Page 43 of While He Breathes

My need for retribution is still so strong.

I’m desperate to get my revenge for Travis’s death.

But my heart longs for Orion, for the man who taught me so much about myself in such a short amount of time.

Despite it all, I still love him, and now that I know what it’s like to live with a broken heart, I don’t know how I could ever walk away again.

I meant it when I said I wouldn’t run again. If I walk away from him, I’ll do it with us both knowing exactly where I’m going.

I’d give us both the closure we need.

But I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever be able to forgive him.

He killed the only family I’ve ever had.

He lied to me over and over again.

He manipulated me and made me fall in love with him, knowing that I would eventually find out what he did.

And Travis effectively giving me away to Lucas doesn’t erase any of that.

Of course I’m angry that he would do that to me. I’m fucking devastated that the sibling bond I thought we shared was one-sided. But in a weird way, I kind of get it.

Travis took care of me every single day for years. He protected me. He gave things up to make sure I had somewhere safe to sleep and something to eat.

I can understand how he got to the end of his tether and found a way to get out.

None of that makes it okay, but he was human, and humans make mistakes.

I swipe away the rogue tears that fall against my cheeks and sigh. I haven’t made it out of the bedroom yet, and I’m honestly at a loss for what to do.

I spot my purse by the bedroom door and make my way toward it awkwardly. I’m still not totally used to the feeling of having something in my ass, and every step I take feels like it’s going to fall out.

I tug my phone out of its pocket and move back to the bed, wrapping the sheets around myself as I dial Max’s number.

“How’s my girl doing?” He answers on the second ring.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit, my voice breaking under the emotions that are weighing down on my chest.

“Oh, honey,” he says softly. “Are you safe?”

“Yes,” I choke out. “Orion wouldn’t hurt me. At least not in a way I wouldn’t like.”

He chuckles somberly. “I have a feeling that man likes it rough as hell.”

“You have no idea.”

“What’s going on, babe?” he asks, his voice turning serious again.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him, Max. He wants me to promise I’ll never leave him, but how can I make that promise when I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at him and not remember that he tore my only family from me, that he almost killed me in that accident, and that he lied about it. How am I supposed to forget about all the ways he’s manipulated me?”

He sighs, and I hear his own sheets rustle as he gets comfortable. “I wish I had all the answers for you, Ember, but let me tell you some things that I do know for sure. I know that when we met, your heart was broken, and it wasn’t just because he lied to you or killed Travis. It was because you missed him. He healed a part of you that you’ve never been able to. I know that since you saw him at the auction, you’ve had more life in your eyes. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that Orion loves the hell out of you. And for a man like him, that’s almost unheard of.” He pauses for a moment, allowing me to digest what he’s just said.

“Forgiveness is earned, Ember. You don’t have to decide if you’re going to give it to him right this second, and you’re right to be apprehensive about promising you’ll stay, but you also need to consider how hard it would be on a man like him to have such strong emotions. He’s going to make mistakes, just like you are, and you both need to learn how to navigate that.”

“I still want to kill him,” I mutter.

Max laughs, and I hear a snicker in the background that tells me Darius is eavesdropping on our conversation. “I’m sure you do, babe.”