you’re not hiding from real life.
It’s natural that you want to take time out.
But not letting people know where you are, when they may be worrying?
And masquerading as a wild-swimming, pumpkin-retreat-organising super-guru?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone else, Rose. You’re bloody magnificent as you are.’
Rosie made a non-committal sound. ‘I’m not hiding, I’m just.
.. finding myself. Taking a moment to work out who I really am away from the noise of town life, and the AI and robots who were threatening to take over my existence.
’ She knew that was melodramatic, but she’d been loving not spending her days logged in to anything or arguing with a voice-activated pest called Serena.
‘So what are you going to do about Zain and his pumpkins?’ Vix asked. ‘Because you can’t keep avoiding them. Or him.’
Rosie let the thought settle. ‘Damn it, you’re right.
’ Perhaps she did sometimes side-step the tricky issues.
And if she was going to make some new, improved pumpkin retreat plans, she at least needed to get an eyeful of Zain’s big ones.
No more denial or beating around the stupid bush. ‘I’m going to get my hands on them.’
Rosie felt her spirits lift. Yes, there would still be subterfuge, because Zain could not catch her getting her hands on his speciality crops. But you couldn’t make a retreat-worthy pumpkin face pack without breaking a few pumpkins, and in fairness, Zain had plenty .
Vix giggled. ‘Do I detect a certain something in your voice when you mention him?’
Rosie’s forehead creased. ‘Rage?’ She joined her friend in laughing.
‘Don’t worry. After my various dating disasters, I’ve concluded that I’m probably immune to love.
’ The only tears she’d shed for Cassius had been humiliated ones, and this thing with James and the orange letters should have hurt a whole lot more.
‘Though being out here in this beautiful place has made me better at writing about it.’
‘Glad those birds and bees are inspiring you.’ Rosie could almost hear her friend winking. ‘And take care on those clandestine missions.’
Rosie was still nervous about all the secrets she was juggling, not to mention that the real interviewee for the retreat role might show up at any time, or Farmer Wilbur could arrive in his tractor and out her as a fraud.
But she had a strong feeling that this new creative challenge was worth the jeopardy.
As they said their goodbyes, Rosie found herself agreeing to check in with the Featherstones. Her mum and half-sister were sometimes frustrating, but they were good people, below their layers of showing off.
Rosie stood up from the bench, took a deep breath and opened their group chat.
She hadn’t missed the constant pinging or her phone’s insistence on letting her know what a phenomenal job everyone else was making of their lives.
She hadn’t realised how demoralising that had become until she’d had chance to unplug.
She ignored the tens of unread messages from Cassius. At some point she’d have to arrange getting the rest of her things – but it was only stuff. Half of her clothes had probably never suited her, and she was doing just fine without a multitude of unnecessary face creams.
Instead, she braved the unread chat with her sister and mum.
Mum:
Where are you?
Flick:
Why is Cassius forwarding your mail here? Did you dump him? What’s this letter in the orange envelope? It reeks of cheap perfume.
Mum:
Sweetheart, are you all right? Please get in touch. Your father is in a tizzy.
Flick:
Like you even know who her dad is!
Mum:
Don’t be so crude, Felicity.
Flick:
Anyway, glad you dumped Cassius. He was so weird. Let us know you’re OK though. Ooh, the Devonshires are holding an epic party next week. We could snag you a new boyf. Come along and we’ll flood your Insta with pics of you and ALL the hot guys. That will piss off nerd boy. You did dump him, right?
Rosie sighed. This was precisely why she’d been putting off getting in touch with her family and why she hadn’t wanted to go back and stay with them.
A million questions, a handful of jokes at her expense and the expectation of putting on a fake smile to be seen at a bunch of parties.
Her sister and mother loved all of that – but Rosie hated it.
She always felt like the less shiny one, and after two glasses of fizz, she was usually desperate to go home and read a book.
And another orange letter? She let out a tense breath. She would face it at some point. Though it would be filled with more uncomfortable words and requests for the contents of the box .
Rosie bounced a few thoughts around in her head before typing a response to her mum and sister.
Rosie:
Yes, I’ve split up with Cassius. All fine. Just staying in the countryside for a bit. Thank you for the party invite, but things are quite busy here. Sending love.
She could see the message had been opened almost instantly and that her sister was typing a response. Flick did live on her phone and thrived on the constant stream of notifications as though that was her air.
Flick:
Did he cheat on you? I’ll brain him. Not that there’s another human on earth who would agree to do the funky monkey with that geek. No offence.
Mum:
I did say you could do far better. Don’t worry, sweetie boo. We’ll find you someone. Who are you staying with? You’re always very welcome here. Your father would love someone to play backgammon with.
Rosie laughed. Neither she nor her stepdad had a clue how to play backgammon. They’d once realised that if they got the board out, Farrah and Flick would grumble, call them boring, and leave them alone.
Flick:
OMG, tell us where you are! Somewhere swanky? Can we visit? Send pics!!!
Rosie could just imagine those two turning up with an army of Louis Vuitton suitcases, lodging a formal complaint about the compost toilets and demanding Martinis by the lake.
Her chest tightened. That could not happen.
She should turn off her phone quickly, in case they were trying to track her down to the nearest phone tower.
Rosie:
I’m signing off now, but I’m absolutely fine, I promise. I’ll check in with you again soon. Happy partying. Xx
Now she’d bitten the bullet and spoken to her family, Rosie made a call to the breakdown people to tow Doll back to her parents’ house, before the poor thing got clamped or confiscated. There. This was a day for progress, after all.
That being sorted, it was time to tackle the next phase of her important pumpkin missions.