Page 10 of Wings of Cruelty and Flame (Heir of Wyvara #1)
CHAPTER NINE
AMEIRAH
H urt stabbed me like a thousand little blades, but I walked through it, let them cut me however they wanted. I found an empty bedroom on my third attempt, the first leading to a dressing room and the second to a room full of spare linen and weapons. A strange combination, but I was too prickly to bother wondering about it.
Closing the door behind myself should have offered relief, but Varidian’s words burrowed under my skin. It was worse that he got angry on my behalf. He should have been embarrassed to have a wife like me. I was certainly embarrassed enough for both of us.
Every gentry had a wyvern except me. All I had was death in the pads of my fingers. Nothing useful, no magic that could build or heal or leave the world a better place than I found it. If I never wore gloves, all I’d leave behind was a wasteland.
“Enough,” I hissed under my breath, crossing the rich woven rug to the bed. The craftsmanship was beautiful, the crimson viper repeating over and over, similar to the piece I glimpsed in the souk. I wanted to go back to that moment, when Varidian was intrigued by me instead of pitying me, when I’d felt wonder at my new home instead of bitterness at everything I lacked.
With your power, any wyvern would fight to the death for the honour of bonding you.
I shook my head hard to dislodge the words, crawling onto the four-poster bed decked in orange fabrics, the ends trimmed in beads and sequins. It felt like heaven on my skin when I climbed in, and I wasn’t sure why I hated it, why I wanted to scream and cry and rip the beautiful silk to shreds.
The magic could have killed you. Without a bond, it still could.
I knew that, like I knew my father had been waiting for it to happen. He must have given up on the magic combusting me to fire and ash because he wouldn’t have married me to Varidian otherwise.
“So much for a real marriage,” I muttered, turning onto my side, staring blankly at the window cut into the wall, moonlight filtering through to light the room in silvery shades.
I tried to tell myself I didn’t even want a real marriage, but the part of me that escaped reality with romance books wouldn’t let the lie form even inside my mind. I wanted his intrigue to grow into appreciation and for that to grow to deep fondness. Who was I kidding? When I saw the way he looked at me at the celebration, I wanted him to see me and love me regardless of everything I lacked.
“Fucking idiot,” I muttered.
This was only the first of many things he’d discover was wrong with me. No wyvern willing to bond with me. No control over my deadly magic. No real skills. No prospects or special abilities unless you counted my ability to recite legends from memory.
“Enough,” I repeated, the unkindness of my thoughts spreading a poison through my soul. But I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t find anything worth kindness inside me, anything deserving of love.
I’d just settled deeper into my self-loathing when the bedroom door burst open. I shot upright, my heart heaving itself against my rib cage, and nerves tightened my gut when I saw Varidian framed by the door, barely more than a shadow.
It had felt like a blessing to be able to touch him without killing him, but as my husband strode purposefully across the room, his body tight with anger, I suddenly wished he wasn’t immune.
“This,” he said quietly, an undercurrent of something in his voice, “is not your room.”
“It is now,” I replied. I scrambled out of bed when he neared, wanting to be on my feet for whatever he planned to do. Perhaps my father would get his way and Varidian would kill me after all.
I shrieked when Varidian bent and knocked my legs from under me, throwing me over his shoulder like a sack of flour.
“Put me down, or I swear I’ll find a way to kill you,” I snarled.
He just snorted. “By all means, menace, try to kill me. It won’t change the fact you’re sleeping in our bed tonight.”
I grumbled under my breath, a string of sounds without meaning. Why he wanted me beside him was a mystery, but I didn’t see any way out of it. My head bounced off his back as he carried me across the hall into his room. Ours. Whatever he wanted to call it.
“I’m sorry I upset you,” he said, surprisingly heartfelt for a man who held me upside down over his shoulder. “I had no idea, Ameirah, or I wouldn’t have brought up such a sore subject.”
I snorted, bitterness wrapping around my heart like armour. “Of course you didn’t know. No man in his right mind would marry a gentry without a wyvern.”
“Do you think I married you for a wyvern? I doubt any creature would have your dangerous wit. Or a tongue quite as cutting as yours.”
“Maybe if fire breathing counts as cutting,” I muttered, screwing my eyes shut as the whirling hallway made my head throb.
“I like you Ameirah, genuinely, and I don’t remember the last time I liked someone. I don’t want you across the hall in a separate room after I just watched you come so beautifully for me.”
Fuck.
He needed to stop talking like that.
My ears tingled, heating.
“You’re going to sleep beside me, and if you’re especially angry with me you can murder me in my sleep like a normal couple.”
“Your definition of normal needs examination,” I drawled, inhaling sharply when air rushed past me and my back met the soft give of a mattress. “But if you’d like me to kill you, that can be arranged.”
“See, this is why I like you.” He was smiling; I could hear it in his voice.
I cracked an eye open, watching him snuff out the torches until he was lit only by moonlight. “You seem completely unchanged. Still as mad as before you found out I’m defective.”
He was on top of me in a heartbeat, his eyes blazing. “You are not defective. It’s not your fault your family are monsters.”
“Varidian,” I sighed, unable to finish my thought. I’m the monster.
A kiss landed between my eyes, and my heart twisted into a painful knot. “Your new family will treat you better, I promise you.”
“If you don’t think everyone will take one look at me and know something is wrong, you’re delusional. It’s been this way all my life.”
“Ah, but you didn’t have me beside you then. One single pointed comment, and they’ll gravely regret any looks they give you.”
I opened my eyes fully, my brow pinched. “You can’t hurt your family for speaking their minds about me.”
“Who said anything about hurting them? I can be far more creative than that, and the spare baths are long overdue a deep clean. I’m sure I have a brush they can use around here. It’s no bigger than my finger.”
I rolled my eyes, but the bastard had me smiling again. “That’s cruel, Varidian.”
He kissed my forehead again, making a confusing mess of my emotions. “In case it wasn’t clear, Ameirah Saber, I want you with or without a wyvern. But if you decide you want to bond, I’ll scour Ithanys for the deadliest and cleverest wyverns and bring them to you for your choosing.”
I glanced down, a tight hurt in my stomach. No matter what he said, I knew deep down my power was too dark, too twisted, for a wyvern to bond with me. But I forced myself to nod. “I won’t change my mind, though.”
He kissed my temple this time and rolled off me, crawling under the covers. He pulled me back against him, ignoring the scowl I threw his way, mostly to cover up how vulnerable I felt.
“You’re always welcome on Makrukh’s back with me,” he said against my neck, brushing my hair aside to kiss me there. My body broke out in goosebumps. I was caught between brittle anger and relief. He still wanted me. It shouldn’t have mattered—I’d only just met him, and I hardly had feelings for him so soon. It wasn’t like Varidian wanting rid of me was going to break my heart. But his acceptance felt like warmth on a plant long deprived of the sun. I forced a deep breath and settled into the bed, my side tingling when his arm draped over me.
Because it was dark, I felt brave enough to admit, “Today was my first flight.”
Varidian’s whole body jumped, like the truth hit him with the impact of a punch. His arm tightened around me, pulling me into his warmth. His chest was vibrating, his growl inaudible. The feel of it shivering through my back and along my ribs to my heart made everything soften inside me—all my self-consciousness, my loathing, my fear of rejection. For a moment, it all went quiet.
“I will kill him,” Varidian whispered, as soft and honed as an arrow cutting the air. “I swear to you, Ameirah. Call it a wedding gift.”
I snorted. “My father’s head on a spike as a wedding gift. I understand why you like me now. You’re every bit as sharp as I am.”
“Sharper.”
I didn’t know about sharper but he was certainly harder. I felt his cock against my backside, as hard as iron. I pretended not to notice because I was too tired for another bickering argument. Although would it really kill him to take me here, with my ass in the perfect position?
“But I’ll never be sharp with you,” he promised, startling me with a kiss to my shoulder. I was still wearing my takchita. I would have changed for prayer but I had no idea where to find clean clothes in this riad. I was too tired right now to change. “Never with my wife.”
“Do you expect me to be soft with you in return?” I asked, my eyelids heavy. The strangeness of being in bed beside another person was overwhelmed by how good it felt to be held. Sleep reached out to embrace me.
“Fuck no,” he laughed, another kiss finding my shoulder. The cotton had slipped down; this time he kissed bare skin and lingered. “I love it when you threaten me, menace. Don’t ever stop.”
“I like the name,” I murmured on the cusp of sleep.
“Then I’ll call you menace every day for the rest of our lives.”
I was asleep before I could reply, falling into the cloudlike embrace of unconsciousness, not knowing nightmares of my past waited for me there.