Page 73 of Wild Card

I tell myself I did the mature thing. The rightthing. But usually when I do the right thing, it gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

Being mature to Cecilia? Satisfying.

Giving Clyde a kidney? Satisfying.

Helping Rhys get an alarm system set up for Tabby while he was away? Also satisfying.

Walking out and leaving Gwen to Tripp? I fucking hate myself.

A hot shower to wash away the smell of ash doesn’t improve my mood. It’s not until I flop down onto one of the double beds and pick up my phone that I feel better.

Because Gwen’s name is on the screen. I swipe it and open the surprise.

In the past, we’ve exchanged text messages about Clyde. They’ve been mostly business.

This one, though? This has nothing to do with Clyde, and it feels nothing like business.

Gwen: Hi. I’ve been trying not to bug you, but I need a sign of life.

I read it a few times, like my eyes are deceiving me. I wasn’t sure how she and I would interact with everything out on the table. Especially not with Tripp hanging around.

Asking her out right in front of me.

I’d wanted to give him a shake, tell him not to go after her just because he wants what he can’t have. I may not have a great track record with relationships, but I know he only started thinking about her because he came face-to-face with her. He didn’t light up or stumble over his words—he didn’t even try.

If nothing else, I’m offended by how careless he’s been with her. I’d feel worse for him if I bought his heartache. Instead, hereminds me of a little boy throwing a tantrum because he can’t get the toy he wants at the store.

I know what it’s like to not be able to stop thinking about someone.

I know because I’ve been there with Gwen. Even during an active fire, I think about her. Even when I know I shouldn’t, I think about her.

That’s how I justify writing her back. Before I thought not answering her texts was the right thing to do. But tonight? I’m weak.

Bash: Consider this a sign of life.

She writes back instantly.

Gwen: Oh, thank god. I’ve been watching the news, trying to catch sight of you. But it hasn’t worked. There are videos of the planes, but how am I supposed to know which one is you?

Bash: You’ve been watching the news?

Gwen: Yeah.

She says it so plainly. Like, of course,she’s been watching the news and looking for me. I smile at my phone like some lovesick loon.

Gwen: Is it as bad as it looks?

Bash: Yeah. It’s pretty bad. Early for fire season too.

Gwen: How long do you think you’ll be gone?

Bash: Hard to say. Why? Does Clyde miss me?

Gwen: No. I do.

The thrum of my heart comes stronger and faster. She shouldn’t be able to make me feel like this with a simple text message.

Gwen: I don’t have anyone to play strip poker with. ;)