Page 18

18

Jax

W hy the fuck had I decided to have this conversation in the office?

It wasn’t workplace appropriate, obviously.

Maybe I was just trying to regain some degree of professionalism. Or maybe I thought it’d be easier to explain things to him without the impulse to shove him down and cover his body with mine—to distract ourselves with lips and hands until none of my concerns mattered anymore.

I should’ve known better, because after messaging Dakota to come to my office, all I could think about was how he’d sucked me off in his.

But mine was neutral, unsexy ground, right? Nobody thought big imposing desks were hot. Nobody had ever imagined sweeping everything off one to bend someone over the top of it.

I hadn’t jacked Dakota off in this very chair.

And I certainly wasn’t thinking about that when Dakota knocked softly at my open door and came inside.

“Shut the door,” I requested.

He lifted one black brow at me, his cheeks turning subtly pink. When his heart rate sped, the scent of him spread through my office. I couldn’t stop myself from drawing in a slow, deep breath. My shoulders raised with it, stretching the shirt I wore, tugging at the stiffer fabric of the vest I’d put over it, straining the buttons.

I didn’t want to let that breath go. Didn’t want to let Dakota go either.

But he needed the truth, as much as I could give him. If I wasn’t going to send him away, he had to make this decision in full awareness of the risk—an equal partner.

I couldn’t protect him from me, but I could give him reason enough to protect himself.

I waved to the chair across from my desk. Distance was good. “Did you see Prudence today?”

As much affection as I had for Prudence, she was not someone I dared to think of naked. No naked thoughts.

None.

A smile bloomed on Dakota’s face, open and pleasant and so relaxed. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him this relaxed before.

Well, not outside of those moments in my bed, when he settled against my side, tucked into the crook beneath my arm with a belly full of pizza.

So much for keeping my thoughts office appropriate.

“Yeah,” he said. “Plus no floating staplers in days.”

I couldn’t help returning his smile. “I honestly can’t imagine how hard it’s been, having to learn all this so fast. Good work. I’m proud of you.”

For the briefest moment, Dakota shrank into his seat, but when I held his eye, he shifted. Sat a little taller. I watched as confidence wrapped around him like a wool coat, keeping him safe and warm. His chin tipped up, and even when the color in his cheeks deepened, his voice didn’t waver. “Thanks. And thanks for connecting me with her. She’s helping a ton.”

“Of course.” It was so much less than he deserved.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about? Just... checking in on magic stuff?”

I sighed, dropping my gaze to my hands folded on my desk. For the moment, at least, they were well behaved.

“No. I wanted to talk about us.”

“Us?” The hopeful note in his voice pulled at my vocal cords. Stole my own voice while I could only nod at him.

“Yes. You’re still... interested in continuing”—I waved my hand between us—“this?”

Dakota’s laugh escaped in a single snort. “Yeah. Yes. Definitely. And, ah, you are?”

Already, my wolf was prancing around like we’d won something and weren’t damning Dakota with our selfishness. “I do, but there’s—before we continue, I need to tell you something.”

Dakota edged toward the front of his chair, eager and attentive and, fuck. If he weren’t a mage, everything about him would be just perfect.

A perfect mate. A partner who was honest and steadfast, keen and curious.

My wolf wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anyone, and that alone was a punch to the gut.

We weren’t safe .

“I’ve been upfront with you about the risks of our relationship damaging your reputation in your own community, but I’ve been—” I trailed off, grimacing. My wolf was whining in my skull, trapped there. He didn’t want me admitting to any wrongdoing or putting Dakota off the idea of being around us.

He was ours —ours to protect and keep and feed. We’d bring him back to our den and?—

And be honest with him. About everything.

I was putting my foot down. I might be alpha of my pack, and that meant having to make decisions that affected everyone without always asking permission or informing them of my way of thinking, but I’d seen firsthand what happened when an alpha presumed themselves to be without fault. I wasn’t always right.

Fuck, I wasn’t sure I even got in the ballpark of “right” half the time.

But if I was going to keep this going—and clearly I was, if I wouldn’t even humor the idea of paying off the rest of Dakota’s contract and sending him away—I had to be honest.

Completely honest.

Dakota deserved to know what he was getting himself into with me. He deserved to know what he risked each time he fell into my bed.

“I’ve been hesitant to admit that I’m a liability to you as well,” I admitted. I didn’t like it; hated the idea of hurting him.

Dakota’s nose flared and he seemed just on the edge of rolling his eyes at me. Instead, he wrinkled his nose, and my chest clenched at the sight of his chagrinned smile. “You’ve actually been pretty adamant about this being a bad idea.”

I shook my head. “That’s not what I mean.”

For one last, delusional second, I told myself that I could just keep this to myself. I’d leave him in the dark, because I’d never hurt Dakota, and he’d never know what it cost me.

Maybe that was how it should’ve been, but?—

Well, fuck.

We were whole-truthing it. If there were a chance in hell of me looking at Dakota as anything like a mate, he deserved nothing less.

“Werewolf bites,” I said, “they’re toxic for mages. We can turn humans, once in a while, but with mages? It causes some kind of reaction. I can’t say I understand it.” Truth was, I’d never looked into it. I couldn’t have imagined getting myself into a mess like this, much less finding a mage I was willing to risk trouble for.

Or, hell, a mage I would shove down my instincts for.

“The way your magic works... Most mages who are bitten by a werewolf lose their magic.” A magic that was new to Dakota, sure. Maybe he wasn’t that attached yet, but there was more than just power at risk here. “It’s not just that you could lose your magic. A werewolf’s bite could be terminal for a mage.”

Dakota’s brow furrowed. “So then don’t bite me.”

I stared at him, a laugh bubbling toward my lips that I barely managed to bite back.

As if my wolf hadn’t already decided he was ours to claim and bite and mark. As if it didn’t howl desperately each time that we were reminded that he wasn’t ours and couldn’t be.

We didn’t have a future, and it ached more than I could’ve prepared for to admit that, even to myself.

Dakota? He didn’t seem to understand.

“I trust you. I mean, I know you’ve sneaked in a nibble or two, but that feels nice, and I trust you. You’re not going to hurt me.” He smiled with full confidence, his dark eyes gleaming.

My howl sang through my bones, even as I swallowed it down.

My own smile must’ve wavered, and a line appeared between Dakota’s brows.

But before he could press for more, the phone on my desk screamed shrilly.

It was from the reception desk.

Before I could even ask if Dakota minded me picking up, he nodded. “It’s fine.”

My stomach rolled as I picked up the receiver.

“Sir, Igarashi Minori is downstairs. There’s no appointment on your calendar, but she’s?—”

I could hear the strain in the receptionist’s voice. Igarashi Minori was my future business partner. She was allowed to show up unannounced.

“Send her up.”

“Yes, sir.”

When I hung up the phone, Dakota was staring at me curiously. “Everything okay?”

“Igarashi Minori’s here. The Igarashi second-in-command.” A prickle of anxiety crawled up the back of my neck. I didn’t know what she wanted, or why she’d show up without the rest of her team, but most of all, I wasn’t sure I was capable of figuring that out without help.

“Do you want me to stay?”

A wave of relief washed over me at Dakota’s question. I might not be capable of handling her, but I didn’t have the slightest doubt that he was.

“Please.”

The only problem was that I meant it for more than just one meeting. I wanted him to stay, and if I let him, it meant risking his very life.