Page 41

SYMPHONY

I try not to think about Diesel throughout the next week as I get used to my new schedule for both school and work. The only thing I find out is that Diesel and Merrick are staying around Jersey. Greta sent me a message a few days after I dropped her off.

My new boss is terrific, and while the tasks I’m assigned aren’t going to change the world, I’m learning a lot about the gears and cogs that keep the federal government machine running. It’s not glamorous, doing research on water treaties and building reports on gas line rights.

But I’m in the room where some things happen, and more doors can open from here. There are already rumors that an upcoming restructuring might create some opportunities for those of us who can stick it out.

On Saturday, Jenna asks Marietta and me over to her apartment to study imperialism.

When I arrive, Bailey is already there.

I pause by the door.

“You guys have simply got to make up,” Jenna says. “We’re the four whores of the apocalypse, remember?”

Bailey gives a pained smile. “One for whores and whores for all?”

I’m not moved. “You ratted out Diesel and Merrick.”

Marietta stands next to me. “Yeah. And it caused real trouble.”

“But they got their bar back,” Bailey says. “Sherman bought it and gave it to them.”

“What?” I sink onto the sofa. “Diesel’s back?” I don’t add that he hasn’t texted me. The others already know.

“Not yet,” Bailey says. “They’re still in Jersey with Greta. Jude keeps trying to come back, so they keep having to toss him out. But the preliminary order will be ready soon, and I think things will calm down once Jude is officially served.”

“Is the bar open?” I ask.

“No. They want to make the improvements before they reopen.” Bailey gives a half-smile. “That way, a woman in tricky spandex won’t hold up the whole bar.”

“I see.”

“I have Diesel’s new number.” She holds out her phone. “If you want it.”

Do I? “He has mine. He knows how to get in touch.”

“Does he, though?” Bailey asks. “I think he destroyed his phone.”

Marietta stands her ground, hands on her hips. “He can restore his account and contacts. We’re not stupid.”

“I don’t want it,” I say. “I think we already had our goodbye sex.”

“You sure?” Bailey asks. “I want to make things right. I was only trying to help the family.”

“ We’re a family,” Jenna says. “And we need to make up, or I’m going to lose my shit!”

“I’m still mad,” I say, and I am. “You gave up their location without even talking to anyone about it.”

“It felt like the right thing,” Bailey says. “And now that they’re all back together, isn’t it better? They didn’t even need me. Greta did it.”

I’m not over what she did, but it is hard to let go of the friendship. “I’ll try to move on,” I tell her.

“Good,” Jenna says. “Can we hug it out?”

The four of us collapse into a tight embrace. It feels good. And if I can get past this, being friends with Bailey means a piece of Diesel is always around. I’ll know where he is, how he’s doing.

My heart pangs. Hush, I tell it. We never even got to love. Just some dates. Some sex. Some sketches. Some fun. Some risky wildness.

I miss it. I do. But if there’s one thing I understand about Diesel, it’s that he’s fleeting. I got more of him than I expected.

And my life is fine without him, even if I wish it didn’t have to be.