Page 19 of Wicked Riddles & Bitter Heartbeats (Till Death Do Us Part #1)

Chapter Sixteen

Lilah

The room is bright when I wake up. Too bright for early morning.

There’s a heavy weight pressing my body into the mattress, keeping me warm, and I smile at Atty holding onto me like a giant koala bear.

I’ve never felt so safe in my entire life.

And though there are parts of him he is holding back, I’ve still never felt closer to anyone.

It truly feels like our souls know each other.

Maybe from a past life. Maybe we were different people then.

Or maybe we were very much the same and found our way together then, too.

My bladder is screaming at me to get up, but just a little longer.

The dull ache behind my eyes tells me I was sleeping for far too long.

I have no idea what time it was when we got here, only that it was late.

I remember waking up in the back of the car, in a makeshift bed that Atty made me, but I know I fell asleep in the front.

Being taken care of like this, even if it is so simple, is the best feeling.

It’s something I haven’t had since my father, and even compared to that, this feels better.

I appreciate it more because I’m an adult, and because I’ve been in so many bad situations.

You can’t appreciate the good unless you’ve had it bad—and I’ve had it bad .

I’m so lucky to have met Atticus, and even if he hasn’t said it too, I know he feels the same.

And I’m going to prove to him over and over again, that he can trust me and that I am going to help him as much as he helped me.

We were meant to meet that day he killed Steven, and I was meant to be with him. I feel it in my bones. There is no going back now. It’s us against the world.

I close my eyes and enjoy the peace and warmth and safety.

Before I know it, he’ll wake up and we’ll be doing whatever we need to do today.

Though I know this will be waiting for me at the end of the day, I’m not ready for it to be over just yet.

Eventually he stirs, sucking in a deep breath and squeezing me tighter as he stretches.

“Morning,” he rasps out, leaning closer to kiss my cheek.

“Good morning,” I respond, turning in his arms and burying my face against his chest, right under his chin. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

“Have you?” he asks suggestively.

“Mhmm.”

He shifts, leaning over to look behind me. “It’s nearly dinner time.”

“Damn,” I say with a small laugh. “I didn’t think it was that late.”

“We should get up.”

Yeah, we should… but I still don’t want to.

Atty kisses me on the head one more time and then lets go of me to get out of bed. He goes to the bathroom, and I follow him in there. I brush my teeth and wash my face while he pees. Then we switch and go back to the room to get dressed.

“What is the plan for today?” I ask.

“Food.”

“And then?”

Atticus is not a man of a lot of words, but when he’s thinking too much, he says even less. One or two word responses. Clipped tone, but not rude.

“James.”

Though he has been open about a lot of stuff, there are still a ton of things he’s holding back.

He’s given me the basics, but he won’t go deeper than that.

I can’t push him. Not everyone is as open as I am, and someone like Atticus is even more closed off.

Though he comes across as strong, and he is, he’s also very fragile.

He’s like Mowgli or Tarzan. Not used to human contact, unsure how to act around people.

He’s been alone most of his life, and maybe part of the reason he can’t connect is because he doesn’t know how.

I’m going to show him how.

I’m going to make sure he knows it’s okay. That some people aren’t so terrible, not everyone leaves you, and not everyone uses you for things.

“Hey, Atty?” He looks up at me, still tying his boot. “You know I’m with you because I want to be, right?”

There is no change to his facial expression. I move closer, standing between his legs and sitting down on his thigh. I put my arms around his neck and make a point to look into his eyes.

“I appreciate what you did for me, but I’m not here to repay you. I’m here because I want to be. Because of you. Maybe you don’t understand it, and I guess I don’t really understand it either, but I just feel like you’re where I’m supposed to be.”

Still no change to his face, not even his eyes.

But his arms come around me, and for a few seconds we just stare at each other.

I know he understands what I’m saying. He hears me and he gets it and hopefully he believes me too.

If he ever wonders about my feelings, I hope this will be a reminder to him.

“Thank you for saying that,” he says genuinely.

My hands slide up to cup his cheeks, and I kiss his lips softly.

“Let’s go eat.”

We go down the road to a steakhouse, where we wait twenty minutes for a table.

We don’t talk much while we eat, but it isn’t needed because the silence is comfortable.

The food is delicious. I get dessert even though Atticus declines.

I offer him bites and he refuses, because he apparently hates chocolate. He pays the bill, and we leave.

“If you want me to get a job, I will,” I say as we get back on the road.

“Why would I want my kitten to do that?” He grabs my hand, kissing the back.

“To contribute.”

“You’re mine to take care of.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.”

Kissing my hand again, he puts it down and grabs the wheel with both hands. “I don’t think that.”

“It sounds like there’s a but…”

“No but. I’m just… sabotaging myself, I suppose.”

“What does that mean?”

“I know I can trust you, that you aren’t here for the wrong reasons. I know that because when I say it, when I think it, it feels right. But even so, there is this little voice in the back of my head.”

“Doubt.”

“I suppose, yes.”

“We all have that. Well, most people.”

“Really?”

I let out a little laugh. “Yeah, I think it’s what keeps us alive. You know, the little voice that tells you not to cliff-jump, even though you really want to.”

“People do that.”

“Which is why I said most people .”

We pull into the hotel parking lot. The sun is down, the inside of the hotel illuminated by bright lights. People walk about, chatting and heading to wherever it is they’re going.

What we’re about to do could change so much.

In the grand scheme of things, I don’t know Atticus.

I feel like I do, but when it comes down to it, I don’t know much about him.

I can’t pretend to know how this whole thing makes him feel or how he will react when he meets his brother.

It could go very well, or very badly. I don’t think there is an in between.

“Hey, Atty?” I say softly, putting my hand on his arm. He turns toward me. “No matter what, I’m here, okay?”

He blinks a few times, nods, then takes my hand and kisses the back of it again. It’s such a sweet gesture and I hope he never stops doing it.

“Thanks, Kitten.”

We get out of the car and head toward the doors in search of his brother.