Page 82 of WitchBorn
“Can a wolf be taught to be human?”
Oberon met my gaze, his own too aware. “How often have you let the wolf have control?”
“Don’t say that anywhere near the pack. You know I’m not a regular wolf.”
“And Felix won’t be either. We can teach him.”
My wolf wasn’t great at being human. It mimicked, and often I worried the lack of empathy he showed was because I gave him few examples. But my soul had three pieces, most wolves only had two. And none before now had ever had to suppress a beast made to thrive in the dark. “He’s a baby. How will I teach him to hold back the monster?”
“You weren’t a monster until your mother died,” Oberon reminded me. “You could change, but the darkness didn’t settle. Isn’t that what you told me?”
But that wasn’t what I saw in Felix’s face. He wasn’t the glorious dragon of my mother’s lineage, rather he was touched by what ate my sire, and fought me for constant control. It was as though he’d taken the darkness I’d been drawing from the broken wolves. How was that possible?
“Fate is punishing me,” I said, sinking into a chair on Oberon’s porch and refusing to go inside and put another barrier between Cassa and me. Female werewolves never had children, the change made it too hard on their bodies. If Cassa had been a human untouched by the wolf taint in her blood, she might have had a child without me suppressing her wolf, but her omega would have lay dormant. “Or because I took Cassa as mine when she has a mate out there somewhere.”
“I think that was her choice.”
“If I’d turned her away?”
“How long do you expect your human heart to live without love?”
“I’ve lasted this long.”
He sighed. “Xander…”
I knew he understood my loneliness like few other. His handful of chosen mates over the years lost as much as mine had been. But Oberon had always been more human than I. I wasotherand without guidance, struggled to rein in the nightmare. How could I teach a baby control if I couldn’t leash it myself?
Fifty-Four
FINN
That the memory flashed forward to me in wolf form watching Felix as a toddler play at Cassa’s feet, meant the bad part was yet to come. I swallowed and wished for Wesley at my side, but only felt the barest hint of him through the layers of numbing cold that made me shiver. This dream layered over me while I lay staring up at the statue without the ability to move my head, a faded remembrance rather than the detailed replay. Strange.
The feeling of the omega strength saturating the area where Felix played calmed us both, though I sat near a tree, still not allowed to get close. Cassa had cast me from her bed and her heart despite my endless promises to care for our broken child. Two years and the amount of omega strength she had to use to keep him subdued made my jaw clench. His wolf’s hold was weak and fragile, but he was young.
Cassa promised over and over she’d take care of him, keep him in control. She researched endlessly, called elder pack members, witches, and any paranormal being we’d ever encountered for answers. Most were as stumped as she was. Whatever I was, which had partially passed to Felix, was a monster beyond anything of record.
I watched them play at the edge of the stream, Marina always close to help Cassa.
“He’s growing so fast,” Marina told me.
I nodded, though feared his wolf wouldn’t gather strength fast enough to control the darkness. How Cassa kept Marina from seeing his monster was a mystery to me. But Oberon remained near to keep mine in check.
Cassa’s gaze found me, accusation still in her eyes though I’d done nothing.
I sighed and got up, nodding at them before shifting to my human form and heading back to the main pack house to deal with whatever chaos the wolves brought me today. A hundred times I thought to leave and let Oberon care for the broken wolves, only the second I did, their darkness began to return. He could hold it back for a time, but he would have to destroy them eventually, and maybe it was my fault for letting them live and soak up more pain.
It didn’t seem to be a guarantee of age in a wolf, as Oberon was untouched and a handful of other wolves remained mentally sound. Not proximity either as a few dominants lived among my pack with no glimpse of the beast taking them over. Why did the madness touch some and not others?
“I think we should shift the pack around. Move some of the broken ones to stable alphas,” Oberon said as he followed. “It will ease the burden on you.”
“But we don’t know why it affects them or if it will spread to the other packs.” Sometimes it did, causing an entire pack to go feral, which meant I had to destroy them all. “Could you wish possible destruction on any pack?”
“I trust a handful of alphas to take care of their people,” Oberon said. “One wolf is not a heavy burden, even if it’s broken. Leave it to the alpha to decide if they are too far gone. Why must it always weigh on your heart?”
The human heart was far too fragile. My wolf complained about it all the time. The beast could overwhelm it easily and I’d let myself fall into the control of the other just to ease the ache. “It should be me, shouldn’t it? I’m the monster.”
Oberon sighed. “Only by choice, my friend.”