Page 40 of Wings of Cruelty and Flame (Heir of Wyvara #1)

AMEIRAH

I grunted, trying to turn over in bed, but my body resisted so violently that I swore. What the fuck? I tried to unglue my eyelashes but they weren’t having it, so I moved my hands down to my leg, trying to untangle the sheets that were keeping me captive.

“Remove those bandages and I will end you, Ameirah Saber.”

A firm hand caught mine, pulling it from under the sheets and flattening my arm to the bed.

“Varidian…?”

I tried to extricate my hand to rub my eye but he held onto me.

“Can I rub my eyes, or is that not allowed?” I grumbled.

“If I see you so much as twitch towards your leg, I’ll tie your wrists to the bed frame,” he threatened, deep and rough.

I sighed, but he allowed me to move my arms, rubbing the sleep from my lashes until I was able to open my eyes, blinking at the room—our bedroom in the Diamond, remarkably intact— and my husband whose face was entirely too close. His pretty hair brushed my cheeks when I tried to sit up. His hands covered my shoulders for the express purpose of pinning me to the bed, and not in a sexy way.

I glared at his too-close, too-handsome face and—oh. There were dark shadows carved around his eyes, his facial hair thicker than when I last saw him and now I looked closely, his gorgeous hair seemed a little… dull.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” I asked at the same time he demanded, “How do you feel?”

I raised an eyebrow, insisting he answer first.

A muscle fluttered through his jaw. “My wife was unconscious with an injury bad enough to take down a seasoned rider and you had so much iron in your blood that it took two doctors and a healer to purge it.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t like the idea of so many people touching me while I was unconscious.”

“I would have ended them if they were untoward,” Varidian said, his voice slipping lower.

“I know,” I murmured, softer than I meant to speak. “I still don’t like it.” My hands ended up on his shoulders, one stroking up his neck where angry veins stood in contrast to his skin. “And I feel… fine.”

He caught one of my hands in his, bringing my knuckles to his mouth. “Lie to me again, Ameirah. I dare you.”

An inappropriate heat started in my lower belly. I slid my hands down his chest, taking my time, both appreciating his body and checking for injuries. “What will you do if I tell another lie?”

“You don’t want to find out, menace,” he warned, his voice lower, quieter.

I did want to find out. Right now. But there was concern in his eyes, and worry written in his tired face, the exhausted line of his body. “My leg feels numb, so it doesn’t pain me now. No doubt when whatever numbness it was treated with wears off, it’ll blaze like hell. I ache pretty much everywhere, but that won’t kill me. And I’m not sweaty and hot anymore, so… things are looking up.”

I wasn’t dead; I was very fond of not being dead.

“Good girl for telling the truth.” His lips found my forehead, lingering in a warm press that made me sigh.

I continued my exploration of his body, the warmth of him against me exquisite. “Now tell me the truth. How are you?”

“I’ve been worse,” he dismissed, his next kiss lingering against my head.

“I’m serious, Varidian.” I skimmed down his ribs to his stomach and froze when his whole body locked up above me. “You’re hurt,” I realised. “Show me.”

I grabbed the hem of his short tunic before he could stop me, lifting it a few inches before he stopped me, his hand snapping around my wrist hard enough to make me wince.

The hurt I’d felt all week came back in force—all the times he’d kept me at arm’s reach, stopped me touching him. He never undressed in front of me since that first night. “What are you hiding?” I asked, pain cinching my chest. “I’m your wife, Varidian, and I know our marriage is new but—you can trust me, you know that, don’t you?”

Pain flickered through his blue eyes but he didn’t release my wrist. “I know that. I do trust you, Ameirah but you—I can’t share this secret.”

“The secret of your torso?” I huffed, not understanding. He’d stripped off his shirt that first night, making me dumbstruck with the sight of him, and I wasn’t entitled to his body but—the secrecy hurt. I didn’t understand what had changed.

Except… he hadn’t really known me that first night, had he? He hadn’t realised I had death at my fingertips, or I’d never had a wyvern, or I killed my baby sister and an innocent clergyman. The more he got to know me… the further he pulled away from me.

“Never mind,” I breathed, my stomach tightening, whirling. “I understand.”

There were worse things, I told myself. We respected each other, appreciated each other, and Varidian was even prone to flirting with me. It was fine if he didn’t truly want me, if things would only ever be physical with no real desire between us. I could live with that. Our marriage was good, far better than I expected on my wedding day. He made me smile, made me laugh, made me see stars with that talented mouth of his. I could live with that.

Even if the tangle of hot emotions in my stomach made me physically sick and—and I had dangerous, powerful feelings for him. Fuck, this was going to end badly.

I swallowed the knot in my throat, dropping my hands from his body and feeling the loss like a barb to the chest.

“Understand what?” Varidian asked, something akin to panic in his eyes. “Ameirah, whatever you think you know, I assure you it is entirely different and far worse.”

The laugh that escaped was bitter. Shit. “I can live with it.”

That was my new mantra. I can live with it.

His eyes tracked my expression, the dread in his expression intensifying. “Live with what?”

I sighed. “Don’t make me say what we both know. You don’t have to be cruel, Varidian.”

I tried to slide out of bed, hampered by the damned leg wrapped in heavy, awkward bandages and the fact I couldn’t entirely feel it. I was glad for the absence of pain, but it would have been nice to use the bloody thing.

Varidian’s hands came down on my shoulders, holding me in place. “I would rather rip out my own heart than hurt you, Ameirah, let alone be intentionally cruel. Whatever you think I’m hiding—tell me please.”

“You’re a bastard, Varidian Saber,” I said, failing to mask my hurt with anger. Shit, my whole heart was bared to him and I didn’t like it. My throat ached, a slow spread of acid in my stomach. “How can you say things like that when you don’t want me? It hurts, Varidian. You push me away and in the next breath speak as if you’re obsessed with me. And it hurts.”

My eyes stung. Fuck, I didn’t want to cry.

“I don’t want you?” he asked, his hands tightening on my shoulders, the fierce grip almost uncomfortable. “How did you come to that conclusion when I would kill any man who even glances at you just to keep you mine.”

I fixed my eyes on the ceiling, blinking hard. “Stop saying things you do not mean. It hurts, Varidian.”

“I mean every word I say. I told you the night I returned I wanted you so badly I couldn’t breathe and I meant every last syllable. When you’re out of my sight, the panic that hits is excruciating. You are mine and tell me I am lying about that at your own peril.”

My brow furrowed, the pain spiking worse through my chest. He wasn’t lying. I knew him well enough to tell that. But… “You’re pushing me away. You don’t want me close to you, even when we sleep together, and it’s like a chasm that gets wider every day. I know it’s there. You know it’s there. I’m done ignoring it. If it’s not because you’ve changed your mind about me then—what is it? Because all I can think is that you don’t want me.”

Varidian tore himself away from me and off the bed, pacing the rug at the bottom of the bed. “If I told you—not only would you be in immense danger but… you would leave, Ameirah.”

I blinked, not prepared to see his own vulnerability come to light. “I would never leave you.” At the rough shake of his head, I added, “I’m crazy and you know it. Nothing you say could make me leave, even the most unhinged declaration or the most unexpected secret. But don’t tell me you’re spying for Kalder, too, my heart couldn’t take it.”

“Fuck no,” Varidian spat, continuing to pace a hole in the rug. He sank his fingers into his hair, tugging at the roots. “I know,” he muttered.

“Know what?”

Panic widened his eyes. “Nothing.”

Alright, that was enough. I threw the covers off and shuffled awkwardly to the edge of the mattress, my leg like a dead weight. I couldn’t stand, I realised swiftly, and that was both inconvenient and frustrating. Instead, I perched on the edge and tried to catch Varidian’s eye.

“You didn’t shun me when I told you about my power, about—Shahzia, and the clergyman.” It was hard to get out the words, my throat tight and pain piercing my chest too badly to let those memories rise. “Why would I do the same for whatever you’re hiding?”

The look he threw my way was desperate, pleading. “I can’t tell you.”

“You can,” I promised, softening my voice and shutting out the spikes of pain in my chest. Whatever this was, it tormented him. And I realised it wasn’t about me at all—the secrecy was about Varidian, about whatever he was struggling with. A dozen different scenarios ran through my mind, each wilder than the last. “I won’t tell anyone. It can stay between us. But please—stop pushing me away.”

“I’m trying to keep you safe.” he snapped suddenly, jerking a step closer, his chest rising and falling like he’d just run down the mountain behind the Diamond.

I swallowed my hurt, keeping my voice even, gentle. “From what?”

“Me.”

His reply was small and… ashamed.

Oh, fuck it. I braced my hand on the post at the bottom of the bed and leveraged myself into a standing position. Varidian swore and rushed to support me, his hands on my hips. They were shaking.

“Varidian,” I breathed, ducking to catch his eyes and holding eye contact. “Trust me to not run away. I’m your wife, no matter what.”

He clenched his jaw, a muscle fluttering up his cheek.

“I won’t run from you,” I said. “And I’m not scared. You can’t scare me, Varidian.”

His laugh was soft, tortured.

“Try it,” I challenged, raising an eyebrow. “Try to scare me.”

“Are you so determined to race into danger?” he demanded, but quietly, with defeat. “Any woman with sense would run.”

“Good thing I lack sense.”

He laughed, less twisted this time. When he met my gaze again, his eyes were heavy, sad. “It will change everything.”

My heart hurt, but I swallowed down the knot in my throat and said, “If you’ve lost your abs overnight, just say it. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

He snorted, shaking his head. “Last chance to back out.”

I stood firm.

“She told me you’d be targeted if I told you,” he breathed, his throat bobbing in a hard swallow.

Rage and jealousy struck like a whip. “Who?”

Varidian released me, taking a step back and reaching for his tunic, pulling it over his head in a swift, aggressive motion.

I jolted, staring at him. On his chest, the black marriage mark stood out starkly, my proud claim on him, but beneath it, flowing down his ribs and branching out in a web of branches and limbs like a living tree… was silver. Glowing silver ink.

He watched me almost obsessively, and turned so I could see the silver branches flowed all the way around his back, disappearing beneath his waistband. My stomach tangled into a knot, and I understood all at once. It robbed me of all breath.

“The lightning soul,” he whispered, his breath coming so quickly his chest jumped when he faced me again. “It’s not—it’s not a person. It’s living magic and it’s… inside me. She’s inside me.”

Jealous flashed again, hot and maddening. It burned out all my common sense. “She’s inside you,” I echoed, unable to drag my stare from the silver network of magic carved into his skin. Ink but not ink, glowing in a way I had no idea how he’d kept it hidden for so long. Or like… scars. I blinked repeatedly, taking a clumsy step closer on my numb leg. “She’s inside you right now? Can she hear me?”

He gulped. Nodded.

A smile pulled at the corner of my mouth, but there was no humour in it. “Listen closely, lightning soul.” I took another step, resting my hand over the marriage mark on his chest. “Varidian is mine. My husband, mine to protect, mine to keep. Understand?”

“Ameirah,” he hissed, his eyes blown wide with shock.

I ignored him, glaring at the bright scars on his body, my heart slamming against my ribs. I was… furious. Murderous. “If you hurt him, if this magic has any consequences, I will rip you apart and make you wish you didn’t exist. I don’t care how difficult it is, or what it costs. If you hurt him, in any way, by direct action or a consequence of you being inside his body…” I laughed, the sound low, unfamiliar. “You don’t know what I’m capable of. And here’s the fun thing,” I leaned close to whisper, “neither do I.”

Silence answered my threat, broken only by the shudder of Varidian’s breath.

“This didn’t go the way I expected,” he whispered, dragging a hand down his face. “Fuck, Ameirah, you can’t threaten a lightning soul.”

“I just proved you can,” I pointed out.

His hand found my waist and dug into my skin. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Undoubtedly.”

“To threaten a being of living magic. For me.”

“For you,” I agreed.

His nostrils flared, a harsh breath leaving him. “One of these days, you’re going to get yourself killed.”

I shrugged, tracing my fingers over the shape of his mark. “I’m not worried. I have a husband who’s known to cheat death; he can help me avoid it, too.”

“Utterly,” he breathed, “insane.”

“Now you know how I feel about you,” I said with a smile, a weight falling off my shoulders. He wasn’t shutting me out because anything was wrong between us. If anything, this was a relief.

He shook his head, dark hair tumbling over his shoulders with the motion. “Why do I ever expect you to have a normal reaction? I’m the bearer of a lightning soul, Ameirah.”

“But you still want me.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “That was never in question.”

I couldn’t help but grin. “You still want me.”

“I’ve never wanted anyone more, you madwoman,” he groaned, hands flexing on my waist. “But you’re in danger just by being near me. If anyone finds out the truth, you’ll be guilty by association. You saw what happened at Wyfell.”

“Fuck,” I whispered, horror trickling like ice down my spine. They’d been so fucking close. “They nearly found you that day.”

“She... guides me. Speaks to me. She’s the only reason I’m not dead, Ameirah. Mak and I—in the storm, we were falling, the wind too heavy for him to fly and then light erupted around us. It felt like dying, but by the time the light faded, I had these scars, Mak flew steady, and I was alive. And her voice was in my head.”

“What did she say?”

“To stop screaming.” With a huff, he asked, “What would you do if a woman’s voice suddenly spoke in your mind?”

“Threaten her,” I said without hesitation.

His eyes crinkled when he laughed, the sound of it easing another weight from my chest. “Of course you would. But she saved me. And everything that’s happened since—the violence, the fire, the hunts, none of it is her fault. The stories we’ve been told of lightning souls are a lie.”

“That’s a surprise,” I drawled. When his brow knotted, I added, “I’ve read hundreds of stories, some of them ancient, and I can’t count the number of times I hear someone retell them however it suits their narrative. My father likes to tell the story of Baba Ali as a cruel man who punishes little girls who disobey their fathers, when in the original tale he punished all children, not just girls. And don’t get me started on the River Eater, the eldritch monster Xiu told me was born from hatred and cruelty.”

“But… it was born from hatred and cruelty. My mum told me that story.”

I narrowed my eyes. “It was greed that birthed the monster. Greed for power, endless power.”

Varidian’s eyes widened. “She says you’re right.”

The lightning soul. Fuck, she really was listening. Oh, she definitely heard my threat, then.

“But you’re missing the point,” he said on a growl. “It doesn’t matter what’s true, it only matters what story is believed, and everyone believes the lightning soul is destructive and corruptive and evil. Which makes me evil.” He held up a hand when I immediately began to argue. “And it will make you evil in their eyes, too, dearling.”

“I’m already evil to Strava. Why not to the rest of the kingdom?” I said it lightly, but I couldn’t quite ignore the dread that hulked on my chest, slumping my shoulders.

“The second someone discovers the truth, I’m dead,” he said bluntly. “And so are you. Unless—”

“Absolutely not,” I interrupted.

“You need to keep your distance.”

“You keeping your shirt on isn’t going to save my life, Varidian,” I huffed.

“Moving far away might. As much as I hate it, you could go live with my family in Morysen.”

“The family you hate.”

“I don’t hate my siblings; they’d protect you.”

I poked him in the gut. Hard. “Not happening. Abandon this idea or I’ll be forced to take drastic actions.”

“Like what?”

“Like…” I cast around for an idea. “Chaining myself to the bed!”

A lone eyebrow rose, his mouth curling up. “By all means, dearling…”

I poked his ribs again and gasped in horror when he winced. Fuck, now that I was looking for it, there was a mottled red mess of bruising under the web of lightning across his body.

“You’re hurt.”

“Ameirah.” He caught my hand, not looking at me. “I won’t drag you to the grave with me. You are the best goddamn thing to happen to me, and I won’t be responsible for your death. I can’t, Ameirah, they’ll torture you—”

“Let them,” I growled, holding his stare, holding my ground even with a fucked leg.

He sighed, the fight leaving him with that expulsion of breath. I softened when he pulled me close, his lips brushing a sweet, gentle kiss to mine. I knew he was afraid, and I knew he was still wrecked by Fahad’s death, but I wouldn’t let him send me away when this was the only place I’d found that I belonged. I liked being here, at his side, in the Red Star, among his family, his legion. Finally, I didn’t feel out of place. Completely out of my depth, but… wanted. Welcomed. I wouldn’t give that up.

“I love you,” he said, his lips moving to my temple, feathering a kiss there.

I frowned as a wave of exhaustion passed over me.

“Forgive me,” he whispered, “but I can’t let them hurt you.”

What? I tried to say, but my eyelids dragged heavy over my eyes and my lips never formed the word. Unconsciousness pressed on me. That bastard… he’d compelled me to sleep.

He was sending me away.

Thank you SO MUCH for reading this book. Wings of Cruelty and Flame is my baby, and I can’t tell you how happy I am that you took a chance on this new series.

If you want more snarky, spicy romantasy to devour, try The Goblin’s Bride. Enemies to lovers meets marriage of convenience in this spicy fantasy romance where Zabaletta marries her goblin enemy with the single purpose of killing him… but their chemistry and connection takes both of them by surprise. Keep reading for the first chapter!

I’ll see you in the next book!

Leigh (& Lys)