Page 22
"Nadia," I whisper. "I don't want to go through what she did."
Mom sighs, slipping her hand into mine. "Nadia and Teo's story is their own, Zoya. It isn't yours. Don't let their pain become an albatross around your neck. They wouldn't want that."
"I know. I just…" I sigh. "I guess I'm just afraid of going through what she did, but maybe you're right. Maybe I am overthinking it."
"I think you are," she says gently. "Nadia and Teo had to go through what they did to get where they are.
That doesn't mean it'll happen to you and Jareth.
You're both older than they were. You know what you want in life and what you're willing to sacrifice to get it.
You know yourself in a way they didn't. They were just babies when they met. "
"Yeah," I sigh again, staring out at the empty vines.
She's right. But in a way, I think maybe she's wrong too.
I always thought I knew myself. But if the last few days with Jareth have taught me anything, it's that I don't know nearly as much as I thought I did because everything I swore I didn't want?
Well, it's suddenly become the thing I want more than anything.
Maybe that's my answer. He's been willing to fight for me this whole time. Even when I made it impossible, he fought. So…why am I so damn scared to do the same thing?
Because you're afraid to lose , a little voice whispers. And for once, you actually have something to lose.
It's not wrong. I am afraid to lose. But if I let fear rule me, I'm losing anyway, aren't I?
It won't be time or distance that breaks me and Jareth.
I won't have to run to push him away. My fear will do it for me.
I'll splinter us apart, the architect of my own demise, just because I couldn't get out of my own damn way when it mattered most.
I can't let that happen. If the cost of not trusting myself is losing him…then I have to trust. For once, I have to stop listening to the little voice telling me that I'm going to fuck it up. I have to start listening to my heart. And it is screaming that he's my future.
"I need to go," I mumble, leaping to my feet. "I need to talk to Jareth."
"Good luck," Mom calls as I hurry off in search of him.
I find him in the cellar of the winery with his dad, his twin, and his cousin, Ridley, thirty minutes later. They're standing next to a row of casks, arguing about something.
"Would you just trust us?" Jareth growls at his twin, glaring daggers at him.
Bastian mutters a curse, pulling his glasses from his face to pinch the bridge of his nose. It's spooky how alike they look. Except for Bastian's glasses, they really are identical. "Fine. Whatever. Do it your way."
"Finally," Jareth growls.
"It's a good idea, son," Carter Grayson murmurs to Bastian.
Ridley notices me standing behind them and murmurs something to Jareth. He spins on his heel, the scowl on his face softening as soon as he sees me. His dad looks in my direction, shooting me a grin.
I really hope Jareth looks like him in thirty years because damn .
"Hey, sweetheart," Carter calls to me.
"Hi, Mr. Grayson."
Carter immediately narrows his eyes on me. "What'd I tell you about that?"
"Sorry," I mumble, blushing. "Forgot."
He grins at me, winking.
Jareth and I spent part of Christmas with his parents and siblings.
I love his mom so much. And Jareth is just like his dad.
They made me feel like part of the family.
I'm going to miss them when we leave. Honestly, I'm going to miss everyone here.
His whole family is loud, rambunctious, and a little crazy, but they're so damn nice.
His cousins are wild. His uncles are hilarious.
And his mom and aunt are my new role models in life.
"Hey, princess." Jareth strides toward me, leaving his dad, his brother, and Ridley to finish their conversation. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes. Did you mean it this morning? Do you really want me to move in?" I ask before I lose my nerve.
His expression softens further as he reaches out to cup my cheek. "Yeah, baby, I meant it."
"Then I accept. I'll move in with you."
"Yeah?" His eyes light up with hope.
"Yes."
"Fuck," he growls, pulling me into his arms. His lips come down on mine in a drugging kiss that sets me on fire.
I pull back from it, dazed. "You didn't let me finish."
"Knock yourself out then," he says, grinning at me.
I open my mouth, but I'm not sure where to start. So I start with the obvious. "I love you."
"Christ," he groans, pulling me even closer. "You going to say that to me while I'm inside you tonight?"
"Jareth! Your dad is right there."
"He's too busy listening to Bastian complain to hear a word we're saying. Answer the question."
"Maybe."
The heat in his eyes scorches me.
"I'm sorry for being a mess and taking so long to say it."
"Don't."
My brows furrow.
"Don't apologize to me for being who you are, Zoya. I fucking love you exactly how you are." He presses his forehead to mine. "I'd have waited a lifetime if that's how long it took you to decide you were ready."
"I don't want to be the thing that breaks us," I admit softly. "I don't want my fears to be the thing that pushes you away. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I don't want to lose you. I just want…you."
"You have me, baby."
"I know. But you asked what I was afraid of this morning, and I want to tell you.
" I expel a breath when he nods for me to continue.
"I'm afraid that I'm going to fuck everything up and lose you.
I'm afraid to trust myself. I've never been good at that, Jareth.
I didn't want love, so I never learned to listen to my heart.
Now, it's screaming at me and I'm just…terrified that I'm going to do it all wrong.
I'm afraid you'll get tired of chasing me, and you'll walk away.
And I'm really afraid that I'm going to crack once I leave. "
"Zoya," he says softly.
I hold my hand up because I'm not finished.
"But I've been so stressed about fucking it up and losing you that I've been fucking it up all along anyway.
I've done all the wrong things instead of just learning to listen.
" I meet his gaze. "I don't want to do that anymore, Jareth. I just want to be with you."
Love happens, but you have to choose to let yourself feel it.
You have to choose to embrace it and every messy part of it, every single day.
That's part of what makes it beautiful. We can ignore it.
We can pretend it isn't happening. We can run from it.
But the only thing that does is stifle and kill it.
I don't want to be the reason this thing between us dies, not when it's the best thing in my life. Not when he's the best part of every day. So I'm choosing him. I'm choosing us. And if choosing him means letting go of my fears and worries, then I'm letting go.
At the end of the day, it really is that simple.
"You think I don't know that you're afraid to listen to your heart?
" He shakes his head, smiling gently. "I know, baby.
Believe me, I know. You've been running from the possibility of love for so long that it's an instinct with you now.
But it doesn't matter how far you run. It doesn't matter how big of mess you make or how many times you fuck up or what wild shit you do, you aren't going to break us.
You can't break this." He touches my cheek, so much emotion in his eyes, it chokes me.
"I will never stop chasing you. I'm yours, princess. "
I smile up at him through tears. "I'm yours, too, Jareth. Every damn piece of me is yours."
"Fuck," he whispers, emotion flaring in his eyes. He scoops me up into his arms with a groan, his lips coming down on mine in a wild kiss. I cling to him, kissing him back with everything in me. And for the first time, fear isn't beating at me. It's completely silent.
"I love you," I whisper against his lips.
"We're leaving," he shouts over his shoulder, earning laughter from his dad and Ridley. Bastian just sighs before chuckling.
"I thought you had to work?"
"Fuck work," he practically snarls, already stalking toward the stairs with me clutched to his chest.
I bury my face in his throat, laughing quietly.