Page 103 of Yes & I Love You (Say Everything 1)

Mary Leigh: Okay. But somewhere in between the two extremes are a lot of other possibilities. For instance, another is that he doesn’t feel the same way, doesn’t embarrass you about it, and you part friends. Then you can have a clear head to decide if Cal is someone you want a romantic relationship with or not. You can get the distraction of Jasper off the path and really evaluate the decision and your feelings about Cal.

Hollyn rubbed her forehead.Couldshe tell Jasper? Like actually speak those feelings out loud? The thought sent a wash of clammy anxiety through her. But Mary Leigh was right on one thing. He was a big distraction right now. She couldn’t even begin to pick apart her feelings about Cal because she had this bright, beautiful man distracting her at every turn.

Hollyn: Maybe I can talk to him. I’ll think about it.

Mary Leigh: This is about fear. Fear is there to protect us, but fear is also what gets us stuck. You have been so brave this year. I’m so impressed with your progress. But with this, you’re still afraid that you are the outcast little girl who no one wants to play with. You can’t imagine that someone like Jasper would ever consider you a worthy partner. But that little girl is a part of your history. You can thank her for trying to protect you, but she is not you anymore. You have a lot to offer the world and a partner. If Jasper can’t be in a committed relationship, that’s his issue, not yours. Don’t own other people’s hang-ups. But also don’t decide their answers for them before you ask. Maybe he’s scared too and waiting for you to be the one to say something first.

Hollyn read the words quickly and then went back and read them again more slowly. Tears burned the corners of her eyes at the thought of that little-girl version of herself trying to protect her, putting her hands up and stopping anyone from getting too close, from looking too hard. She didn’t want to stand behind that little girl anymore. She had been taking steps out into the sunlight for the last year, baby step by baby step.

She wasn’t all the way there, but she’d come so far. She was a grown woman, living in the city, working hard at her job. She was tackling her worst fears to get a promotion. She was a woman who had asked Jasper for what she wanted and had boldly started a relationship with him. When he looked at her, she didn’t know if he had feelings, but she knew that he liked her. She knew he was attracted to her. She wasn’t a pity project for him. She needed to stop thinking of herself as a charity case. She lifted her phone again.

Hollyn: I’m going to talk to him.

The words appeared on the screen, and a jolt of fear went through her, but she swallowed it down. She had to trust herself, that she could handle whatever the outcome was.

Mary Leigh: Good. I’m here if you need me.

Hollyn: Any last-minute advice?

Mary Leigh: Be honest. Don’t play games. And maybe have a shot of something strong before you have the convo.

Hollyn: LOL. Mary Leigh!

Mary Leigh: :) Kidding on the last part. I know you can do this stone-cold sober. You’ve faced a lot worse. At the end of the day, he’s just a man. A person. Just like you. He may let you down. He also may surprise you. But you won’t know unless you give him a chance to hear how you feel.

Hollyn ended the session and tossed her phone onto the coffee table. So this was happening. She was going to break her word, put herself out there, and tell Jasper how she felt about him.

Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.

She reached for her phone again and scrolled. After an inner pep talk, she let her thumbs fly over the keyboard.

Hollyn: So how exactly do girls’ nights work?

It took only a minute for the response.

Andi: OMG ARE WE HAVING A GIRLS’ NIGHT???

Hollyn laughed.

Hollyn: I have boy angst and I don’t want to think about it tonight. I’m assuming this is the proper solution.

Andi: *GIF of Rachel fromFriendsjumping up and down in excitement* YASSSS. Here for it. I have about half an hour worth of editing left on this podcast and then it’s on. Are we having girls’ night in or girls’ night out?

Hollyn: I haven’t left the house in 2 days.

Andi: GURL. Queso and margaritas it is. Text me ur address. Pick u up by seven.

Hollyn forwarded her address and smiled. She may completely blow things with Jasper. She may embarrass the hell out of herself. But at least she’d madesomeprogress. If everything melted down, she’d at least have someone to call for chips and queso.

That was something.

A big something.

She bit her lip and scrolled to a different number.

Hollyn: Hey, have any Saturday plans?

Her phone went dark after no response came, but as soon as she shifted to put it down, the screen lit.