Page 56 of White Raven (Nevermore Duet #2)

“Fine, then what is it? If I’m overthinking it, then I’ll be the first one to apologize, but I really don’t know why else—”

“Because it could be mine,” he cut her off. When he turned to look at her, she looked about like he expected her to— shocked and in disbelief. Her arms slowly dropped to her sides, and the cup along with it as it busted on the pavement.

“What?”

“Rhaena’s baby…there’s a small chance it’s not Brandon’s. The only other person would be me.” Her face went from shock to devastation in less than two seconds, and her hands trembled. “I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know how. We don’t even know if she is or isn’t.”

“But…you’ve been with me. I know you and Rhaena used to fuck, but that was before me, Athan.” Her breathing picked up, and the look in those pretty eyes was so terrified. It was like she knew the answer before he was giving it and praying to God she’d be wrong.

If only that were the case.

“There was another time. After we met.” He nearly choked on every word, taking a step closer to her. She pressed herself against the wall.

“Shut the fuck up. When?”

“It was the day that she went to see you in the hospital. We had just met, and…I was spiraling. She was jealous. I didn’t know what to think about everything going on in my head where you were concerned.

Rhaena was pretty sure that I was gonna fall for you, and she was frustrated and lonely.

I had already turned her down once the night I came to question you.

I told her I couldn’t fuck her while I was thinking of someone else. ”

“And you weren’t thinking of me while you plowed her that time?” she snapped, her lower lip wobbling. Fair enough…but it fucking sucked.

“I’d be lying if I said no, Sarah. But you were with Stratford, and I didn’t think for one second that you’d ever decide to be with me.

Especially if you knew what I’d done to you.

The relationship I had with Rhaena…I never reciprocated those feelings.

Whatever she had. She was my partner. She’ll always be my partner, but it was never more than that. ”

Sarah scoffed, tears filling her eyes as she turned her face away.

“Until you end up being her fucking baby-daddy!” Her arms folded in front of her chest again, and she bit her bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth.

He was dying to touch her and reached his hand out without thinking. She jerked herself away.

“Sarah…”

“Just don’t.” She kept shaking her head, looking back at him like he’d just brought the world down on her.

“I’m not saying that it doesn’t bother me a little that there might be a little Athan running around out there whose mother isn’t me.

I told you before, I don’t expect your number to be low, knowing how old you are, and what your old job title used to be Athan…

but you should have fucking told me. I may have been with Brent then, and you didn’t have any obligation to me at that point other than telling me you were the reason I was rotting in that hospital.

But I thought we were done keeping secrets. ”

“Sarah, I—”

“You asked me to marry you!” she cried, lifting her left hand.

“You crushed me when I found out on my own about my mother’s necklace and what you did to me in that alley.

Now here you are crushing me again, because you still feel like I don’t deserve the truth!

How could you do this to me?” She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

“I never wanted to hurt you. I still don’t even know how to feel about it myself.

How could I tell you something like that?

!” He leaned in close enough that their noses almost touched.

“How could I look you in the eye and tell you that the future we wanted was not only being put on the back burner because of your fucking senile father, but also because I might have an illegitimate child with another woman? It was just as hard not telling you, believe me!”

“I’m sure it was, Athan. I’m sure it was just as hard as knowing that you almost fucked me while hanging on to the knowledge that you’d already killed me once.

How did holding that back work out for you?

You think you would have learned your fucking lesson by now!

” She shoved him back a step and straightened her spine.

He didn’t know whether to rip her clothes off or grovel at her feet.

“I don’t care how hard it is for you, the fact …

is that ever since we were mated. Ever since you put a ring on my hand…

you chose not to be alone in whatever we go through.

We go through it together! That means giving me a fucking choice in how I handle myself or figuring out how to back you. ”

A tear slid down her cheek, and she trembled with rage.

She looked like she was about to throttle him the way she had in his kitchen that horrible morning.

“I know you care about her. I love Rhaena too. She might be your partner at the precinct, Athan…but she’s not your partner in life.

You chose me . I chose you . I fucking gave my life for you.

Twice . The least you could have given me was the courtesy of being fucking honest.”

Undeserving. Still…so undeserving. She was right. About everything.

“You’re right,” he choked, nodding slowly. “You’re right, Sarah. I should have come clean, and I’m sorry.”

“Would you have ever told me?” she asked, her voice breaking.

Good question. One he couldn’t even come up with an honest answer to…not even for himself. Sarah huffed a laugh through her nose, rolling her eyes and snatching the bag from him as she turned towards the door.

“Sarah,” Athan called, reaching a hand out to stop her.

“Don’t wait up. I’m gonna crash with Wren tonight. I don’t wanna see you right now.” She jerked the door open, giving him her back and he tugged on the hood of her jacket.

“Baby, please—”

Sarah whipped around, her long hair flying around her shoulder.

“I said leave me alone, Athan! The time for talking to me was days ago. Stew on that while I’m gone.

I’ll see you tomorrow.” They locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity, and then she turned and slammed the heavy metal door in his face, leaving him standing in the back alley with clouds of his breath puffing from his mouth.

He deserved that. The best thing he could do for Sarah right now was to let her cool down the way she’d needed to after his other shitty decision. Give her space. Give her time. Give her a fucking chance to forgive him, yet again.

That was the tricky thing about allowing himself to love.

He told her he was no good at it. That he’d never done it before.

It had taken him a fair amount of poking and prodding just to be able to say it to her, the first time being while she was unconscious after touching herself while he had been the very object of her darkest desires.

This is just the way it was between them.

Insanity. Blessed…beautiful…fucking infuriating insanity.

They’d be alright. They had to be. He had to allow her the time she deserved to hate him for being himself.

Athan turned on his heel, pocketing his hands in his leather jacket and staring at his feet as he trudged back to the car.

“Not so fast, boy!” Nell’s familiar voice rang out in the alley. He stopped short and turned to see her hobbling towards him. Not allowing her to waddle the whole way, he met her in the middle. “What’d you do?” she asked.

Athan shrugged, his eyes finding his boots again. “I fell for somebody just as iron-headed as I am.”

“You didn’t just fall for any hard-headed woman, Athan,” Nell bit, raising his chin. “You fell for that one. And I shouldn’t have to remind you how special she is.”

“You barely know her, Nell.”

“I know enough, after recently.” She dropped her hand and reached into her sweater, handing him a sealed envelope.

“What is this?” he asked, making to open it. She stopped him, placing a hand over his.

“I haven’t told her yet. When you read these…

I think you’ll be grateful you can’t die from heart failure.

I’ll say this. I don’t need to ask about whatever is in that bag she’s got to know exactly who her father is, and why neither of you have been able to put these pieces together yet.

But if you still want me to talk to my friends, I will… for you.”

His heart started slamming against his ribs, and he stared at her aged complexion, realizing whatever truth she’d found was in his hands—and that if he opened this without her, she might never forgive him for it.

He glanced at the open back door and stepped toward it, halted by Nell’s arm. “I’ve gotta tell her, Nell.”

“Why doesn’t she want to see you?”

“It’s a misunderstanding,” he argued.

“You lied to her.”

He tightened his mouth, and his jaw ticked. “I kept something from her. Something important.”

Nell slowly nodded, dropping her arm. “Women are always gonna be a mystery to men. Immortal or not. But we’re far from a mystery to each other.

You better take my advice. Let her be. When she comes home…

open it together. She’s gonna need you when you do.

” Her withered hand reached up and patted his face, and she turned to go back inside.

She didn’t turn back around, instead she tossed her sagging chin over a shoulder.

“Rest up, Kane. You’re gonna need your strength for the wild ride the two of you are about to be on, son. ”

His entire ride home, while short, seemed excruciatingly long.

Rhaena had tried calling twice, and he let it hit the voicemail, not deigning to deal with the possibility of more bad fucking news.

It seemed harsh, but even thinking of Rhaena at all right now pissed him off…

even though he only had himself to blame for both the important women in his life being in a tight spot.

He was so frustrated by the time he shoved his key into the door at the apartment, that he hadn’t even realized it was the wrong one, and nearly broke the right one trying to remedy it.

The door slammed behind him as he tossed his keys to the counter and threw off his jacket.

The envelope that Nell gave him skidded across the living room floor.

He blew out a heavy breath, dragging his palms down his face, and bent down to pick it up when…

“Sorry, handsome…this might hurt.”

He didn’t have time to look behind him, before the sharp pain and crack of his neck breaking clouded his vision with darkness, and the world went black.