Page 21

Zoya

" J areth," I moan, thrusting my hands into his hair as I rock on his lap, trying like hell to keep quiet so we don't wake Connor. Again. We've already woken him up three times in the last few days.

On Christmas, he told me that if it happened again, he was going to murder us both.

I'd prefer not to test his commitment to our demise.

Especially since the only time I've had with Jareth lately has been at night.

He's been busy working on something with his brother and cousins.

Whatever it is has been taking up all of his time.

Jareth growls beneath me, reaching up to thumb my nipple. "You look so fucking good riding my cock, princess."

If I look as good as he does with me riding it, he's probably not wrong. And he looks damn good beneath me with my claw marks all over his chest.

He slips a hand between my legs, his thumb pressing against my clit.

I gasp, slamming myself down on him as I detonate like a bomb. I try like hell to keep my eyes on him as I unravel, but it's impossible. They fall closed as he grunts my name, following me over the edge. I feel him pulsing inside me again and again, and a shiver rips through me.

We fall in a sweaty heap, breathing hard.

"You coming all over me is the best part of waking up, Zoya," he groans rolling us until I'm sprawled across him with my head against his chest, listening to the wild thundering of his heartbeat.

"This isn't a coffee commercial."

He chuckles, swatting me on the ass.

I hide a grin against his chest, happy in a way I can't even describe.

Until he groans and sits up beneath me. "I need to go."

"Again?" I pout at him.

"Afraid so." He cups my cheek. "We're working on something important."

"Are you ever going to tell me what it is?"

"Expansion."

"Oh. Are you taking over another vineyard or something?"

"Something like that." He leans forward, brushing his lips across mine. "You going to be in my bed when I get home tonight?"

"Maybe."

He growls playfully, nipping my lip before he reluctantly hauls himself from the bed. "You better be."

I just grin at him until his naked ass disappears into the bathroom, and then I drag his pillow over my face, groaning. The clock is ticking down, counting down the days until I fly back home, but every time he touches me, he drowns out the sound. He eclipses everything.

I don't want it to end, and yet…the end is coming. Soon.

I'm not ready to face it.

"I've been thinking," he murmurs a moment later, appearing at the foot of the bed with damp hair, fully clothed.

"Did it hurt?"

He shakes his head, smiling softly. "You're going to pay for that smartass mouth one of these days, princess."

"Promises, promises. What have you been hurting yourself thinking about?"

"You leaving."

I flick my gaze up at him, my heart skipping a beat as my stomach twists with nerves. "What about it?"

"You'll be finished with school in a few months."

"Five," I whisper. It feels like a lifetime.

"What if…?"

"What?"

"You moving in when you were finished?"

I blink wide eyes at him, sitting upright. "You want me to move to California?"

"No. I want you to move in with me. The US leg of the tour ends in February. I already told Nadia I wouldn't be doing the overseas leg."

I stare at him, not sure what to say. My heart is screaming yes, but my head? Well, that's a little slower to agree. It's spitting questions like the Grand Inquisitor at a trial. "What if…?"

"What?"

I want to ask what if he changes his mind about me, but I don't.

"What if I can't find a job here?"

"Then open your own rescue," he says like he's got it all figured out. "One of the biggest populations of illegal wild animals is in this state, you know. We have big cat rescues and sanctuaries all over the place."

"You can't just open a rescue, Jareth. It takes funding."

"Uh, look around, princess. I've got plenty of that."

"I'm not taking your money!"

"Why not? It's not like I'll miss it."

I huff at him, scrambling up from the bed. "Because I need to bring something to this relationship."

"What the fuck does that mean?" he asks, narrowing his eyes on me.

"It means I can't just live off you. I'd feel like a gold-digger."

He stares at me for a long moment before a bark of laughter erupts from his lips.

"It's not that funny," I say, scowling.

"It is if you believe that shit," he disagrees, grabbing me when I try to slide past him. "I've spent the last four months trying to convince your infuriating little ass to give me a chance. You don't have a gold-digging bone in your body."

"That's beside the point."

"What is the point?"

"I don't know!" I cry, burying my face in my hands. "You just asked me to move in with you, and I'm freaking out a little."

"Why? Because you don't want it or because you do?"

"Because I do," I admit in a whisper. I want it so freaking bad it scares me.

"Then it's settled. You move in after graduation."

"What if we don't make it until then?" I ask, peeking at him through my fingers. "I leave in two days. What if…?"

His fingers against my lips silence me. "You still doubt me, baby?"

I'm not sure I ever really doubted him. I just tried to convince myself that this couldn't happen.

Now it is happening, and I'm not sure what comes next.

How do I leave here in two days, knowing that I'm leaving him behind?

How do I spend five months half a country away, knowing that he's waiting back here for me?

It sounds like torture. And I've never been a fan of pain.

"Five months sounds like a lifetime."

He smiles gently, cupping my cheek. "You love me."

Tears well in my eyes as I bob my head in a quick nod. "It's terrifying, Jareth. I wasn't supposed to want this. I don't know what I'm doing!"

"You're safe with me, baby," he murmurs, pulling me into his arms. "I've got you. The only thing you have to do is let me love you. Can you do that?"

"I'm trying." I lean my head against his shoulder.

"You hate not being in control."

"Yes."

"Because you hate not getting to decide what happens."

"Yes."

"Maybe not everything in life has to be on your terms," he murmurs, rubbing my back. "Do you trust me to take care of you?"

"It's not that," I whisper.

"Then what is it? What are you still so afraid of?"

Myself , I want to scream…but I don't. I don't say anything.

Jareth sighs softly. "One of these days, you're going to trust me enough to tell me all your secrets, princess."

"Jareth…" My heart clenches, guilt ripping through me.

"I can wait for you to get there," he murmurs, brushing his lips across my crown before he steps back. "I gotta go."

I watch him stride from the room with my heart in my throat and tears in my eyes. Why do I keep fucking everything up? What's wrong with me? Everything between us has been so damn good, and I just…keep holding back, too damn scared that I'm going to mess it up to move forward.

" H ey, Mama," I murmur two hours later, plopping down on a bench beside her.

"Hey, baby girl." She marks her spot in her book before closing it. Her eyes run across me, narrowing behind her glasses. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Zoya."

I huff a breath. How does she always know?

"Jareth asked me to move in with him after I graduate," I blurt.

She nods like she isn't surprised. "What did you say?"

"I freaked out a little bit."

"Because you don't want to move in with him?"

"Because I do," I whisper, staring down at the ground. "But he's already planning the future, and I'm…"

"Worried about the present," Mom guesses.

"Yeah. We leave in two days." Tears burn at the back of my throat.

"I'm not ready to go. I'm not ready to leave him.

" Exactly what I feared would happen is happening.

Our time is up, and I feel like it might break me in half.

How am I supposed to think about the future when the present is killing me?

"Oh, sweetheart." Mom wraps an arm around my shoulders, resting her head against mine. "Falling in love is terrifying, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"It's beautiful, too," she says after a moment.

"So beautiful," I whisper.

"I was terrified to trust my heart when I met your dad.

My mom had me so convinced that there was something wrong with me, I didn't know how to let myself be loved.

You're a lot like me. You've always been so busy loving everyone else, you never learned how to let the people around you love you back. "

"I'm afraid I'm going to mess it all up," I admit. God, it's so easy to say it to her. But I choked this morning, unable to say the same thing to Jareth. It's not him I doubt. It's not him I don't trust. It's me .

"You can't mess up love, sweetheart." She smiles at me gently. "You're a smart girl. You're also one of the most determined people I've ever met. If he's the one for you, you'll figure out how to make it work until you can be together. All you have to do is trust yourself."

"That's the part I'm afraid I'll mess up," I mutter ruefully. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I make terrible decisions."

"Why do you think that?"

I shrug, glancing down at my lap. "Maybe because it's true?

You know how many times I've gotten into trouble doing things I shouldn't.

I don't want this to be one more thing I mess up because I'm not thinking it through or I leap without thinking.

It matters too damn much." I blink rapidly to keep tears at bay. " He matters too much."

And as I've already demonstrated, I don't think clearly when it comes to him. I rope my best friend into playing my boyfriend. I push and run and freak out. What happens if I get back home and it all becomes too much and I just…freak out and run again?

What happens when he decides to stop chasing me?

"Seems to me like maybe you've done a little too much thinking this time, baby girl."

"Is that even possible?"

"You tell me. Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to be with him?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you thinking yourself out of it?"