Page 74 of Winter's End

SHANE

“We should probably talk about last night.”

I quirked an eyebrow at Winter, surprised at her unusual willingness to talk about shit.

“You used him, Quick. You used him and used me to avoid your feelings.”

Heat flushed the back of my neck.

“I didn’t use him, Snow. I escaped into his hot body for an hour, so that I wouldn’t have to feel the pain in my heart. I escaped into yours for comfort. But I didn’t use him.”

I shook my head vehemently. “I-I think I love him.”

Her expression immediately softened at the admission that had put a boulder-sized lump in my throat to say the words out loud.

I loved with abandon—not recklessly, at least, I didn’t see it that way—but to give my heart willingly to my two best friends… Well, to say it hadn’t already happened would be an outright lie.

I loved Drew. I’d known it for a while now, even if I couldn’t say the words.

And I loved Snow. And the pseudo threesome we’d had gave me some degree of hope they’d love me back. Or, more specifically, she could love me back like that.

Fully, completely. A completeness we’d never shared.

“IknowI love him,” I corrected, liberated by those three words.

I took a deep breath, saying a silent prayer I hadn’t misread our sexual chemistry last night, and said the other words written on my heart.

“There’s something going on between us, too, Snow. Can’t you feel it? I just… You complete me down to my core, and I can’t help believing we could be … more.”

My insides twisted as the many emotions flashed across her face like the characters in the opening credits to a Marvel movie.

“Quick, I”—she swallowed roughly and shut her eyes so tightly I thought her eyeballs might pop. “I don’t know.”

That moment had been on repeat in my mind for two weeks, drilling every word into my brain like a Hell Diver from Mars.

It ran through my mind now, as I paced the floor of my father’s office, ready to tear out my fucking hair.

I was trying to distract myself from the anger, the betrayal, and the outright disgust that had boiled the blood in my veins when I had read those damn letters.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. The anger was eating me up inside, chewing me into micro-pieces of fish food and then spitting out the ragged bits on repeat.

I hadn’t showered in days. I didn’t smell like ass, but the sheen of grease that coated my skin was getting gross, even for me. Despite that knowledge, I couldn’t bring myself to get clean. It was too much effort, and I was just too. Damn. Tired.

I’d brushed my teeth at least.

I’d barely slept, and my eyeballs were raw and gritty. Anxious energy buzzed in my veins from my frontal lobe to my toenails. I was in a bit of a manic state, and I knew it, but there was no going back now.

The Spartans were going against the Persians. Unlike in the battle in300, I didn’t know who was the winner here.

I had worked a few days at WAQ since my final exam and avoided Dad and Darren as much as possible, as if my secret spy activities were written all over my face. Graduation was in a few weeks, and I’d have to play my part as a dutiful son until this was all over.

I woke this morning with a pounding drumbeat inside my skull, and I knew I couldn’t hold on to this pain any longer. I had to let it out, and Dad was going to be the unwilling recipient.

He had been out on the job site today with most of WAQ’s underling team. Construction was well underway on the bridge project, and they were starting with the abandoned mine in the middle of the mountain, designed to become a pivotal tunnel. Demolition would happen within the next few weeks.

It was early evening now, so Mom said Dad would be home any minute. I had given her an extra-long hug, holding her tightly to me to convey how much I admired her strength and mourned for her pain.

My mom, this incredible woman, who raised Shiloh and me with her whole heart and brought Winter into the familylike it was her purpose in life, hadn’t deserved my father’s disloyalty.