Page 16 of Whispers of the Void (Voidborn Chronicles #1)

CHAPTER 16

NEEV

* * *

T wo hard raps at my door manage to momentarily distract me from the stabbing pains in my pelvis. It’s been years since I’ve had menstrual pain like this. It didn’t even occur to me to mention this to Hyva. I’ve been taking medication to control my cycle since I was fourteen. I completely forgot about it until I went to relieve myself and saw blood.

“Come in.” I don’t move from the fetal position I’m in. I know from the knock that it isn’t Raiz.

“What’s wrong?” Vynia walks around the bed and looks down at me in concern. “Are you bleeding?” She sniffs loudly and looks me over.

“Please tell me you can’t smell it?” I groan.

“I smell blood. Are you injured?”

“No.” I sit up. “I have my cycle.”

“Cycle?” She gives me a confused look.

“How often do Zeahirian females go through a fertility cycle?”

“Every two to three years on average.”

Damn. Must be nice.

“A human’s cycle is twenty-eight days. We bleed on the first day and for several days and then release an egg a couple weeks after that. I’m currently bleeding.”

“Is it painful?”

“Yes. More so for some than others, from what I learned as a girl. Unfortunately, I’ve always suffered from intense cramping. The Order started suppressing my cycles when I was an adolescent because of the pain. Do you have anything that does that?”

“No. Because our cycles are rare, we don’t ever try to suppress them. It’s not easy for Zeahirian females to become pregnant, so everything regarding our fertility is treated with great care. I’ll call for Hyva.”

“Using the mind speaking?”

“Yes.” She sits down beside me and runs her fingers through my hair. “It’s convenient in times like this.”

“That feels good.” I miss the camaraderie of female friendships. “But I should warn you, Raiz killed that inspector because he touched my hair.”

“That’s not the only reason, I’m sure,” she says. “And I’m not afraid of him. I know all his secrets.”

“I don’t know why he cares so much to begin with.”

Her fingers pause. “I’m sure you must have an idea why he cares.”

“What?” I sit up. “Not really.”

I mean he did kiss me. An amazing kiss, actually. If I close my eyes, I can still feel his mouth slant over mine, his tongue plundering inside mine. But he was doing it to make it seem like the inspector had just caught us in an intimate moment. It was just a cover story.

Another knock at the door interrupts the conversation.

“Come in,” I say.

Hyva walks in, hand in his pocket and looks at the two of us, sitting side by side in bed. “What’s wrong?” His nostrils flare when he comes closer.

“I have my cycle.” I hold up a hand. “Please don’t tell me you can smell it, too. That’s just too much for me to handle right now.”

He stops in his tracks and looks at Vynia. “Is this why you called me in?”

“Yes. She’s in pain.”

“I can deal with the pain. I actually need to know if you have any products to use for the blood. A medication to stop my cycle would be best, but I’m assuming you don’t have anything like that based on what Vynia just shared with me.”

He looks taken aback that I’d even suggest the latter. “No to anything to stop your cycle. What exactly do you mean, products for the bleeding? Zeahirian females don’t bleed, so this isn’t an issue I’ve come across.”

“Do you at least have something I can take for cramps?”

“Yes. I have a tincture for them. I’ll go grab it from my bag.”

“Explain what you need, and I’ll try to figure something out,” Vynia offers.

“Well, there’s multiple things humans use when they have their periods, that’s what we call them. Some insert a small device that collects everything. Others wear absorbent padding.”

“Like a bandage?”

“Not exactly. The padding attaches to your underclothes.”

She looks around, perhaps even more confused.

“I’ll show you what I mean.” I walk to the armoire and pull out a pair of panties and show her where it would go.

Her eyes brighten and she stands. “I have an idea. I’ll be back soon.”

My shoulders drop as another wave of pain swells within me. A bath sounds so good right now. Or a heating pad. Instead I wander back over to the bed and this time crawl under the covers.

I don’t know how much time passes before I hear a light knock on the door and Hyva enters. He sets a small container on the bedside table and pulls out his scanner.

“May I pull the covers back and run a diagnostic?” he asks.

“Sure. But it’ll tell you I’m fine. This is a natural part of humanity.”

“I’m sure you’re right, but it’ll make me feel better. Not to mention the hulking male pacing outside your door.”

“Raiz? He’s in the hall?”

“Wearing a path in the rug as we speak.” The scanner beeps as he hovers it over my body. He makes a humming sound when several alerts go off. “You’re slightly anemic, which is new. In significant pain.”

“Yes, both of those make sense.”

“We have a few plants high in iron. I’ll have Breval add them to your meals this week. Take the tincture now, and I’ll bring more in the morning.”

I do as he asks, shivering at the bitter taste of the liquid sliding down my throat. “Tell Raiz he can come in.”

I don’t want him out there worried when this is a totally normal thing. Depending on how long he needs me, it could happen again. He’ll have to get used to it.

He steps inside when Hyva holds the door open. I have to fight the urge to toss the covers over my head when I see his nostrils flare as he scents my blood. That’s so unsettling. I don’t want to walk around with everyone in sniffing distance immediately knowing what’s going on.

“Are you okay?” he asks, approaching me slowly like I’m a wild animal.

“I’m fine. This will happen on a monthly basis if I don’t take anything to stop it.”

He runs a hand through his silvery white hair, setting the strands askew. “Is it always painful?”

“Depends on the person, I believe. For me they are.”

The soothing thrumming begins to sound from his chest again as he takes another step closer to the bed. He’s out of the clothes from earlier and back in the casual ones he prefers to wear around the house. I swallow past a lump forming in my throat as he takes another slow step toward me and the thrumming becomes louder.

“What is that sound from your chest?”

“It’s meant to comfort.” He’s right beside the bed. “Does it bother you?”

“No, not at all. It is comforting, actually.” I frown, knowing I shouldn’t let him get so close, but all I want is to be held. By him.

“Give me your hand.”

He holds his outstretched for mine. I reach over and place my palm in his. At the contact between us, his shoulders drop, and he releases a long breath. He places my hand on the center of his chest where the vibration comes from, and warmth floods my body. A comforting warmth, not one of desire but safety.

My fingers splay over the muscles of his chest, feeling his breath and heartbeat where we’re in contact. I want him in my bed. He feels like safety and home.

“I know I upset you today, but would you permit me to comfort you?”

“Yes.” My answer comes out hushed.

A slight smile lifts the corners of his lips, and he reaches behind his neck and pulls his shirt off. I scoot over and pull back the corner of the covers for him. He leaves his pants on and climbs behind me. One of his arms snakes under the pillows while the other wraps around my belly.

Being cocooned by such a large male is a new experience. I feel small and safe. Truthfully, that alone makes me uneasy. I wasn’t raised to need this type of comfort, but I can already feel it settling into my bones as I let myself melt against him.

His fingers move in gentle circles over my belly. Part of me wants to push them away, especially now that I know most Zeahirian females are slender and toned. What must he think of my soft, squishy flesh? I’m far from what I believe their beauty standard to be. The only thing that stops me from stopping him is the fact that his movements feel more reverent than anything else.

The tincture from Hyva starts to kick in, and that, mixed with Raiz’s gentle thrumming, lulls me into sleep. Right before I drift off, I swear I feel the ghostly touch of his lips on my shoulder as he pulls me closer to him. But maybe I’m just imagining it because of the vibration of his chest against my back. Either way, I’m more relaxed than I can ever remember being in my entire life.

* * *

At some point in the night, I rolled over and tucked myself against Raiz’s chest. He must be asleep; with every exhale his breath softly blows a piece of hair against my temple. One of his legs is wrapped around me, and a hand has made its way up the back of my shirt.

It feels innocent, though. As if this was the most natural way for us to wind up in each other’s arms when sharing a bed. Part of me wants to touch him in not innocent ways. To run my fingertips over the planes of muscle on his body.

I tilt my head back a bit to check and make sure he’s actually sleeping before I go exploring. He’s touched me a lot, carried me, entered my mind. I should be okay to check his body out, just for science. Collecting data.

His skin is warm under my fingers. It’s smooth when I run them down but slightly rough when I move them back up. I trail my fingertips down to the waistband of his pants and feel what I assume is his cock harden between us.

Oops.

“Enjoying yourself, human?” His voice is thick with sleep and laced with humor.

“I am, actually.” For some reason I don’t feel the need to stop touching him now that he’s awake and I’ve been caught. “Your skin is different than mine.”

“Oh, I’m aware.” His hand strokes up and down my spine. “You’re so soft. I have to wonder if every inch of you feels this good.”

“I’ve never had any complaints.” My breath catches as he brings his hand to my side, cupping my ribcage and stroking his thumb back and forth. If he moved his hand up just a tiny bit, he’d be brushing the bottom of my breast.

“How did you sleep? Are you feeling better?”

Everything comes crashing back to me. He frowns when I scoot away from him, sadness flashing in his eyes. Or maybe it’s not sadness, what do I even know about his emotions? It just feels like sadness somehow.

I sit up and know that I can’t get out of bed until he leaves the room. On the bedside table is a stack of cloths, a folded piece of paper, and another small bottle of the tincture I took last night. I wonder when Vynia and Hyva came back, I didn’t hear them.

“I’ll go so you can get cleaned up. Let me or Uzold know if you need anything.” He tosses the covers back and stands. I watch as he stretches his arms over his head, his muscles rippling with the movement.

Stars, he’s beautiful.

Instead of going out into the hall and to his room that way, he walks out onto the balcony. I watch as he pushes his pants down his hips, exposing his sculpted gray ass, steps onto the banister, and dives down into the water. If he hadn’t mentioned doing that in passing before, I’d be worried. He’s probably going to take a swim with Kodia. I doubt I’d make it if I were to jump from this height, but it’s good to know he can.

I push the covers off and check to see how messy the sheets are. There’s not too much, but I’ll definitely have to strip the bedding. After tossing back the tincture, I open the note from Vynia. She crafted some clothes into makeshift pads until we figure out how to get me on medication to suppress my cycle. Or until I go back to Oculus Nine.

The thought brings the familiar heaviness with it. I don’t have much of a purpose here, clearly less than I have back home, but it feels better here. Although, they don’t seem to be receptive to humans on this planet outside of Raiz and those in his house or under his command. I wonder if I could start over on another planet. Or maybe even find a space station to find work in. They always need translators there.

I send a longing look at the bathtub when I start the shower. Hopefully the heat and steam from the shower will soothe the aches as well as a bath or heating pad would. I drop my clothes to the floor and step under the water. It does help, and the herbal-scented hair and body soaps also help ease the tension.

So much has happened I haven’t even really had time to think about the kiss we shared yesterday. I understand why he did it, but I didn’t expect to feel it through every inch of my body. Everything about that kiss made me want more.

It’s never been like that for me. I could have spent hours exploring his mouth, running my tongue over the tips of his sharp fangs. Would he lose himself to the moment and bite my lip, licking the blood away?

My nipples bead just thinking about it. Is he aware of the feral little sounds he made? Did I make them, too? Maybe I should let myself explore these desires.

No.

I know myself. It’ll end up with me getting attached and being sad when it’s time to leave. Although, I wasn’t sad when things with Torre didn’t work out. Why do I think I’ll be sad if I explore a physical relationship with Raiz?

If he even wants one. He could have kissed me out of necessity only. Though he was stroking my skin this morning. And then there’s the thrumming. It put me right to sleep last night. I remember nothing after his arms wove around me and he pulled me to him, I just fell into the most peaceful night’s sleep I’ve ever had.

Steam fills the bathroom by the time I step out of the shower. I walk over to the sink and run a comb through my hair. The hair he killed a male for touching. There was more to it than that but still. I can barely look at myself in the mirror thinking about how a tiny part of me wasn’t entirely appalled by it.

I’m not sure what it says about me that part of me was thrilled by the intensity of his protectiveness over me. It could be as simple as never having felt that cared for before. The group of females who took it upon themselves to raise me within the Order are wonderful. They made sure I was fed, clothed, and educated. All my basic needs were met. They cared for me, but did they love me? No. I certainly don’t think any of them would have put their life on the line for mine.

But I feel that Raiz would. He has no problem crossing moral boundaries to keep me safe. I know he needs me; I’m a means to an end for him. That should make me question his motivations. It doesn’t. It only makes me question myself because I like that he is so protective. Even when he’s irrational, a small part of me preens under his attention.

Is this what it feels like to be cherished?