Page 37

Elena

I woke to silence—a kind that was too loud, too suffocating, and too empty. The cold surrounded me, but nothing compared to the ice inside my chest.

I turned over, my heart already pounding, my stomach twisting violently?—

And then I saw it.

Troy was gone. His bag was gone. I knew this meant more than him trying to scout.

A choked sob ripped from my throat before I could stop it, my body lurching up as my breath came in sharp, panicked bursts.

I felt like I was free-falling, spiraling, unraveling all over again. It was like the ground had just vanished beneath me, leaving me to plummet straight into nothingness that our lives had become.

My gaze landed on Adrian.

He was sitting by the window, his back to me, his arms crossed, his gaze locked on the wilderness outside.

He didn’t turn immediately. Didn’t say a damn word to me. It was almost like old times again. But I felt it. The way his body tensed at my sob, the way his shoulders curled inward slightly like he was preparing for the worst. Like he already knew what was coming .

When he finally looked at me, his green eyes were shadowed, and for a brief, fleeting second, I saw the same grief I felt buried deep inside them.

But it wasn’t enough. Not anymore. They lied to me. They betrayed me. And now Troy was gone.

Everything I had left, everything I thought was real, was gone.

I let out another sob and collapsed onto the raft, my arms wrapping around myself, my breathing in sharp, uneven gasps.

I wanted to disappear. I wanted to vanish into the snow like I never existed. I wanted to die.

Adrian moved toward me slowly, cautiously, like I was a wounded animal that might lash out if he got too close.

Smart.

Because I would.

He didn’t touch me. Didn’t try to hold me.

I was too shattered, too furious, and too disgusted to let him touch me. I gagged as another sob sounded out.

Adrian winced but still didn’t try to touch me.

The fire crackled beside us, filling the aching silence as I went quiet.

“I love you,” he murmured, voice hoarse. “And we had no choice. We couldn't lose you."

His words sent a wave of hot rage through me, and suddenly, I wasn’t crying anymore. I was boiling mad. I sat up abruptly, my breath ragged, my hands shaking as I clenched them into fists.

I turned my head, my voice like acid.

“There’s always a goddamn choice, Adrian.”

His jaw tensed, his eyes clouded with exhaustion and hurt, and his lips parted slightly before pressing into a thin line.

I didn’t let him speak. I didn’t want his bullshit excuses or his soft apologies. I wanted the truth. Or at least, I wanted to hear him say the worst parts out loud.

“You keep saying this was survival,” I spat, my voice trembling. “But this ? This isn’t survival, Adrian.” I let out a sharp, bitter laugh. “This is your selfishness again. You didn't want to lose me, but what about what I wanted? This is hell, and I’ve been sentenced to it with the two demons who spent their whole lives trying to hurt me for shit I couldn’t do anything about.”

He opened his mouth, his eyes widening at my words. He closed his mouth a moment later and didn’t interrupt me.

So I kept going. I was done holding it in. I let every ounce of pain, every injustice, every scar they had left on me spill out in ragged, unfiltered words.

“From the moment I entered your life, you hated me,” I said, my voice cracking. “You ignored me. You made me feel like I didn’t belong. Like I didn’t deserve the family I wanted so badly. T-The brothers I wanted so badly.”

Adrian visibly swallowed, his hands shaking.

“You both spent years making me feel like I was nothing. And now you expect me to accept this? To sit here and act like this is OK? It’s not OK, Adrian! It’s fucking not.” I let out a broken sob, my chest heaving, my nails digging into my arms. “Dean was our family. He was a friend. He didn’t deserve this. You knew I’d have rather died than partake in your fucking human smorgasbord !”

I shook my head, biting out the final blow. “This was just one final way to hurt me. Congratulations. You fucking win. I give up. I want to fucking die. Let me this time."

Adrian flinched at my words. For the first time, I saw his mask break completely.

His face twisted in pain, in guilt, in something raw and deeply conflicted. Something completely broken.

I didn’t care. I didn’t want his pain. I only wanted him to feel mine. To feel what he’d done to me over the years with Troy. I was angry. They’d taken my choice from me. I understood they were trying to save me, but they knew I didn’t want this. If we survived this, it would be a horror we’d be saddled with until we took our dying breaths. I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t. I was a lot of damn things, but I wasn’t strong enough to bear this cross.

I collapsed back onto the raft, curling into a ball, my shoulders rising and falling with the deep sobs that kept coming.

I hated myself for saying what I’d said. I hated the way his breath hitched, for the way his hands trembled, for the way he looked at me like I had just ripped his heart out.

Part of me knew it wasn’t true. Part of me knew they had tried to save me, not hurt me. The anger I felt was easier than the cold, hard truth, though.

Despite it all, I couldn’t bear to lose them. Nothing had changed in that aspect, but maybe it needed to.

“You’re wrong,” Adrian’s voice was quiet.

I squeezed my eyelids closed, willing myself to ignore him, but his voice cut through my barriers.

“We love you, Elena,” he murmured, his voice laced with emotion. “And we want a future with you.”

I laughed bitterly, my hands fisting the blankets.

“I don’t want a future with you,” I whispered, the words sending a shockwave of pain through my chest.

I turned my head, locking eyes with him, letting him see how fucking broken I was, how hurt.

“I don’t want anything from you, Adrian.” I exhaled, voice trembling, “Unless it’s death.”

His entire body tensed, his eyes widening in shock and pain.

“You might just get that wish if Troy doesn’t come home.” His voice was quiet and filled with an endless emptiness. My stomach churned.

When I turned to look at him, his face was pale, his expression hollow, as if he had already accepted the end.

“What?” I whispered.

Adrian slowly exhaled, his voice barely a whisper.

“He’s gone to find help,” he admitted. “If he doesn’t return in a week, I promised him we’d…we’d end it.”

I sucked in a sharp breath, my body shaking harder.

I wanted to hate him. I wanted to drown him in my anger. But all I felt was fear. Pain. Terrible loss.

Adrian reached for me, his hands hesitant, his expression pleading, but I shoved him away, the tears starting again.

“Don’t touch me. I’m not yours to touch.”

He flinched but didn’t try again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I only wanted to save you, Elena. It’s what we both wanted. To make things right.”

Slowly, he rose to his feet and returned to sitting at the window, his body tense.

I lay there, curled up, drowning in my grief, anger, disgust, and everything else thrown in that I didn’t know how to untangle and survive.

And for the first time since the crash, I wished it had killed me.