Page 30 of Wildfire (Owl Creek #1)

I can't believe I just slipped and told Cole I love him. I'm sleep-deprived and worn out from travel, and I just told him I 'loved him forever' like I say to my best friend Zoe.

There's no unringing that bell, so I hang up. I switch my phone to silent so I can ignore it if he calls or texts because I don't know what to do about what I just said. The thing is, it's totally true. I'm in love with Cole.

But the last thing I want is to say it over the phone like I've said it a million times before—so casual. There was no heart and soul behind that one.

I slip back inside the motel room, where Trevor and Jordy are still snoring away. Since I can't sleep, I'll get an extra-long shower and grab breakfast by myself. I need to think about everything—about this life as a musician, Cole, and what I just said.

Because the thing is, my guilt is back— but for other reasons.

I'm starting to wonder if this is the life for me.

I upended everything to get here, and I feel like I have to stick it out.

But this is not what I imagined it would be like and I have to think long and hard if this is what I want.

Especially now that we're getting some attention, the pressure is building.

I didn't get a chance to tell Cole, but we got invited to do a radio spot. It's just a college station, but I heard from Trevor that it's pretty popular with hipsters. Since everything is streamed online now, people from other parts of the country tune in to this station.

This could be the break the band has been hoping for, and I'm not sure I'm up for it. Leering men, shitty restaurant food, and daily travel aren't what I dreamed of when I thought about being a musician.

I decided to pull out my mother's songbook and read it more carefully over breakfast. Maybe something in her music will help me know what to do.

I imagine her fronting a band and traveling in her VW bus, and I chuckle.

She was a beautiful woman, and I wonder if she got the same treatment I've been getting—dismissed by the woman-hating bar managers and sound guys and groped by the drunk patrons.

What a life.