Page 29

Chapter 28

Adeline

A deline was alone in her old room, finally. Blessedly alone. She ran to the chamber pot and retched violently. Thick coagulated blood emptied into the bin, and she stared at the contents as waves of nausea rocked through her. Erik’s caresses lingered on her exposed skin like a slimy sheath, and she ran her hands over herself, wanting to wipe them all away. Her skin turned red from the vigorous rubbing, and she clawed at her bloodied and muddy clothes, desperate to get everything he had touched off her body.

Then she grabbed a pillow from the bed and screamed into it, hoping to muffle the sounds of her agony. Erik’s hold on everything within the castle walls was firm, and she did not want anyone to hear her agony and report back to him. If Erik knew she felt this way, it would mean he had won, and the last thing Adeline wanted was for Erik to realize he had finally conquered all of her.

His wife? His mate? No matter how loud she screamed, she couldn’t shake the words that swirled in her head.

She wished she could at least hear Rolf’s desperate howl once more. Death would be an easy release, knowing she would eventually be with Rolf again in the Forever Night. A creature like her, her spirit would easily find a home in the darkness beyond.

The sadness she fought to keep at bay finally broke through the dam, and she wept. She wept so long that the candles eventually burned down, and then, once she was finished, she tore the room apart.

She tossed pillows and overturned the mattress, she ripped down the curtains and tried her best to break the iron bed frame, but she was too weak. She even tried to destroy the vanity, but it had been bolted to the walls.

No matter what Adeline did, she could not find anything of use to make a weapon.

Unless…

Adeline dropped to her knees by the vanity. Though the bolts that kept it fastened to the wall sported a dwarven design, she still tried her best to unscrew them with only her fingers. She grunted and groaned, but they would not budge.

“Damn those dwarves and their metalworking!” She smacked her hand against the wall, her palm turning purple from the force. Adeline knew she wasn’t thinking clearly, but never in her life had she felt so far out of her depth. Exhaling, she looked around the room at the mess.

“Come on, give me some thing!”

A knock on the door startled her, and Juliette’s voice sounded on the other side.

Adeline held her breath.

The locks clanked, and then the door opened.

“Your dinner,” Juliette said, her eyes roaming over Adeline’s naked body, discarded clothes, destroyed room, and the vomit in the bowl.

Juliette barely twitched as she stepped inside Adeline’s room; the wards that Adeline had once carved into the threshold were useless after sitting for over a century. She never knew if they ever really provided her protection, such was her limited experience working with them. But, still, she carved them into the shadows of the door just as her mother had taught her when she was a human.

“I will not drink whatever that is.” Adeline tried her best to sound strong, but she was exhausted. The last meal she’d had was Rolf, and that was such a minimal amount of fuel. After losing so much blood, she needed fresh blood to get her full strength back. Besides, she had stupidly used up whatever strength she had left, destroying the room.

“You’ve been busy,” Juliette said.

“Don’t.” Adeline didn’t want to dive into small talk. She was exhausted and broken-hearted, and Juliette was keeping too many secrets for her to sit through endless pleasantries.

“You should try and eat something,” Juliette said, pouring a glass of that thick red liquid. “You need strength.”

“I will not.” Despondency threatened to drag Adeline under into an unrelinquishing hug.

“Always the dramatic one.” Juliette rolled her eyes, set the cup down, and turned to Adeline. She chided, “You need something in your stomach if you’re going to go back out there.”

“Why did you lie?” Adeline asked, standing. She toed a deflated pillow on the floor, the stitching undone, and down feathers spilling out of it from where she tore it open.

Juliette met Adeline’s stare unflinchingly. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Adeline couldn’t stand the falseness that radiated off Juliette. She shook her head. “That’s not an answer. Your anger was so convincing when you showed up to the cabin, but you didn’t kill me.”

“No.” Juliette exhaled. Her shoulders dropped, and so did the carefully curated image of being put together. “Injured you enough to incapacitate you, yes. But kill? I could never.”

“But—” Adeline stopped, her hazy memories from the fight in the caves flitting in and out. Was that why Juliette had helped the other vampire? To give Adeline time to get to Rolf?

There was something else, something Juliette was keeping close to her chest, and Adeline wasn’t in the mood to play games. She wanted to be left alone to figure out how to fashion a weapon. Juliette’s eyes flicked up and down Adeline’s body, and suddenly she felt very exposed in front of her ex-lover like this.

A flush crept up Adeline’s neck, the moments of intimacy between them flooding back into her memory. How hopeful Adeline had been to have a companion once more, and a gorgeous, curvy, and blond one, too. After being alive for several hundred years, Adeline found herself experimenting with all kinds of lovers—centuries of immortality could do that to someone.

But Erik would only permit her the occasional dalliance under the condition that he could watch. After all, Adeline was supposed to only be his. He would follow her lovers into the bedroom, ogling Adeline and how her lovers worshipped her. Erik would persuade Adeline to do what she wished and with whom, so long as she fed off them and promised her return to his bed once she ‘had it out of her system.’ It was the tiniest taste of freedom he afforded her because, according to him, she was always full of lust.

Full of lust, or was it the only time I felt a reprieve from him?

Juliette was different. Juliette was hers . And Erik had never found out.

“Addy, trust me,” she pleaded. Juliette’s voice was strained, and Adeline couldn’t tell if it was due to deceit or earnestness. “The last thing I wanted to do was to bring you back here.”

Adeline had to coach Juliette on how to use her vampire magic to glamour her next meal so they wouldn’t feel so much pain. The first time Juliette tried, her glamour wore off halfway through feeding, and she panicked. The man ran away with blood spurting from his neck. Adeline had to chase him down, glamour him, and finish him off. It had taken Adeline years to build up Juliette’s confidence enough to hunt by herself.

Juliette taking action on her own in the heat of the moment? Unlikely.

Adeline shivered, suddenly very exhausted and worn down. Juliette clicked her tongue and tossed Adeline a clean chemise from the wardrobe. She caught it and slipped it on, tying the top with blue fingers.

“Do you think I’m angry at you, Jules?” Adeline asked, using the nickname she had given Juliette when they first met. Then she shrugged. “I made a bargain when I knew I shouldn’t have. This is a fitting punishment.”

“You haven’t called me Jules in a long time,” Juliette said.

“You haven’t called me Addy in a long time,” Adeline countered. She sat down on the edge of the bed, sinking into the soft mattress. The last time she had been on this bed was to feed from some unknowing soul, desperate to please Erik, who watched, bored, from the shadows in the corner.

“You called me Jules because you said my eyes reminded you of emeralds,” Juliette said. She twisted her hands in front of her, then crossed the room to sit beside Adeline. Her voice was soft as she added, “We could have been so great together, Adeline.”

“We could have. But Erik would never have let us have what we wanted.” At some point, their hands had woven together, and Adeline clutched Juliette’s in her own. “His jealousy knows no bounds.”

And now Rolf is dead because of it.

“So you left, leaving me to fend for myself and take your place?” Juliette’s eyes were rimmed with tears. “I loved you. I thought you felt the same.”

Realization dawned on Adeline. Had Juliette brought her back as retribution for abandonment? She squeezed Juliette’s hand, saying softly, “I did. My heart was once yours—and only yours—for a long time.”

“Then why did you leave?” Juliette asked, looking down at their intertwined hands.

“I snapped.” It was the truth, and she had held on to it too long. Adeline had wanted to leave for centuries, but had never been able to get away. She was so numb—so broken—that she let Juliette take her place, not once feeling shame for her decision.

“I took your place, Adeline. In more ways than one. There were nights when?—”

“You don’t have to say anything else.” Adeline knew what Juliette would say, and no good would come of it. Now, faced with the reality of her decisions, this was the first time she had ever felt genuine remorse for what she had done to someone.

And after all the lives she had destroyed, why would she think she was ever worthy of happiness? Of love?

I didn’t deserve Colin. Adeline bit back the salty taste of remorse. I never deserved Rolf.

If she had ever cared for Juliette, she would have never left her lover here to fend for herself, exposed to Erik’s twisted mind. The waves of guilt that she had once pushed away so easily now threatened to drown what was left of her.

“I couldn’t stay here under his thumb, under his evilness. I didn’t want to play his games anymore. I couldn’t even love you without worrying about him twisting your mind like he did mine. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right, but I felt like I had no choice. And no matter what I say, I know it will never make up for the fact that I was only looking out for myself.”

Juliette bit back a sob. Adeline leaned forward and kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

“Do you love him? The wolf?”

“I do—did,” Adeline whispered back, staring into the eyes of her former lover, watching decades of memories play out between them.

“I kept waiting for you to come back, rescue me, and be here. It took me ages to get over you, Adeline. I was so angry for so long.”

Adeline cringed as the words landed. She had been so careless, thinking only of her survival and her trauma. Gods, how could she have been so selfish? “I would be angry, too.”

Juliette straightened. “All those years I spent pining after you. I went along with his horrible demands, thinking that one day I could do what you did. But I have been delusional because I am not as brave as you.”

Again, shame swirled with the guilt that had settled in her gut. How could she tell Juliette that she planned to end her life? There were rumors of other vampires who had taken their own lives. They were only rumors, though. As far as she knew, it had never been done before.

“Brave, or foolish?” Adeline asked, partly to herself.

“Bravery doesn’t always wield a sword, Adeline,” her mother had said when the girls came home. She and Leda had been playing princesses, and Adeline was the brave knight with a sword who rescued the damsel in the tower. The stick had broken, and Adeline cried, worried that she couldn’t save her sister. “Bravery can also mean finding hope when all else seems lost, living your life with honor, and doing what’s right for others.”

Adeline sniffled, and her mother wrapped her up in her arms. The scent of her mother’s skin and drying herbs filled her nose, and she instantly calmed within her mother’s warm embrace. Her mother pulled away and cradled Adeline’s sniveling face. “But most of all, bravery is getting back up and trying again, even after failure. And I know how stubborn you can be, dear girl. You are the bravest person I know. ”

Juliette shifted on the bed, and the memory faded. Adeline’s shoulders sagged. She missed the peace her mother brought, the calm ways she handled her daughters’ loud and intrusive feelings.

“You have been brave.” Juliette looked at Adeline with deep emerald eyes filled with hope. “Especially when I saw the lengths you would go to protect that wolf shifter.”

So she still doesn’t know that it was Colin…

Adeline bit back tears.“No, Juliette. You are far braver than I could have ever been. I ran, but you stayed.”

Juliette gave her a wry smile. “I did want to kill you, you know. Seeing you made me angry all over again. Furious, actually.”

Adeline felt the scar along her neck. She had been convinced Juliette was going to kill her. She wished it had come true. “What was your plan? If you had killed me?”

“Run away? Like you? Assume a new identity?” Juliette stood and started pacing, her arms waving erratically in the air. “But I didn’t have a plan. I never do. I’m not a planner, like you.”

Juliette was brave, but she wasn’t stupid. She could easily play the games Erik made her take part in. Adeline had always been the one to resist. She was not as easily moldable. Each time Erik brought her back, she was forced to bend the knee, to heel, to tread carefully lest she anger him even more. But it was only a matter of time before her scheming took over and she tried to find a way to get out from under his clutches.

I just want to be free.

“I don’t have a plan, Jules. Not this time,” Adeline admitted, standing up. “Jules, I am so tired of constantly running. No matter what I do or where I go, Erik is there, always bringing me back into his orbit. I am helpless against his pull.”

“You are not helpless.”

“What else do I have to live for? I lost Rolf again, and I have to spend whatever hellish life Erik has planned for me. Gods, I was so stupid to make that bargain!” Adeline cradled her head in her hands and wanted to tear her hair out.

“No, I’m not going to let you give up.” Juliette stood and started pacing the room. Feathers from the pillow floated up around her skirts each time she turned. “You can’t give up. You’re the bravest vampire I know.”

Adeline almost laughed at the echoed words her mother once said. She was so far from brave. She just wished this conversation would end so she could figure out how to end her life. Her eyes flicked to the window; though it was narrow, she might be able to slip through and throw herself off the cliffs and into the sea.

“Adeline, I need you to pull yourself together.” Juliette’s tone shifted, pulling Adeline from her brooding. She stepped closer to Adeline and knelt before her. “If you have any remorse for what I’ve been through, then you have to help me.”

Adeline blanched but said nothing. Of course, she felt remorseful. “Juliette, I?—“

“I have a mate,” she whispered. The words floated in the air between them. “I found her, and I…I have to be with her.”

Adeline finally looked at Juliette clearly for the first time since she showed up at the cabin.

Perhaps this was the gods’ way of shaking her world, because now she could see more pieces of the puzzle. This was why she was here: to set things right for Juliette and help her former lover move on, find a life of freedom. The desperation in Juliette’s admission was her request for permission to move on. Juliette was able to find a mate; despite everything she had been put through, she had found happiness. Who was Adeline to keep her from that?

“I love her, and I can’t mate with her, I can’t touch her, I can’t see her, because…” Juliette waved her hands in the air in apparent frustration.

“That must be torturous,” Adeline said, understanding the pain that came with being unable to be with someone you were convinced was your mate. But Adeline knew it was probably worse for Juliette. Vampires had different rules than regular fae for mates. Once they were through the mating ritual, their scents would merge, the little magic they did have would get stronger, and they would be almost impossible to kill.

But can mate bonds be forced? She was unsure if that was the reason Erik wanted her to be his in three days.

Adeline briefly recalled something she had read while she was researching the were shifters. It hadn’t been about vampires or were shifters, specifically, but it had mentioned the lore of mating and how magic between non-humans increased after a mating rite.

“You aren’t the only one tired of his twisted games,” Juliette said. From deep within her pockets, she withdrew two bracelets. Adeline’s heart dropped into her feet, her chest clinched with fear. “He told me you have to wear these.”

“Enchanted cuffs?” Adeline could barely form the words. Her throat was tight. He wanted her to feel powerless.

“Dwarven made specifically for you,” Juliette said, cringing. Her shoulders curled in, and her whole body seemed even smaller. “I need you to find a way to help me because I can’t be in this Gods-forsaken castle any longer.”

Tears lined Juliette’s eyes as she clamped them around Adeline’s wrists. Dwarven wards were engraved in a delicate scroll, and between the two bracelets was a thin silver chain. The last time she had worn cuffs and chains, she was strapped to a table in the dungeons, stripped naked, whipped within an inch of her immortal life, and forced to drink the blood of imprisoned humans until she finally bent to Erik’s will.

“I’ll try my best, Juliette.” Adeline knew she couldn’t make any promises. Not yet. Not when Erik wanted her to feel defeated. She stared at the dwarven chains keeping her wrists bound and wished with her entire being that she had a flicker of fire still burning deep within her.

“Try harder, please. I’m desperate, Adeline.”