Page 59 of While Angels Slept (de Lohr Dynasty #1)
“Your son is irritable and hungry,” she teased, then sobered.
“Tevin, we must speak of Louisa. I went to see her today because I wanted to know why she had abandoned you. I cannot imagine any woman being so cruel or callous towards her husband and child, and I feel so protective over you and Arabel that I simply needed to know. I did not go to see the woman purely to spite you. I did it because I love you.”
He took his hands from her belly, gazing up into her lovely features. “Very well,” he said steadily. “I am listening, then.”
“You must promise to stay calm. Please, Tevin, I cannot take another rage.”
“I will do my best, I swear.”
Cantia sighed, turning her back on him as she paced a few feet away, gathering her thoughts. Then, she turned to him.
“When you were told she had run away with a knight from her homeland, that was only a very small portion of the truth,” she said.
“According to Louisa, she was very young when she married you and she had been in love with this knight for quite some time. I believe I know what it is like to be deeply in love. I believe you do, too.”
He sighed. “Of course I do.”
“If I was to marry another man, how would you feel?”
Tevin shrugged, averting his gaze. “I would kill him. I would not let that happen. I believe I have adequately demonstrated my devotion to you.”
She nodded. “You have,” she agreed. “So you can imagine what this young woman felt, being forced to marry a man she did not know and did not love.”
“I can imagine.”
Cantia continued. “Unfortunately, being so young, her judgment was also immature. After she married you, she and this knight continued to be lovers.”
He looked at her. “Is that what she told you?”
“She told me that you would share her bed at night and he would fill it during the day.”
“ After we were married?”
Cantia nodded, seeing the hint of outrage on his face. She went to him, taking one of his big hands in hers and squeezing it tightly.
“She was young and foolish,” she said softly. “She knows her behavior was terrible, but women in love do strange things.”
“Do you make excuses for her, then?”
“Of course not. But bad behavior often has consequences.”
“What consequences?”
Cantia knelt in front of him and he instinctively reached down to pick her up so she would not be close to the cold ground, but she resisted him. She held on to his hand tightly.
“Tevin, for Arabel’s sake, I must tell you this before she speaks with her mother,” she said softly.
“I do not want to chance that you are caught off-guard by anything the woman says. She is on her deathbed and has nothing to lose. She may say many things and… I do not want you to be caught unaware.”
Tevin’s dark eyes flickered ominously. “Caught unaware by what?”
Cantia squeezed his hand sympathetically.
“Louisa told me that you were away when she became pregnant with Arabel,” she told him carefully.
“She said that the pregnancy was early enough that when you returned, you performed as a husband should and she was able to convince you that you were the father. But she is certain that you are not Arabel’s father. ”
Tevin stared at her, the color draining from his face. “She told you this madness?” he was both incredulous and outraged. “How is that…?”
Cantia continued quickly, cutting him off.
“The knight she was in love with knew he was the father,” she said.
“He told Louisa that you would kill her if you discovered the truth and convinced her to flee with him. Being young, she didn’t know what else to do, so she went.
It was a horrible decision that cost her. ”
“It is not true!”
“It is, sweetheart. I swear this is what she told me.”
Tevin was looking at her with an expression she had never seen before, something between utter astonishment and utter agony.
Then, he leaned forward, collapsing, until he was resting his elbows on his knees, his gaze on the floor.
He still held Cantia’s hands tightly as if afraid to let her go.
As Cantia gripped him, she could feel him tremble.
“Arabel…,” he whispered. “Dear God… it cannot be true.”
“I am so sorry, my dearest love,” Cantia was close to tears on his behalf. “If I could have spared you the truth, I would have. But Louisa has no reason to lie about this. I did not sense that she was being deceitful in any way.”
He groaned heavily, as if all of his strength had just left him. He struggled with his emotions, struggled to make sense out of it all. His mind, hurt yet analytical in searching for the truth, began to sort through the mess.
“I remember a man,” he began after several long moments. “This knight was with her often, a man with blond hair and brown eyes. I remember this because his hair was very blond and… dear God, Arabel’s hair is blond.”
Cantia squeezed his hands, kissing his head to comfort him. She didn’t know what else to do. She was afraid to say anything more as his mind struggled to come to terms with what she had told him. She could only imagine his pain, his shock.
“He was always with her,” he repeated as if dredging up old memories, recalling snippets of the past. “Louisa’s brother was always with her as well, and the two of them shadowed her nearly everywhere.
She told me it was because she felt afraid in a strange land and she felt comforted by their presence and, wanting her to be comfortable, I allowed it.
Now… it is starting to make sense. I never knew which knight she was in love with because when she fled, they all went with her, but now it is st arting to make some sense.
It must have been the blond knight who was always with her. ”
“Tevin,” Cantia kissed his hands. “I would never presume to tell you what to think or how to deal with this matter, but I will say this– what happened occurred a long time ago. You said it yourself. In truth, it does not matter. I thought not to tell you what Louisa said about Arabel but I knew that I could not withhold such information from you. It is your right to know. But whatever the truth is, Arabel is innocent in all of this and she is very much your daughter. I would hope… hope that your love for her never changes, no matter what.”
He looked at her, then. There was such sorrow in his eyes. “She is my daughter,” he whispered, his eyes misting over. Then he sniffled loudly and wiped at his nose with the back of his hand. “Nothing will ever change that. But I… I am not sure….”
“Sure of what?”
“Sure if I should tell Arabel. Am I selfish not to want to tell her?”
Cantia kissed his hands again, his forehead. “If it was me, I would not tell her. Why should you? You are her father and she loves you. That is all she needs to know.”
“That is all she will ever know, God willing,” he said, regaining some of his composure. “All of this madness… we will forget about it. It will be our secret, you and me. I do not even want to tell Val.”
“It will be our secret alone, I swear it.” Cantia stroked his cheek.
“You will go and speak with Louisa before Arabel does and tell her not to mention it. Tell her it does not matter, that none of it matters. I do not want Louisa to use Arabel like a confessional. The young girl need not hear all of her mother’s sins because the woman is dying and feels the need to clear her conscience. ”
Tevin nodded in agreement before Cantia was even finished speaking. He whole-heartedly agreed. Kissing her hands reverently, and then her lips, he stood up and carefully pulled her up with him.
“I will see her now,” he said, wiping his nose one last time as if to wipe away any emotion that was lingering.
But he paused a moment, looking at Cantia with warmth in his eyes.
“Thank you for being disobedient, sweetheart. I know your intentions were good. I… I think hearing this information from you was much better than if I heard it from Louisa. I am not entirely sure how well I would have received it. But coming from you… you gave me strength. I am grateful.”
She smiled sweetly at him, accepting his tender kiss before he quit the room and shut the door softly behind him.
Cantia’s smile faded as she listened to his bootfalls fade down the stairs, thinking of the moment that lay ahead for him as he confronted the woman who humiliated and betrayed him, more than he could have ever imagined.