Page 22 of Whirlwind (Seattle Blades #4)
“Thank you,” I say, relief washing over me like a hot bath.
I run inside and grab a few things for both me and Nightmare, while Tyson entertains him outside, letting him burn off some puppy energy.
When I return and lock up, he picks up Nightmare and reaches for my hand.
I take it, falling into step a half-pace behind as he leads us safely across the quiet street.
“Do you want anything to drink?”
“No,” I answer, stopping just inside his house. I set the small kennel down and drop the tote I’d shoved a change of clothes into.
“You gonna come in?” he asks, setting Nightmare on a blanket on the couch. As usual, the dog spins a few times before curling up with his nose tucked under a paw. “Or do you want to have the conversation over there? I’m good either way.”
“Sorry,” I sigh, moving to the sofa to sit beside my dog. “I’m not thinking very clearly tonight.”
“Okay. Tell me what’s going through that brilliant mind—maybe I can help.
” He sits cross-legged on the floor in front of me, tall enough that we’re practically eye level.
The longer I look into his hazel eyes, the more comfortable I get with the idea of opening up to him.
Tyson is the deep end; I just need to take the plunge.
“I was jealous of one of my best friends tonight. It was one of the most awful things I’ve ever experienced,” I blurt, quick and sharp. He blinks, processing.
“Do you mean Isla?” he asks, his brow furrowing. I nod.
“Of Isla and me?”
“You’re so easy with them—Isla and Sadie.”
“Am I not easy with you? Because if I’m not, it’s only because you make me nervous.” He plays with the laces of my boot. It’s the first time I’ve seen him do something that reminds me of a coping mechanism I would employ myself. A focal point for anxious energy is what my grandmother would say.
“How do I make you nervous?” I ask, the thought never having crossed my mind before.
“Baby, by being you,” he says, resting his chin on my knee. “You don’t understand how great you are, Kit. Or how stunning. You make me feel like a teenager again, tripping over my feet to impress you, all while knowing I never could.”
“How is that even possible? I’ve seen the types of women you’ve been with. Beautiful, confident. Sexual,” I add. “I can’t compare.”
“You’re right, there is no comparison,” he says. “You outshine them all.”
“I don’t know how to believe that,” I say as my cheeks feel warm. Am I blushing? “I’d never felt jealous before, Tyson. It scared me.”
“I can understand that. It’s going to take time, Kit. For you to trust me, for you to see that I’m a loyal guy,” he says. “We have time.”
“What if I don’t want to waste any more of it? I’ve lost so much already.”
“What does that mean?”
“What those other women have…what Isla has, or even Willa…I want that. I want their confidence. To be able to stand by your side and not be the strange girl, but the accomplished woman. I don’t want to see myself as less than them.”
“You aren’t, Kit.” He rubs his hand along my thigh. “Not even close.”
“In some ways, I am. I don’t want to fear that anymore.” What I don’t say is that I don’t want to be a project for him, or something he works for. Those words stay sealed behind my lips, because I know enough of him to know he’ll take that as me wanting to have sex for him.
That’s not what I’m doing.
This is for me. He’s the first man who’s made me feel safe going there, and I don’t want to waste that, either. Even if we don’t work out, if this crashes and burns, at least I’ll have had that.
“What are you saying?”
“Results of studies vary, depending on age and region, but most current data shows sexlessness is on the rise. I don’t want to be in that statistic,” I say, dropping my forehead to rest on his. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”
“That is not what I expected to happen tonight,” he says, his eyes wide with shock.
“Welcome to my brain,” I say.
“It goes from nervously jealous to confidently horny in a matter of minutes?” His lips twitch before he smiles.
“It does tonight, I guess,” I say sardonically.
“Can I make a confession?”
“I’d love to not be the only one.”
“You being jealous is sexy as fuck. I mean, I’m sorry it overwhelmed you, but it’s a God damned turn-on.”
“So, we’re both horny?”
“I always am around you. I do my best not to show it,” he says, scooting closer and wrapping his arms around me so his hands rest on my lower back.
“Could you maybe start showing it? I think I’d like that. It would help.”
“You’ll tell me if it isn’t helpful, yeah?” Again, I nod. “And you’ll tell me if things go too fast, or too far?”
“I will.” It’s my turn to press a kiss on him. I place one on the corner of his mouth, then the center. Slowly but chaste.
“Can I propose an idea?”
“Of course. This is a group project, after all,” I answer, and he laughs.
“I propose that we don’t set expectations for tonight. Maybe we start with getting naked and we see where that takes us.”
“By us, you mean me?”
“I do.”
“Start with a naked play date,” I muse. “Without the expectation of fornication. But with the hope.”
“Definitely with hope,” he agrees, before grasping the nape of my neck and pushing his tongue between my lips.
Fuck, he tastes amazing.